Are we abusers by the very fact we were abused!

Are we abusers by the very fact we were abused!
R

reality2k4

Registrant
This is another way of saying dont mention that you were abused in life, or be noted as a possible sex offender.

I went to a psyche doc, who blatantly said asked me, if I had abused kids, I said no, but why would you think that?

He said that it was common for abusers to have been abused themselves, but I said to him, that if that was the truth, then society would be much worse if abused men, went on to abuse other kids.

Why? Should I have to be the teacher to a professional person, but if I can I will teach him, because he is being taught totally the wrong way.

So we are already labelled in society as a risk factor, just because we tell them we were abused as kids, how heartless is that!

What a blinkered society we live in, where we can catagorize abuse victims as potential abusers.
They must do it, they think or say, in front of your face, but hold on, you dont know the human suffering I faced.

You cannot ever be in an abused childs mind, and acting on stupid achademic evidence is outside your remit to be a psyche doc.

I have to challenge this guy on what he said, for his own good, and to teach him some life lessons.
I will give him stuff to read so he knows what he is talking about.

Give us a break, if we choose to open up to you, and you say that we must be abusers as matter of 'fact' go back to school.

Why should I have to educate those who are more educated then me, but then again, I have got my degree in psychiatry without the honours, just hard work working on my own mind.

I will educate you my friend, but your education has either eroded in Uni life, and been transposed by your educator, the consultant, or you choose your own mind.

They will never know the answers if we dont tell it for what it is,

ste
 
Ste,

I have often said to you that I thought that psychiatrist you saw was an idiot where survivor issues are concerned. This just confirms me in that view. I hope you are staying well clear of him!

Much love,
Larry
 
I hate that guote. The truth is, in my opinion, that many of the people who abuse kids were abused. But the vast majority of people who were abused as children do not grow up to abuse children themselfs. It is miss quoted and miss heard, miss read, whatever, all the time.

Dale
 
I think i would report what this guy did to the state licensing board. I don't think what he did was professional and within the ethics of his license. That may be just my opinion but If it was me, I'd be writing a letter.
 
None of us are all-knowing, all-seeing, but this is just plain stupid and ignorant to the point of making his board membership subject to review a serious consideration. Where did he get his degree? Did he order it from one of those ads that I see on the back of Star Magazine?
 
I remember Ken Singer writing on this site about choosing a therapist. In his article he points out that you can't assume that the therapist in front of you has any experience with male survivor issues. Therapy is a broad field, and some Ts may have no expertise beyond reading a book or two. The guy Ste saw sounds like one of those.

Much love,
Larry
 
Guys,

Just to play the Devil's advocate for a second here:

This could have just been one of those things that therapists say to see what kind of response they can get. I know mine liked to toss a curve ball every now and then. I know the question would have made me uncomfortable too, but that could have been the therapist's intent in asking it, i.e., he was trying to take me out of my comfort zone.

Just a thought.

Nobby
 
Nah,

he is a junior psyche doc, not long out of Uni, so I guess they get taught the nonsense that abused boys go on to abuse as men.

I said something like, if that was the case, you would not be able to walk the streets for fear of violence, and most kids would have been abused who he sees around his life.

Maybe it is us, who should be teaching this issue with these docs who are entering society with fixed and blinkered views.
God knows how much information to the contrary there is, but this needs a concerted effort to change societies views.

It is discrimination to say the least, and is it any wonder there is so much silence in the World.
Suffering fools (not very gladly),

ste
 
ste,

You took what surely could have been your moment to go off on the idiocy of his statement and turned it into a learning opportunity. I hope he learned a valuable lesson from the gentleman that you are for doing that.

Paul
 
ste,
i agree with paul's statement. it is a profound reflection of the man you are that you responded as you did with the integrity of attempting to educate this greenhorn, if not actual fool. kudos, my brother.
 
Hiya Nobbynobs,

I see where you are coming from, but if I were a therapist going that route, the furthest I might take it would be to perhaps bring up the theories some may have on the connection between being abused and becoming an abuser and explore that openly and directly.....not come of in an accusing tone and ask, right off the bat, have you abused children

No more than if in a session. a patient admitted to trying to come to grips with his homosexuality and the next thing I asked was OH, and you have tried to commit suicide? SOME in this boat my try to tahe that route but i I think it a little presumptuous to just go there so directly and perhaps, unneccessarily trigger the patient.
 
