At what age did you become a survivor?

At what age did you become a survivor?
M

Muldoon

Registrant
At what age in your life did you become a survivor?

I need some help. Many of the Reps at the Minnesota capital dont know why we have to open up the Statute of Limitations on CSA so older victims can sue. They think that victim should be able to come forward at a younger age. I would like to ask you at what age you came forward to end the silence. When did you begin the healing? I so much what the REPS to understand what this is all about. If you could please tell me what year and at what age you came forward. Some of us may have come out more than once or tried to deal with the evil several times. I told on my perp in 1961 at 11. Reached out for help in 1973 at 23. Looked at getting help in 1992 at 42. Finally at 52 in 2002 I began the healing. Yes it took me 41 years to begin my healing.
If you could please let me know what year and what age you where when you began the healing. Also if you could give 1 or 2 sentences on where your world was at when you began the HEALING. I will be printing out the post and give it to those REPS that need to be informed. I will not use your names so write what you want. Thanks Muldoon
 
I became a survivor at 39! It took my wife separating from me (she was my crutch all these years) for me to "hit bottom" and finally realize that I can not handle this on my own; I need therapy to work through the emotions that I buried very deep in order to survive. I think we all find our coping mechanisms and they are very hard (but not imposable!) let go of. It is a travesty what gets stolen from a person when they suffer CSA. Thanks for the work you do! Sincerely, Ed
 
I was 14 and later 18 when i was forced to speak up to have my father put away. i did not want to talk but i had to or keep taking it. I am 21 now.

There are others. i don't have the will or the strength to fight them right now. If i ever plan on getting better, i have to put myself first, even before the rage. Will i want to go after them somwhere down the road? I don't know for sure but that option should be open to me.

My 2 cents :rolleyes:
 
I was 46 when I became a survivor. Before this I did not tell a single soul that my step dad sexually abused me when I was 14. My wife just could not understand why I was the way I was. She had to make all the decisions about running the household. I would flee from conflict and always wanted to be the peace maker, trying to protect whom ever I could so that they would not have to feel any pain. She grew stronger and I grew weaker. Finally she treaten to leave me. I had to decide if I wanted to start to live by telling my secret or die.

I thought I could not trust anyone with my secret for fear of being rejected by them. I thought I was protecting my family by not telling. I thought the pain would go away but it never did. I now know I was just protecting my perpretator.

Today I suffer from low self-esteem, depression, confusion and denial. I still have a hard time trusting others and have few freinds because of this. My step-dad is dead but I still live with this nightmare. He got away with it and there will never be any justice serve for what he did to me.
 
I am 40. surviving for 2 months. I was on the run from what happend for 29 years. 2 of my perps must be dead for sure by now, (they were in their 50s) the other I don't know.
 
My abuse by a gang of older boys started at 11 when I went to boarding school.
And about 6 months later after a violent rape by the whole gang I told the headmaster.

He did nothing to protect me at all, in fact I was punished for telling lies.
This gave the gang freedom to carry on abusing me, and others, until I was nearly 16.
By that time a teacher had taken over the gang and was also abusing myself and other children.

Not being believed then made it very difficult to trust in other people and I didn't tell another soul until I told my wife just before our 25th wedding anniversary when I was 46 years old.

By then I was depressed, suicidal and acting out sexually with strange men.

I'm 49 now and still having therapy for my problems.

My abusers told me that it was our secret, the headmaster reinforced that secret, and I clung to it for 31 desperate years.

Dave
 
I never repressed any memories. But, I did not talk about the abuse until I was 50 years old and in treatment for depression.

I can't remember if I ever told anyone before this. I doubt that I did. Why would I have told?
I was embarassed, felt like a freak and was sure no one would believe it about this "wonderful young man."

Bob
 
I was 16 when the worst happened. I didn't breathe
a word about it to anyone until last summer when I
told my wife. She then brought it up in our couples'
therapy. Outside of that, and my posts here, I still
have not mentioned it to anyone else.

I kept my silence for nearly 26 years.
 
I was sexually abused repeatedly by a "nice" well-respected, neighborhood man during the time I was 4 to 6 years old. He was probably in his 50's. I did not tell anyone. I was afraid. This continued until we moved out of the neighborhood.

My life was changed. It was as if my candle of sexual awareness was lit prematurely. I was different and it has affected my entire life.

