At Sea, Miss My Family.

At Sea, Miss My Family.
J

Jamband

New Registrant
Hello all,
I am currently underway on WESPAC, so I am feeling a bit more alone than normal. A lttle back ground on me, I was 15 when I was assaulted. For some reason or another I didn't think I needed any sort of therapy at the time so I have never recieved any. I did put the man in prison for 4 years and to a large degree feel that he did not get nearly what was warranted. I two years ago had my first child, a son, he is the center of my universe and I wouldn't have it any other way. This is the longest I have ever been seperated from him since he was born, and hopefully will be the last time I am away from him and my wife for a grat period of time. I have been sprinting through thoughts since the day he came into the world. Concerns, lots of concerns. I know that I will talk with him about sexual violence and what to do to avoid it, and that it is wrong for anyone to use another person in a means that is degrading or wrong for self-gratification. It's the approach, will I lose it, if I do break down what I should do, how do I explain it to him in a way that will stick with him? These things and tons of others run through my mind daily. Well I guess I don't know really where I am going with this thread, I just felt like I needed to write this out to be able to better look at it from the big picture. I have recently been thinking about talking to a profeesional to see if there are any avenues I could research to better get a handle on this. Thanks for reading this if you do, and if you respond thank you again.

Cheers...
 
I was in the Airforce for ten years and I know what you are feeling regarding the missing them part. I also have a son and I have the same fears you do. I have talked to my daughters about what to do, what to look for and at the same time second guessed my approach, "was I right by telling them, did I scare them, do they think I am crazy telling them not to let anyone touch their private parts?" You will do fine and I do suggest you see a T. I never thought I had a problem and my life came down on itself and I had to seek help. You know the old saying you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink, well that is what happenned to me, I never realized I was thirsty and my life fell apart. Therapy is the best thing even if you feel you are not having problems, I never knew I was and it took my wife having an affair to get me on the road to recovery. Good luck and God bless,

I know exactly how you feel, and its okay.
 
Jamband - you sound like the type of dad a kid needs! You are obviously concerned that your son may be in danger at some point in his life from an unspecified source.

You are obviously concerned that you are not there to protect him at the moment. Have faith in your wife - she shares that role with you.

As your son progresses through life, arm him with the information that he needs, in a way that he can understand it....good touch / bad touch etc.

Don't beat yourself up.

Best wishes ...Rik
 
Jamband,

You sure sound like a good Dad to me. One thing a boy needs SO much is to feel that he is loved, appreciated and important. I am sure you will give that to him.

As he gets older there will be plenty of time to tell him about good and bad touching, things like that. In fact there are quite a few good books out now that introduce kids to this without frightening them. There is also a lot more awareness of the problem, and I'm sure you and your wife will discuss this.

Much love,
Larry
 
I sense that you will feel awkward untill the moment comes that you talk to him, then, at that point, you will realize that whatever discomfort you feel in communicating about such an important life skill, pales in comparison to the problems that come about when a parent does NOT talk about these things.

I suspect that a VERY high percentage of MS members here had parents that just never bothered or thought about teaching their kids about people that might "try to do certain things" etc. I have anger isssues to this day with my parents. I made them accountable for their abdication of their responsibility to protect me from people like my perp. One or two simple conversations, when I was 5 or 6 or 7 or so, would have saved me, I know it! I say this because when my perp was "probing" my defenses, he could tell that I had NONE and he moved in for the kill.

I commend you becuase you're being proactive in the prevention of this, unlike a lot of parents, even today.
 
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