apologies from abusers?

OnceInnocent

Registrant
Have you received a genuine apology from any of your abusers?
I was made to apologize to a few of mine because of naming them, including my brother.
My brother only one time "apologized". But it became clear that it was only to appease his fiancé.
The man who raped me as an adult never apologized. In fact I wound up apologizing to him for making things awkward...
What have your experiences been?
 
no one ever apologized to me. in fact, no one ever even admitted that the abuse had taken place. as I result, I was made to doubt what I knew had occurred. ironically, I was so desperate for some sort of positive male relationship that I once also apologized to the first and longest-term abuser, the step-dad, for not being a better son. he never acknowledged that, either. the guys in school and scouts framed their abuse as initiation. the stranger just took advantage of my vulnerability and it was like a hit and run.

I am sorry that you were forced to apologize to your abusers. that is adding insult to injury and highly disrespectful of your rights.

Lee
 

OnceInnocent

Registrant
no one ever apologized to me. in fact, no one ever even admitted that the abuse had taken place. as I result, I was made to doubt what I knew had occurred. ironically, I was so desperate for some sort of positive male relationship that I once also apologized to the first and longest-term abuser, the step-dad, for not being a better son. he never acknowledged that, either. the guys in school and scouts framed their abuse as initiation. the stranger just took advantage of my vulnerability and it was like a hit and run.

I am sorry that you were forced to apologize to your abusers. that is adding insult to injury and highly disrespectful of your rights.

Lee
God, I’m so sorry!
Only one of the 12 (my brother, apologised, but it was clearly under duress so he could get married and now have a big scene...)
I feel like the 7 others who were like you said “hit and runs” were less horrible as a result.
 
My abuser never apologized, and frankly, I don't want her to and I wouldn't accept it if it was offered.

An apology seems completely inadequate for what her actions have put me through. And there is no way to know how sincere any words she could say would actually be. She was never truthful to me before. Why would I think any apology would be sincere?

An apology is just words. My pain is much deeper than any words could touch, rendering words empty and meaningless. Real actions would make a difference, but I don't want to be anywhere near her, so there's no chance of that.

I've just had to let it go.
 

OnceInnocent

Registrant
My abuser never apologized, and frankly, I don't want her to and I wouldn't accept it if it was offered.

An apology seems completely inadequate for what her actions have put me through. And there is no way to know how sincere any words she could say would actually be. She was never truthful to me before. Why would I think any apology would be sincere?

An apology is just words. My pain is much deeper than any words could touch, rendering words empty and meaningless. Real actions would make a difference, but I don't want to be anywhere near her, so there's no chance of that.

I've just had to let it go.
I totally get that. at this point, as much as sometimes I think I wish I had gotten an apology, I know it will never genuinely happen, just like you say. they are no longer in my life.
thanks man!
 
Though I didn't receive it for 32 years after it was written (and 5 years after he had died), the Minister-perp wrote me a very vague, Therapist-ordered, apology. (I posted it in my UMC thread)
 

Brennan87

Registrant
Once,
My heart goes out to you that you had to apologize. This must have been horrific for you.

I've never received an apology from either. In fact, for one of them, I've never seen him again after our "fun". The other, who I adamantly believe was abused by the other, I've seen since at a funeral. It was clear there was something going on with him, as I was the only one in the procession he avoided (Thankfully).
 

OnceInnocent

Registrant
Once,
My heart goes out to you that you had to apologize. This must have been horrific for you.

I've never received an apology from either. In fact, for one of them, I've never seen him again after our "fun". The other, who I adamantly believe was abused by the other, I've seen since at a funeral. It was clear there was something going on with him, as I was the only one in the procession he avoided (Thankfully).
my goodness. im so sorry for what you have been through!
 

Chris4TheMill

Registrant
Of the MANY family, peers, bosses, co-workers, acquaintances, strangers, etc. who have abused, mistreated, or even tried to murder me, I have not gotten one apology. (I did get a few half-hearted ones from my aunt, but not for the past, just for present situations). I can tell you, that really sucks. It hasn't stopped me though, but it is mind-boggling how delusional and twisted people can be..
 

Dale M

Registrant
No one apologized to me.....he is dead now since 1989 so it doesn't matter....
I just wish he was still alive so he could see just how bad he messed me up. I would really like to find out why a father would what mine did to me.....i dont understand at all
 
My mom apologized for my perp stepfather. But it was sort of back handed because ‘we (us children) judge him too harshly”. That was about 30 years after the fact and I was too dumb at the time to see it that way. It took about 10 years to realize it.
 

Erik Zachary

Registrant
In a similar boat to many here I also apologized to my worst perp, saying that I would be a better boyfriend and no screw up again.
My perp never once apologized for anything, even non abuse related. Honestly, I don't want him to. I had a T tell me to write a letter to myself from perps perspective and have him apologize but I abhorred the idea, it felt really disgusting to me. No amount of "i'm sorry" would ever make up for what he did.
 
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