Are we seen as abusers by the very fact that we were abused!

I wanted that to be the heading, but thought it would not fit the title bar.
If you report that you have been abused in this country then surely you will be on a sex offender awareness list somewhere.

This is what I am getting at, and why would someone want to tell if they thought that authorities would automatically think that they would be prone to abuse because of past abuse :mad:

WTF are they teaching them at Uni?
The mentors have taught them blinkered thinking on one avenue of their own research, but believe me, I have researched this subject in depth, and I should be their mentor, but why? Should I have to when we are all pre-judged.

He just strenghtened my armour on society and how it thinks of what goes on, and you know what!
I can use these remarks to my, and your advantage, by quoting why there is so much silence.

ste
 
Originally posted by Jay Bee:
Hiya Nobbynobs,

I see where you are coming from, but if I were a therapist going that route, the furthest I might take it would be to perhaps bring up the theories some may have on the connection between being abused and becoming an abuser and explore that openly and directly.....not come of in an accusing tone and ask, right off the bat, have you abused children

No more than if in a session. a patient admitted to trying to come to grips with his homosexuality and the next thing I asked was OH, and you have tried to commit suicide? SOME in this boat my try to tahe that route but i I think it a little presumptuous to just go there so directly and perhaps, unneccessarily trigger the patient.
Click to expand...
Yeah I know...it's a pretty spurious argument, and I agree that only a very confident or very naive therapist would toss that line out.
 
Brothers,

Following up on my post of yesterday, here is the comment of Ken Singer's that I was referring to:

As a specialist working with male survivors for years, I've seen many men who had encountered misdirected, inadequate or harmful therapy. Sometimes it is a failure on the therapist's part to acknowledge he doesn't have sufficient experience with male survivor issues. The therapist's experience may be limited to having attended a workshop at a conference or read a book on the subject. While he may be sincerely interested in working with male survivors, the therapist, rather than the survivor, tends to learn on the job while you're paying.
Click to expand...
The misguided T we are talking about looks like he fits this category.

Much love,
Larry
 
Larry,

thanks for posting that, but this guy doesnt understand English, and the last time I saw him, he told me that I did not have Alzheimers!

That explained the kiddie test he put me through, but guess what! I am just a training guinea pig for him, because he doesnt have a clue.

He triggered me off the face of the Earth with one interview, and I thought, what next.
When I see him on the 17th, he wont be so lucky, because I want answers to therapy.

He hasnt got a clue what CSA does to an adult survivor, not a little clue, so maybe I will print something off for him to read, and be aware of the acuteness of what he is dealing with.

I can only wish,

ste
 
Ste,

We should talk about that appointment, if that's cool with you. You really deserve to get proper attention from a specialist in CBT, not some counselor who clearly seems to know little about male survivor issues.

Much love,
Larry
 
Whether it's language, culture, or lack of professional training, this guy does not seem to be the right one for you. If you can't get a meeting of the minds and you feel he is typecasting you as an offender in training, I would ask for a different T.

If he's a pdoc and you just need meds, see about getting a good (preferably CBT) therapist to deal with the issues. This guy doesn't seem to fit the bill.

Ken
 
We are hear searching for answers they are searching for victims. Thats all we need to know.

Love 4 ever.

MARK
 
And hang on alzheimers?! I work in a mental health team for people over 65. Don't know how old you are, if your 80+ it may play a factor, but i really really don't think so!

At a loss for words!

But always here for all of you.

MARK
 
Mind (the mental health charity) maintain, if I remember right, that 80% of those who abuse children were themselves abused as children. If that's right then the doctor's correct to say that it's common for abusers to have been abused themselves.

Nevertheless, as Dale pointed out, he's totally missing the point and his question to Ste was completely ignorant and out of order. The relevant statistic (again: according to Mind & my memory) is that only 20% of those who have been abused go on to abuse others. The overwhelming majority of people who've been abused don't go on to abuse others.

Tom
 
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