Another small victory for me...

Another small victory for me...
L

LupinIII

Registrant
...as many of your read I have ben having a really hard time the pastfew days. Well this morning was the worst. I was really depressing myself and then I started to get the old urges for women. It got so bad that I started shivering a bit from the desire.

I got in my car at lunch and drove around a seedy area. There were strip clubs, modelling studios and even adult theaters. I stopped and even spoke to a stripper outside about the costs. She was oozing sleaze and it drove my behavior...but somehow I kept on telling myself to get in the car and drive...with each noew journey the intensity leseened..until I was finally able to get myself away...this is the second time in the last six months that the old urges to act out came upon me and for the second time I resisted. I feel genuinely sick inside...my stomach is in knots...but I feel good that I did what was best for me...its funny but it's only in the last month or so that I put my intense sexual desire for women together with being a victim of my mother. Even thinking about that stripper rightn ow makes me hungry for her, but I am trying to turn it over to a higher power (12 step model if you will)..acknowledge the feeling and let it pass...

...anyway since is one of the few places that might appreciate another victoy, I wanted to write about it.
 
Congrats brother,

I find within myself different desires to act out upon, but I find that the consequences of my acting out will have a negative effect on my recovery. More importantly, I know that the only reason why those desires are there is because of the sa, not because of me.

You said, "acknowledge the feeling and let it pass." Exactly, I allow myself to feel it and to understand why I have it. As soon as I do that it does pass. Instead of trying to block it out, I let it flow like a river or tear. I know that the more that I do that the less and less it will occur. It washes away, like a river into the sea and away from me. Congrats brother, I can only imagine how hard it was to resist.

Take it easy,
Fusion
 
LupinIII,

Yeah, we take them one victory at a time, right? This is a good post to read. Progress is possible, and we have proof.

Thanks,

Joe
 
Lupin III, that was a very big victory. Thank you for letting us know about it.

There is a book on the booklist at our MS site about sex after abuse. I will look it up for you. It is certainly the natural thing for us to want a woman in our lives that we can love and who loves us. We just need to keep reminding ourselves about the enormous difference between sex and love.

Peace to you.

Bob
 
I think that there is not such a thing as 'small victories' for us. There is only cause for celebration, whether it be 'small' or big. I am glad that, in spite of challenging yourself with the temptation, you came through so well and strong. Congratulations.

Leosha
 
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