Any suggestions how this is going to proceed?

[susie]

My husband and I are separated since about two years now. We have children together. After having the children he became violent towards me, accusing me day in day out of being a bad mother, because of minor reasons like not having the house cleaned to a perfect extent or not being protective enough with the kids. He himself came from a household which was far from perfect, in fact that's where his CSA took place.
After the birth of our second child his abusive behavior towards me was getting worse. It was a boy, and he was so uneasy about it he never wanted me to return from hospital with him. It was so sad. I don't know I was coping at that time.
He started acting out, at the same time told me bits and pieces about his past, tried to get it on with several of my girlfriends at the same time. Then he told me, he would have massive trust issues. That it wouldn't be my fault, but he can't change the way he feels. He got an appointment with a therapist, then cancelling it all at the last second because he felt "uncomfortable".
Not long after that, we parted.

I thought the kids and I would be important enough for him to change his ways, to try and get help. I will never get over the fact we weren't.
Two years later we are both still single. I wonder if he ever changes his mind.

 

[Sterling]

Sorry you , your husband , and your kids are going thru this.
Its so sad to see how CSA affects others.
Have you thought of contacting him and see how everything
is going?
I hope you and your family are having a peaceful time in the
holiday season.
I hope your ex husband is getting help.
I hope you get others feedback.

take care,
J

 

[MountainGirl]

Susie, I'm sorry you are going through this pain. The thing your husband is trying so hard to avoid, is huge and more daunting than you can ever imagine. Don't feel as though you and your children weren't worth it to him. He is probably overwhelmed with fear and shame and other hard emotions. Sadly, until he is able to face down the CSA and all of its repercussions, and seek help from a therapist, his life and how he deals with stressors will remain unchanged. I hope you and your children can find your own place of peace and understanding.

 

[Bowierocks]

Having a similar problem with my wife but never got violent just a lot of arguing and I running away every night and running back again asking forgiveness . Usually have good make up sex and al is good until the next evening . Bit flirtatious as well , but never crossed the line . Wife used to blame herself for me being out of it and not participating as much . But this run , I hate you , then I want you was totally out of character . We were super strong before all this arose . We have three kids .. I do see a shrink and am on 5 different meds for PTSD . I decided instead of getting angry to express vulnerability and ask for hugs . I thought she would see me as weak but no that's not true . I also decided to let it go that she doesn't get it at all, because she hasn't gone through it , I think I have threatened to leave 4 nights a week for the past 7 months . She is still with me and loves me, so ultimately decided to just trust her and be with her and tell her how I feel . Trust is huge among survivors . I think one can turn it around . You shouldn't take it personally as it likely has nothing to do with you , it's the abuse and if faces it , he could get by .

 

[Severe stammer]

Im very sorry to hear of what life is like with the trauma of CSA , and all being lost in a world of utter madness .
You have to think about you and your children , I cant believe you offered to get him professional help I was just laughed at and humiliated well done x.
Have you told your ex husband about this site and why is he not trying to take that much needed help and compassion you have shown .
Try to stay positive , I was mentally sexually and physically abused as a child which caused major dysfunction in my social skills I also have a severe stammer .
Have you tried group therapy ?
don't beat yourself up , you've even come on here to seek help and that is a very special gift and your a very Loving person ,
I has to want to help himself now .
I wish you all the luck in the world and have a lovely new year to you and your family
Big hug x