assuming people don't want to talk to me

assuming people don't want to talk to me
K

Kid A

Registrant
I just assume people don't want to talk to me or be near me, as if my presence is a burden for them to overcome. My boss just came in and she said, "so how's it going?" in a truly inquisitve tone, and I just responded quickly, "pretty good." The answer couldn't be furthest from the truth. I know this is just a standard greeting, and that I'm not going to let my boss into my innerworld at 9 in the morning, but I just realized I keep people away. With my head down and my replies short I tell people I'm not worth talking to or getting to know. Whether or not they believe this, they have to accept it because its all I give them.
 
Ditto. And when they do I amazed they want to get soo close. Since I've let people in I haven't got the balance hence the affairs. Hence the pain I've put on my loved ones.
 
Kid A - there's a gradual way out of this.

Next time, try the response: "pretty good, and how about you"?

That may lead to a conversation...worth a try.

We have a manger that doesn't speak to any of the production staff & just treats them as a commodity! I've pulled her up about that! *I wouldn't always have done so.

At least your Boss does speak to you, that's a start!

Best wishes ...Rik
 
Kid A,

It's perfectly normal for a survivor to feel that others don't want to talk to him, or to assume that he doesn't have a lot to say in the first place. In some cases we may also feel that any indication of interest in us on the part of others is based on some intent to cause us harm. These are all feelings ("I'm worthless", "I can't trust anyone") we bring into adulthood from our abuse experiences as boys.

Perhaps try to remember this the next time you are approached with a greeting or opening for a conversation. Tell yourself that you are safe and have a lot to offer and that the greeting is actually a useful opportunity to learn how to relax and talk again.

And I like Rik's observation. It's encouraging that your boss takes the initiative to talk to you.

Much love,
Larry
 
I think part, we will assume it that people want to not speak with us, or have nothing to do with us, because perhaps we fear speaking with them, or having more deep relationship or even conversation to them. Do that make sense? We fear it ourself, and so then assume they do not want us anyway?

VN
 
Am I worth talking to, I often wonder, and so i meet people who think the same. but more than that I tuned out at the slightest hint of disinterest fearing incoming rejection, it is safe that way for me.
and yes new people always excite me as it is always means a possibility of new relationships but just as it happens with casual encounters once they are no longer casual I fear their end n tune out faster than one can imagine .

I also try hard to be interesting in my conversations, I fear they would find me boring soon enough. I talk constantly during conversation I fear pregnant pauses, fearing they will get bored. I hardly allow any breathing space. So it can get very confining for people. on the other hand I like enough space from people, small intense encounters are enough for me to stay stimulated for along time, but then i can even have stmulating conversation with myself as well, some I share with others some I dont...

hmmm...where does all that comes from? My father was never interested in me we hardly ever had an conversation and my mother never went beyond formal how are you? so I thought that was what i am worth.
buut then it is not true those were just two people in my life! and it was their handicaps...I am not what they thought of me.
 
I struggle with these feelings. It's like I want to engage others but somehow feel like I'm not worth talking with. I further the scenario by thinking that I don't have anything meaningful to say. For me, that ends up releasing the animals from their cages. I end up with elephants and girrafs and hippos and flamingos running around in my head. Each animal carries with it a negative life lesson that I programmed into my head from my yesteryears. As it prances by, it drops its "bomb" and moves on. Confusion sets in and I start battling the negative thoughts with counters from the present. This seems futile because it seems to speed the negative-thought animals up. This escalates until I get overwhelmed and then I shut down in order to protect myself. All from a thought or trigger, such as a boss asking how we are. I have many such triggers and tend to stay inside as much as I can to avoid triggers. But I'm missing out on life because I'm too afraid to leave.

I'm breaking out by going to school (one class, Physics). I've been amazed that other students actually seem to want to interact with this 39 year old. I allow it to happen and conciously try to allow the positive experience that's happening in the NOW to melt away the icy layers of yesterday.

I wish you well on your journey,
Scotty
 
Been there too Kid A. I usderstand. It has taken a slow, concerted effort to make myself more available to people. It's surprising to me how much they just want to be my friend because that's the way things are. I always though nobody wanted to be my friend.

I wish you the best as you work through this stuff. Just a little bit every day.

Lots of love,

John
 
Morning Star,
Your previous post is so true. When I'm enjoying my own company and experiencing the new and unfamiliar feelings of self-love and acceptance I notice that people do want to be near me and I want to be near them. Unfortunately that feeling is still fleeting at this point in my journey. I hope that somebody I will regularly wake up and go to sleep in the warmth and love of my own existence.
 
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