I'm so sorry for what you've been through brother, hugs.
I don't really like to talk about this, but I agree with almost everything you said and I'd like to add on my opinion. As a male survivor of female abuse, I think there's almost no other way to positively see women (at least from a male survivor's perspective). But obviously, it's pretty harmful to generalize and put everyone into this category. Women do the same thing with men when they say "all men," and men feel like it's not fair, right? It makes it seem like those men feel called out and are defending male abusers. But in this one, I think I understand female survivors too. For me, I'm scared of all men and all women until proven to be safe people. It comes off as hate, but I don't think it's hate, it’s just fear and trauma speaking.
From my experience, I grew up being abused by both male and female abusers alike, so I know firsthand that both can be equally evil. I think What makes female abusers get away with it is not entirely women's fault or deflection, in my opinion. One of the reasons might be because men don't take male survivors seriously, of which female abusers take advantage, I've seen this behavior in my own culture, and I thought maybe it's different in the West, that maybe men there have a different mindset. I thought if I said I was abused by a woman, I wouldn't be ridiculed and called a pussy. But I think it's a universal thing. When men are shamed for being abused by women, it comes from the fact that those men don't see women as equals. They think they're superior, especially in terms of physical strength, believing they can handle a woman easily. So they see women as these soft, innocent, submissive humans who can't possibly harm a man. But in fact, a woman can abuse just as much as a man can, often in ways you might not even realize. Women can be master manipulators. They can smile at you but be quietly plotting your downfall. They might not have the physical advantage in most cases, but they can manipulate, drug, and use you. That's a huge problem because now nobody believes that "a woman fucked you up" and that there’s no way you didn’t have some consent in letting it happen. That mindset really triggers me. Women use that too, to deflect and seem innocent, hence getting away with it.
Aside from that, I can't count how many times I've seen loud men not being supportive of us male survivors online. I fucking hope it doesn’t translate to real life, because most social media users hide behind a screen to talk shit. But from what I've repeatedly seen online under article headlines about a man being sexually assaulted by a woman, I was shocked by the amount of men laughing at it. They say things like, "Oh, she's hot, he won", "I wish it was me", "that's a win for him," and other deranged comments. What really surprised me was the number of women, most of them seemed to be female survivors as well, leaving empathetic messages for the guy instead of making fun of the situation. I found it insane because I expected the men to be more supportive. Then I realized why no one takes men abused by women seriously—because those same men are loudly making fun of it. And then we wonder why men don’t speak up for themselves, why men find it hard to admit that a woman abused them. It’s because of the social shame, that it’s "not masculine," that "you’re weaker than a woman." So I don’t really expect women to speak for us men. They’re already doing a good job speaking for themselves and shedding light on what happens to female victims and being loud about it. That’s why I was shocked to find this site even exists. At one point, I felt like men who would understand were a minority. In my culture, it’s more believable if I say a man raped me versus a woman. So I'm grateful for this site, full of men who understand how fucking shitty it is to deal with the trauma you're left with after being assaulted, whether by a man or a woman.
I really don’t like how this whole thing is turning into a gender war because it distracts us from the real issue—holding male or female abusers accountable, should be addressed as who they really are, "male abusers/rapists/criminals", "female abusers/rapists/criminals". It shouldn’t be a competition of who does it worse, or who does it more, and no one should be defending these horrible people just to make their gender look good. People should focus on change and betterment, not on undermining each other’s voices. We need to advocate for change.
Most of what I see are some men and women who aren't even victims speaking for us survivors, because they don't like the fact that their genders are being painted in a bad light, most of them don't even believe what we went through, they don't even care. They can’t relate, so to them, what we went through doesn’t exist or made up. Unfortunately, these people are louder than us survivors who went through horrifying shit. So you’ll find a lot of men and women screaming "misogyny" or "misandry" to defend their gender, when in fact we’re just calling out the male or female abusers.