Article on Female Abusers in UK

mogigo

Registrant
Very good.

I'm about to start in a program at a University as a Violence Prevention Educator. We speak to staff and students about the issues and our main focus is on educating about the myths of rape and SA. Another part though that I'm working on is a mens program, but the men's program isn't about a "support" group, it's about bringing men in and trying to change their perceptions and thinking about what it is to be a man. This is running on the premise that if men change their thinking about what it is to be a man then this will have an impact on the SA's on campus.

Now don't get me wrong, I see this as worthwhile and definately a good thing, but something is rubbing me the wrong way. Just as was cited in the above article, this program is talking about how "men's" desire for power and control are the underlying reasons for SA. That if we can just convince men that there is a different way to be then SA will be solved.

I keep wanting to speak up and make this into an inclusive thing and I keep thinking that the "MAN" thing isn't really the underlying issue for why SA happens.

I feel like I and this program I'm going to start working for are somehow missing something.

If SA really was all about "men being men" then women wouldn't abuse.

Thoughts?

Mike
 
Agreed Mog!!! After all, wasn't part of the basis of the feminist movement about getting power and control???? So.... obviously men aren't the only one's who want and have it, but since men are the "evil ones" and women are the "caring/nurturing ones" people just can't believe that a woman would ever do such a thing......
 

mogigo

Registrant
Thank's for the reply Scott...

After all, wasn't part of the basis of the feminist movement about getting power and control????
But No, I thought the women's movement was about erasing this.

Does this thinking on my part contribute to my feeling uneasy?

Mike
 
Someone is always going to have the power and control. My understanding of things was that laws and attitudes kept women with little to no power and control at all and so they sought "equality" which means it wasn't about getting rid of power and control, but to have equal power and control, to "erase" inequality.

Hence the movements desier for equal rights in voting and work and pay etc. I have no problem with equality. I believe it should be such regardless of a persons gender, ethnicity, etc. , but as we're all experienced here on this site... some people abuse that power and control.
 
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jacobtk

Registrant
Someone emailed this article a few days ago. I was somewhat surprised by this statement:
It revealed that over the period of one year, 11 per cent of callers said they were being abused by a woman: a total of 8,637 children, of whom 6,538 were girls and 2,099 boys.
Perhaps it is just conventional "wisdom" on my part, but it seems odd that more girls would be abused by women than boys. Most likely the difference lies in fewer boys viewing the abuse as abuse and fewer boys being willing to come forward. However, that particular comment stood out to me.
 

Neighbor

Registrant
Didn't have the patience to wade through the entire article, but her story wasn't unbelievable. Some females are predators. Locally there was a woman who sexually abused her daughters friend and murdered her. Go figure.

I had anger issues for some time, but it wasn't until going through 'anger management' classes month after month that I started to remember when I didn't. A time when I didn't have anger. At first I thought it was because an older brother was molesting me for years. I'd beat him up the best I could when I got a chance, but my dad would intervene on my brothers behalf and save him from my rage towards him.

Anyway, decades later I went back to see him and just ask him why he abused me. I thought I was prepared for any answer he gave....WRONG.

"I did it because we were both being molested by (nameless) when we were little." Suddenly I remembered. I went from being a confident professional to feeling like I was falling into an endless well with no bottom and no amount of trying to cling to the sides of the well telling me "I'm fine", "That was in the past, it shouldn't affect you now!".. I continued to fall into that well of depression until a therapist gave the condition a name, PTSS. If I hadn't lived it I wouldn't believe it.

I'm glad to hear that others are facing the issue earlier in life. The counseling has been well worth the time and effort.

But when will society face the fact that a female is as capable of abuse as a male?

Probably never.
 

dark empathy

Registrant
I liked the artical as far as it went, but I was disturbed that there was nothing similar to what happened to me in there, and it didn't address female abuse of children outside the home or by people other than immediate family members or baby sitters.

Obviously nobody has a story exactly like mine, but I'd really appreciate hereing of someone else who experienced abuse by multiple girls of approximately the same age at the same time.
 

Matt from Oz

Registrant
This story was very important for me to read.

I see huge parallels with 'Sharon' - I went 20 years not telling a soul because I was so petrified everyone would think I was be lying.

I was only forced to finally tell when my relationship broke down because I was 'numbing' via a stupid website where my partner caught me out. Otherwise I would have kept numbing. As a result she has booted me out and never to reconcile it seems.

Every night I cry myself to sleep in the hope that I wish things had been different, I am unsure if I will ever be fortunate to be a wonderful father and bring children into this world without any of that horrible stuff that hurt me,

Just my two cents,

Thanks for link
 
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