Between the ages of 8 and 11 I was forced by an adolescent female cousin to have sex with her "or else". At age 14 or 15 I was raped by a door to door salesman who came into our home when no one was around. I was a very small boy. I weighed about 89 pounds and was only 4'11" tall. The sexual abuser/predator was a foreign (non-western) man about 26 years old.

I was emotionally altered and wanted to commit suicide but I was afraid I might be going to hell because of the "sins of my past". Also, I did not want to hurt my family.

I never told anyone. These were my deep dark secrets for which I felt so much guilt and shame, and which caused so much depression I wanted to drop out of school and die. I thought these abuses were "my fault" and therefore "my sins" because otherwise why would these things have happened to me?

I finally disclosed my deep dark secrets, anonymously, to the survivors on MaleSurvivor: National Association Against Male Sexual Victimization in January 2003. They encouraged me by assuring me that I AM NOT ALONE. The men at MaleSurvivor were so supportive. Heeding their advice, the next day I found a counselor trained in male survivor issues and made my first therapy appointment. After decades of keeping quiet, I finally disclosed my secrets to a real live person for the first time. I am 51 years old and I am in therapy and for the first time I am dealing with the trauma caused to my life which happened over 46 years ago. Thank you.
 
I was abused from age 11 to 13 by an older nieghborhood boy, a family friend, a trusted confidant. I was so ashamed, guilty, confused. I never told anyone, ever, until I was in crisis 39 years later. I was acting out, I was depressed, I couldn't go on the way I was going. I didn't even tell my wife until several months after I had started seeing a therapist. I told her on our 28th wedding anniversary.

The first time I was in a group of men at one of Mike Lew's retreats in PA I was scared to death at first. Then I finally realized that each and every one of these men had been through the same hurt and fears. NOMSV is the same way, we can share our stories, our fears, our deepest feelings and know that we are not alone.

Take care my brothers,

Steve
 
I was violently sexually assaulted for 9 months when I was 16-17 at Military College. I never told anyone about it. I was on the street for 3 years 18-21> I finally sought help at age 56. I have been a member of AA for 26 years and kicked heroin when I was 21. I am 62 now and am still healing. There should be no statute of limitations on these animals.
 
Just read MULDOON'S question and think that it should be like murder----no limitation on time to prosecute.

David
 
The first time I ever told someone about the abuse was when I was 15 or 16, that would be 1995 or so. I was abused at about age 2 (which I still don't recall) in 1980, and at age 8 (1986.)

I think that telling my friend was sort of admitting that it had happened to myself, but I still didn't make the connection between the abuse and me depression, feelings of worthlessness, anger, and suicide attempt.

I didn't finally make the connection until I was a junior in college at 23 (2001.) And when I did, it all hit me like a ton of bricks and I spent the bulk of that year in a deep depression. I would sleep through about half of my classes and meals. And the ones I did go to, I would return to bed as soon as they were concluded. It was about this time that I also told a different very good friend of mine and sought therapy through the school.

Though I never really forgot the memories of what happened to me, I never realized the impact that the abuse had on me for fifteen years. I am currently 24, and still in therapy and still struggling with depression and feelings of inadaquacy and anger.

The fact that I was able to realize the effect the abuse had on my so young is fairly unusual, as evidenced by the posts made by the other men here. In my personal opinon, there should absolutly be not statute of limitations on child sexual abuse. I don't know if I will ever want to face my perps in court or not, but that decision should be up to me, not the courts, and these bastards certianly do not have any right to be able to hide behind ANY law.

I hope that this is able to help Muldoon. Good luck

Eric
 
I was abused by a priest from age 8 to 11 or so, in the sacristy at the church. That was in 1972 or so. Then, at 10, in 1974,i told the babysitters 16 year old son who abused me worse, cuz he liked to play those games too. At 19,in 1983, after a wicked nite of partyin, my dad told me to go to confession, saw a different priest than my first perp one, who told me to "forgive and forget". My "confessor" was later accused and charged with assaulting a seminarian about the same time as I went to confession. So i told, once when i was 10, got more abuse. Told when i was 19, nothing happened. I have since been dealing with difficulty in relationships, addictions, clinical depression, post-traumtic stress disorder, obessive compulsive disorder, and borderline personality disorder. Who knows what else i might learn about me as i continue this journey. At 38, i've finally started doing somthing about it. I've told the church, my parents, my wife, my sisters, several therapists, the DA, the AG, a male SA survivor group, and my brothers here at MS.

