At a loss

At a loss
L

Leosha

Registrant
I don't know what to say. I have been here, I have been trying hard to respond to people here, thinking it will help my head settle some. I do not know what to say. I feel I am needing something, and do not know what it is, or how to ask for it. I feel I am sliding down a hill. I feel like I am drowning, I feel my emotions are overwhelming me. I am feeling need to do stupid things, and am trying very hard not to, and it seems my other options are more limited sometime, and that I am so much out of my own control. I do not know even how I am trying to say what I am saying, or what I am trying to say. Sorry.

leosha
 
Hey man:

Hang in there.We are all here to help each other.Take time for yourself, relax do somethingjust to take your mind off things for abit. We are here if and when you needs.Take care
Gus
 
Grab a rope, take a deep breath and breathe.

What has worked for me for some of the same feelings and what I am doing now is working towards a goal. I had that sinking feeling. I felt like a tool that had been forged wrong. Like I was made into a knife, but really was meant to be a sword in the core of my being.

Works towards a goal, any goal. Just focus on it as your anchor point. It is where your rope is tied, and where you are climbing to. For me I am working on loosing weight and improving my fitness so I can join the army and further change the man I have become. Just pick a place you want to be and work towards it. Focus on it, not where you are now. I don't like the person I am now, but am working to change him.
 
Your word sounded familiar to me...and it was strange to read my feelings coming from another...and the first thought that struck me was...well actually there were two thoughts:

1) Being lost and confused sucks, but I reckon it's better than being either in an abusive situation or wandering around acting dysfunctional and not knowing why.

2) "What you resist, persists" I wonder if the more we run around trying so damn hard to figure out what is eluding us, the more it eludes us.

I don't know if this helps, but man I hope you feel better.
 
know your words of comfort help. they helped me, and i am sure they help others. together we can get through this, somehow, some way. one thing is abundently clear, we are in a roller coaster, and are in for many ups and downs before this ride is over.
 
Brother Leo,

Just for today, don't do anything that could hurt yourself. You are SO very important to people here, Suzanna (sp? sorry), Alexei, your students, me, and the brothers here.

Just be here. That's all we ask. There's no shame in not having words. Sometimes, there are no words.

You need me, you can always reach me, bro. I care.

Peace (and quickly) and love, Leo.

Scot
 
Dear Leosha

Haing read your honest words and the battel you are going thought to stay grounded, you have helped me. I too feel that I have all this time on my hands and I am sliping downwards. How do you stop and grab a hold of something? For me to constatntly remind my self that I am not alone, just writing this brings enormuse comfort. Best of luck on staying true to your self

:)
 
Leosha,

I am sorry to read that you are having a hard time. I have gone through these things, too. I know that I have tried to take on too many things at a time, I felt compelled to, wasn't really concious of it at the time.

Coming to the realization (with the help of others) that my number one priorty is finding for myself a safe place (in mind and/or body) has made a huge difference.

When things start to feel overwhelming I try to remember that. I am practicing it actually as a very important step in my recovery. I make mistakes (naturally) and engage in some behaviors I don't want to but I know (usually) that I can start again.

Each moment is a new moment. I've got to learn to stop judging myself. That is for me at this stage of recovery my primary challenge.

Safety is a big part of what was taken away from us. I understand that it is perfectly understandable that I will have to work very hard to get that back. A safety includes for me not judging everything I think and do. That is a lot different that understanding what is right and wrong.

I have to believe that these things are possible for me and for all of us. I want it for you, too.

Brett
 
We are all where you are a times bud. It can be so frustrating when no words come out when it feels there are thousands of things to say (confusing huh).. anyway, even without you saying a thing, please remember we ALL truely understand and care..

Chris
 
"I feel I am needing something, and do not know what it is, or how to ask for it. I feel I am sliding down a hill. I feel like I am drowning, I feel my emotions are overwhelming me."

Did you take an entry from my journal?

I have been there, brother, so many times, and I still get there sometimes. Therapy for sexual abuse, esp. group therapy, has helped me a lot, and helped me to realize that usually what I need is something very simple that was denied to me repeatedly as a boy. That something might be unconditional love, or it might simply be permission to express the rage or hurt inside of me over the abuse. It might be a need to connect with someone, stop isolating and letting the thoughts just spin uselessly.

We're all here for you. You are a courageous man to be facing what happened to you. You are stronger than what happened to you, and what happened to you was never your fault.

P.S. If by "doing stupid things," you mean sexually acting out, I would ask, is there an Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous meeting, or a Sex Addicts Anonymous meeting in your area? If so, there are people there who would understand, I'll bet.

With love,
Jeff
 
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