Anyone else in my position?

[dark empathy]

Well I'm really glad this forum is here, ----- nice new idea guys.

I just wanted to ask one question that is really getting on my whick, did anyone have a similar experience to me?

I I was not abused by parents, or by an adult. I was virtually gang raped and riddiculed by a bunch of girls my own age or slightly older 12-15 during my time at secondary school. Stuff included having my trousers pulled down, being forced to touch others while having my face spat in, a lot of physical violence (though that happened from boys as well), significant verbal abuse someone attempting to stuff a tampon in my mouth etc. ----- sorry, can't continue with the catalogue.

I've only thus far come across one person in a similar position to me, ie, abused by a bunch of essentially strangers in acts of fairly extreme school bullying. While everyone's experience is obviously different, even among male survivers I do sometimes feel a bit alone with this.

Afterall, I didn't exactly know my abusers, and while I'm now recognizing there was a bit more interacting betwene us than just on a level of strangers, ----- one of the worst things I remember was one of my female abusers asking me if I liked her? while attempting to strip off my shirrt, this was certainly a long way from it being a family member or adult i actually knew, ---- pluss, as I've said, there were multiple people involved, at least three, sometimes as many as 6.

I just wondered if anyone else has experienced anything remotely similar.

 

[Ken Singer LCSW]

Pretty awful experience, Dark. It sounds like sexualized bullying that is unfortunately all too typical for kids that age. My guess is that some of them went along with it because they felt they had to (maybe the one who asked if you liked her?) and maybe today some of them recall this with some shame for acting like this.

I think there are a number of men here who experienced sexualized bullying around that age. Maybe most of it was homophobic nastiness done by boys.

However it was done, it was dispicable and should not have happened. If it is of any consolation, I'd bet most or all of them realize today, when they think back, that they had done some stupid and hurtful behavior to you.

 

[dark empathy]

To be honest Ken, I doubt they even remember, ---- nor do I particularly care. Yes I know that coming as close to gang raping a boy as a bunch of girls can is something people ought to remember, but so much of the time it was just a case of if they happened to have nothing to do, if they happened to notice I exist etc.

I did experience more physical violence from boys, but the stuff that actually made me go into recovery and has given me all the hangups was what the girls did, ----- which increased in frequency as I moved up the school.