The State of Maine will soon be debating a bill to suspend the statute of limitations. I have presented several pieces of info, including my story on three pages, the CA law, the decisions here in maine which prevent any accountability on the church's part (separation of church and state, first amendment prevent prosecution of the church for negligent supervision of clergy/employee and failure to protect a minor here in maine).

It is an envelope that I have decided to "push". My perp lives in my hometown, in a neighborhood full of kids, near the church, and the school where my kids attend. He has been expelled from the priesthood after "treatment" for pedophilia. So the bishops turned him loose on my hometown after having shifted him around maine first. I might not get justice from the Church (God bless America and the first amendment?) but i will have him exposed. I can't undo what damage he may have done since he got me, but i can possibly, just possibly, get him convicted, and required to register as a Sex offender for the rest of his life in hell on earth...I will not let me get my hopes too high..one day at a time...sry so verbose... but...

Peace

Orodo
 
Ordo your post makes me so proud that I consider you my brother. I admire the determination that you are showing and know that you will be sucessful. God that I had the guts to do it 45 years ago.
 
"At what age did I become a survivor?" hit me a little differently (which is about normal for me.) This is my first post and I hope to get energy and nerve for more. Anyway, I would say I became a survivor around age 6. I had been exposed to different sex acts and already felt dirty and humiliated. I soon realized that my emotions and feelings and thoughts were to be hidden in my mind and all future actions, emotions, and confident attitude had to be in place to avoid drawing attention to myself. This would allow me to survive without appearing 'different' yet, confident and together enough that folks would leave me alone and not ask questions. I had to be an active child, yet invisible at the same time, but still considered normal, while at all times being responsible for the reaction of folks around me. I had been conditioned early that anything that happened to me happened because I caused it (intentional or not, it is what I interpreted from parents.) So, my survival instincts started early in life; however, the abuse continued. Since I did not die like I wanted to do at an early age, now at age 40, I am still here - as a survivor.
 
I was abused from age 0 to 5 or 6 - in Minnesota and did not remember any of it until I recovered my abuse memory at age 55 for some, like me, it was totally buried for many years, living with the symptoms but not knowing where they came from. Finding out was like discovering the missing piece to a puzzle that had been unanswered for 50 years.

There are lots of reasons why our abuse doesnt surface until many years later, the age at which it happened, the need to bury it because of being unable to deal with it, the sense of shame and blaming our self for what happened that pushes us to deny it happened at all.

Having recourse to deal with the pain and confront our perpetrators when WE ARE READY to face it is an important option that the law should provide.
 
I repressed memories of the abuse, so i didnt even know i was molested until i was 37. some things are too painful to face before you are ready. people who have not lived something so terrible that your mind has to forget, cannot possibly understand it. a crime is a crime whether it happened yesterday or a century ago in my book. time limits protect criminals. why should there be any limits at all? what purpose do they serve outside of letting criminals get away? it always amazes me how our justice system is so quick to protect the guilty, and just as quick to figure a way out of doing thier duty. they werent hurt, just brush it under the rug so they wont have more paperwork to do.
 
My abuse began when I was 4 or 5 years old by both males and females. When I told my mom she beat me telling me what a bad, bad boy I was. When it continued I told my dad who beat me and threatened to have me locked up by the police if 'I' didn't stop doing those things. My perps at that time were 8 (male) and 10 (female). The perps continued non-stop until at 13 and stopped the abuse myself. By that time I was convinced it was MY fault and I was a "pervert". At 8 I was raped in an alley by a stranger (14 yr. old red haired boy) but I never told because I was going to school by the railroad tracks and my mom never let me go there. By the time I was 19, I was active with over 50+ people (some consensual) proving how bad and perverted I knew I was (mom and dad told me from little up). It wasn't until I was 42 years old and reading a book about sexual abuse that I realized "I was a victim" and had 5 perps [3 family members] and [2 strangers]. It was at 42 I consider myself a survivor. By the way, my mom was sexually abused by her brother and his 'friends' from ages 8 through 13. I am the only one she ever told when she was 62 years old - my father never knew! I have recovered sufficiently that I work as a child & adolescent psychologist and 90% of my cases are sexually abused from 4 rhrough 15 years old currently. When I worked with adults sexually abused as children the ages spanned 45 through 64 on an average.
 
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