asking permission

asking permission
D

Denny

Registrant
i had to ask permission for everything, first i would have to ask permission to ask him a question, most of the time he said no. but then if he said yes he would just say Speak. then i'd have to ask permission like in a Sir, may i please,,,,, kind of way. for everything! to do anything, to go anywhere, to have a drink, to eat, to sleep, to come in a room or leave a room, to use anything in the house like a pencil and paper, to see tv, to talk, even to go to the bathroom :( he would always say no and make me hold it and hold it until i couldnt anymore, then i get beat for making a mess, then i get housebroken. then i'd have to thank him for every single thing he gave me permission for. i had to thank him after he hit me or after he gave me a beating or a punishment. i'm sorry that i got carried away typing all this. i'm wondering if anybody else had that kind of thing happen to them?
sorry. thanks,
denny
 
Denny,

This kind of behavior is aimed at exulting in one's own power by brutalizing a child and robbing him of even the slightest dignity and confidence. The idea was this: "You have no rights of any kind and you are utterly unimportant. Your self-esteem and even your identity as a child mean nothing. Your life has no meaning except in the favors I grant to you, which, in any case, you don't deserve."

Denny, this was terrible abuse even before anyone laid hands on you in sexual ways. NO child deserves to be treated like this.

Much love,
Larry
 
so in other words, i'm nothing . he used to tell me that all the time, and he would tell me the only reason why i'm here is for him to use and i had to thank him for letting me stay alive to serve him??? :confused: so if i'm so unimportant and insignificant then how come he used me for sexual things? why didn't he just let me curl up and die off in a corner somewhere?
 
Denny, your father sounds like a sick and deranged man who used and abused you to give him some sick sense of power.
 
denny,yes i had a dad kinda like that ,he never hit me or molested me ,but he did the mental shit real bad,my dad wanted me to crawl off and die ,but i wouldnt . is you father still around you ? i try to avoid mine if possible . adam
 
yours was like that to? really?
what do you mean he wanted you to crawl off and die but you wouldn't? what do you mean you wouldn't?
he is still around but i don't see him much, i live with my grandmother now.
 
Denny,

So in other words, i'm nothing.
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No, not at all. That's the message he was beating and shouting into you, but that message is totally untrue. You are important and worthwhile, just as we all are.

If i'm so unimportant and insignificant then how come he used me for sexual things? why didn't he just let me curl up and die off in a corner somewhere?
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Abuse is more about power than about sex. The abuser gets his kicks out of seeing how he can use his adult power to totally destroy a defenseless child. He wanted you to THINK you were unimportant and insignificant.

Sex is just the last stage of this. The abuser loves the idea that his power over a boy is so complete that he can make him give up the last thing he would want to share with the abuser - his body.

You may consider that this still makes no sense, and in a way you would be right. What's logical or sensible about brutalizing a child?

Much love,
Larry
 
long story short ,my brother died in an accident ,my dad blamed me ,he tried to convince his 8 year old son that he could trade places with his brother ,if i died my brother could come back ,amazing what an 8 year old will believe when its dad talking,when i was 10 he handed me a loaded gun and told me to do the right thing,i refused ,in the end he just left me with my pedophile cousin to die i guess. but i'm still here ,pretty fucked up inside but still alive ,but he still blames me and tries to screw with me any way he can . i wont die for that bastard ,i'll be at his funeral .
 
but how come he blamed you though it was an accident? i'm glad you're still here, i'm sorry
he's so mean to you.

nothing makes any sense to me
 
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