Anyone else feel weird after telling someone your story?

[dcwofhs90]

As many of you know, I told my trusted friend (and next door neighbor) my story several months ago. Sometimes when the subject comes up, now I feel weird and awkward. I don't understand why I feel this way, especially considering that he's always been accepting, concerned and supportive. Maybe I feel this way because I should've gotten over it by now. I don't know. Has anyone else experienced this?

 

[Coyotejack]

I've only told one friend and it only came up because he went to the same high school though several years early than me. I was curious if the rumors were true about the priests and teachers and they were. He also lived in the neighborhood around the time of the assaults. I didn't give him any details just an overview. Not sure why I told him. I'd just told my adult kids and siblings a few weeks before. But I've spoken with him a couple times since. He has called both times and a bit more frequently than we usually talk. He brings it up each time now and it is a bit awkward for me. He seems genuinely concerned but I don't know. I am second guessing telling him. Same now with my primary. I felt I should let her know I was seeing a therapist for early trauma as she is the one treating the fibromyalgia at the moment. I kept it vague but again I am second guessing and wondering if I made a mistake.

 

[MO-Survivor]

Vulnerability regret?

I don’t have trouble talking about my abuse anymore, although there is always some anxiety because I never know how someone will react / respond / not respond. Afterwards… especially if I don’t get much feedback, it’s easy to regret being so vulnerable.

I had a friend here who told me about some of his struggles and addictions and wrote that he probably shouldn’t be telling me those things. I was puzzled why he would say that. When I asked, he said that people can use things like that against you. The concept was foreign to me at the time. I’d never had anyone do that. But, I know there are indeed people who will use your personal details and weaknesses against you.

Sharing is always a risk. But IMO it’s a good risk.

 

[dcwofhs90]

I'm still glad I told him, and he's said many times that if I ever want to talk about it that he's always available for me. I'm pretty good (I think) at reading body language and facial expressions and sometimes I get the feeling that "oh crap, we're talking about this again" is going through his mind. There are some things here at MS that I've screenshotted and sent to him which are related to some of the things we've talked about in the past...a few days ago I sent him a paragraph of something someone said and sent it to him. The conversation was marked as "read" but he didn't respond at all.

Maybe I'm reading too much into it. I have some anxiety issues and I tend to worry about things that aren't even an issue...I don't know, maybe that's it.

 

[Michael14]

I feel weird too...my wife got it out of me and I was balling my eyes out. I told my therapist because my marriage was going south. I then told my best friend from grammar school.....I tried to tell him in 8th grade, but that didn't work out. Stopped communicating with him and he thought it was him...when I told him, he was relieved but at the same time said he'd be there for me and we talk almost every day if not weekly. I have NOT brought it back up since...I'm not sure how or what I'd say about it. I bring up therapy to him but not really what we talk about. I guess, for me, I don't want to be in that space where you are at now....as I can sense body language as well. That's why I found this...however this is the only other time I've logged into it since my first time. I use my therapist and this....hell I don't really talk about it with my wife other than what my therapist and I talk about it. So, I guess with this tangent I went on, I would suggest asking him up front, "does it bother you that I talk to you about it or make you feel uncomfortable?" Maybe they are put back because they don't know that they just need to LISTEN and not respond or respond but don't try to give advice....be there for us, advice and help is from therapists. WIth you...I need to vent. hope this helps.

 

[dcwofhs90]

I tried to tell him in 8th grade, but that didn't work out.

I tried telling a girl who I thought was a good friend back in the 90s. As soon as I started telling her, she interrupted me and said, "...I don't want to hear about it..." It was a horrible experience, and might be why I buried my memories for the next few dacades...who knows...

 

[Dost]

I feel super vulnerable and scared people might reject me—which, to be fair, has already happened. So now, after I share something personal, I end up asking my close friends, ‘Sooo… you still like me, right?

 

[Michael14]

I tried telling a girl who I thought was a good friend back in the 90s. As soon as I started telling her, she interrupted me and said, "...I don't want to hear about it..." It was a horrible experience, and might be why I buried my memories for the next few dacades...who knows...

I can totally understand how this would make you feel....I originally had told him that I masterbated and he told me, "don't tell me your problems"...well that did it; and I kept it hidden for 42 years

 

[dcwofhs90]

I can totally understand how this would make you feel....I originally had told him that I masterbated and he told me, "don't tell me your problems"...well that did it; and I kept it hidden for 42 years

Years afterwards it occurred to me that maybe she had also been molested and dealing with her own demons, and didn't want any more on her plate. Whatever the reason, she certainly didn't handle it properly at all.

 

[Georgie]

I haven't told people details about my abuse because I don't see it as relevant. I just say I was abused. Many details are ugly, so of course there are people who don't want to hear them.

 

[Michael14]

Years afterwards it occurred to me that maybe she had also been molested and dealing with her own demons, and didn't want any more on her plate. Whatever the reason, she certainly didn't handle it properly at all.

She didn't handle it well for you....but she did handle it the best she could for her. That aside...you are here...we are here....and let's move forward the best we can to take back control of our lives.

 

[dcwofhs90]

She didn't handle it well for you....but she did handle it the best she could for her.

I don't know that she was abused; I was merely speculating as a possibility as to why she shut down so quickly. But there are certainly countless other reasons...

 

[Steve E.]

. . . He brings it up each time now and it is a bit awkward for me.

This is pure speculation, but could it be possible that your friend had something similar happen to him that he’d like to talk about it but isn’t ready yet?

 

[Coyotejack]

This is pure speculation, but could it be possible that your friend had something similar happen to him that he’d like to talk about it but isn’t ready yet?

Anything is possible.