As a "victim"
Tryingtolive
Registrant
Do you define yourself as a victim or survivor?
I heard my T tell me I was a victim.
But I didn't feel I was.
Are we victims at first than survivors?
Or are we both.
I don't identify with either.
Is this a bad thing or good thing?
No one sees me as a victim.
Or a survivor.
It's very hard to identity with something when no one knows your either.
I don't know if this making sense or not.
But I don't feel Iam a survivor or victim.
I'm just a result to what happen.
From my childhood.
A normal but strange one.
That's how I see life.
There's always two sides to something.
I feel as though the people around me (family)
They won't let me identify with either.
So there for I'm just stuck in between.
A survivor and victim.
I can't choose.
I was abused by a brother.
"Abused" Is very hard to say.
T told me it was.
But no one else has said it was.
Very hard believing or telling myself it was.
I know it's effected me deeply.
But I think I go in and out of denial.
Of what actually occurred.
And I know denial isn't healthy.
As A victim I feel mistreated
As a survivor I feel misunderstood.
As a victim I feel unheard
As a survivor I feel mislead.
As a victim I'll never be heard.
As a survivor ill never be treated like one.
So what's the purpose I ask.
Why did this occur.
If I can't express.
I just don't want to feel
The hurt and mental scars won't go away.
Everyday I'm reminded.
I'm the odd one.
The one who sees both sides.
But never will pick a side.
Where I stand.
The lack of confidence.
Self hate.
Doubt
Fear.
Cut myself off.
Cause I feel Iam better off.
I've learned to deal with this on my own.
It's no ones fault but my own.
Certainly isn't.
But that's how it is.
When the abuse happened in the family.
A Very normal
Twisted family.
I carry the weight.
The shame.
But no one else will.
I carry the mental effects.
The scars.
But no one else does.
As a victim It's Hard being a survivor.
When it feels no one wants you to survive.
But barely make it out alive.
I want people to feel sorry for me.
I want people to understand what I've went through.
I want people to not judge me.
I want to be able to trust.
I want to be able to love.
I want to be able to relax.
Not have to worry.
Stop feeling sorry
I want to sit down with people I've known my whole life and tell them my story.
Not some random therapist.
I want to fit in
Not stand out.
I just want someone to hold me
Telling me it's okay
I heard my T tell me I was a victim.
But I didn't feel I was.
Are we victims at first than survivors?
Or are we both.
I don't identify with either.
Is this a bad thing or good thing?
No one sees me as a victim.
Or a survivor.
It's very hard to identity with something when no one knows your either.
I don't know if this making sense or not.
But I don't feel Iam a survivor or victim.
I'm just a result to what happen.
From my childhood.
A normal but strange one.
That's how I see life.
There's always two sides to something.
I feel as though the people around me (family)
They won't let me identify with either.
So there for I'm just stuck in between.
A survivor and victim.
I can't choose.
I was abused by a brother.
"Abused" Is very hard to say.
T told me it was.
But no one else has said it was.
Very hard believing or telling myself it was.
I know it's effected me deeply.
But I think I go in and out of denial.
Of what actually occurred.
And I know denial isn't healthy.
As A victim I feel mistreated
As a survivor I feel misunderstood.
As a victim I feel unheard
As a survivor I feel mislead.
As a victim I'll never be heard.
As a survivor ill never be treated like one.
So what's the purpose I ask.
Why did this occur.
If I can't express.
I just don't want to feel
The hurt and mental scars won't go away.
Everyday I'm reminded.
I'm the odd one.
The one who sees both sides.
But never will pick a side.
Where I stand.
The lack of confidence.
Self hate.
Doubt
Fear.
Cut myself off.
Cause I feel Iam better off.
I've learned to deal with this on my own.
It's no ones fault but my own.
Certainly isn't.
But that's how it is.
When the abuse happened in the family.
A Very normal
Twisted family.
I carry the weight.
The shame.
But no one else will.
I carry the mental effects.
The scars.
But no one else does.
As a victim It's Hard being a survivor.
When it feels no one wants you to survive.
But barely make it out alive.
I want people to feel sorry for me.
I want people to understand what I've went through.
I want people to not judge me.
I want to be able to trust.
I want to be able to love.
I want to be able to relax.
Not have to worry.
Stop feeling sorry
I want to sit down with people I've known my whole life and tell them my story.
Not some random therapist.
I want to fit in
Not stand out.
I just want someone to hold me
Telling me it's okay
