Another lost victim

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Another lost victim

Fellow men:

Today we received the terrible news about the finding of the body of the abducted 5 year old California girl. I hope and pray that her suffering was not great. May her soul know peace.

And, may we the survivors always remember that by the grace of a power beyond us we were fortunate enough to have survived our horrors. May we keep this fact in the front of our hearts and minds and use it to truly make the most of the rest of our lives. With humility and respect,

rafael
 
Not long after I remembered what happened to me, the thought crossed my mind that it could have been worse.

It doesn't help much. I want gratitude to have nothing to do with what happened to me.
 
In many ways I envy her...I think living with the things many of us live with are more horrible than death....I guess I've always wished my uncle would have just killed me instead....michaelb :(
 
I can't stand to hear of any child being hurt much less murdered. I know what you mean about thinking death would be better. There have been many a time I have thought to sleep forever would solve everything. But I kept thinking what it would do to my family. So I trudge on.
 
There have been many a time I have thought to sleep forever would solve everything. But I kept thinking what it would do to my family. So I trudge on.
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JackJohn those words say rang with me. Isn't sad that only others can sometimes give us a reason to live. That the value of our own lives is not sufficient.

Ken
 
Guys,

Life is too precious to wish you were dead. Believe me I understand the pain that we have all gone through and continue to go through and I have, in the past, considered suicide. What I have learned, is that even during the most painful times, there is always something to live for.

I cried this morning when I heard about that little girl. She is not better off dead. That girl had the potential to be a wonderful human being that could make this world a better place. I choose to take my grief from this tragedy, as well as my own abuse, and all of the other horrible stories about abuse victims and channel it toward action.

I write letters, donate to the Center for Missing and Exploited Children, and take every opportunity to educate people on sexual abuse of children. I realize that I, by myself, will not change the world. But if we all take our pain and grief and turn it into action, we can collectively change the world.

We all handle our past abuse in different ways and we are all at different stages of recovery, but goddamn it, don't let the fucking abusers win. Live to fight! If each of us can only help one person in our life, the world is much better off for our efforts.

I am not trying to de-emphasize the pain of recovery from abuse, but in my experience helping other victims or doing something to protect a potential victim has helped me in my recovery. It is analogous to parents wanting their children to be better off than they were. We cannot rid the world of sexual abuse in a day, but if we can work towards ensuring that each successive generation has fewer and fewer instances, it will eventually be wiped out.

As for me, I am going to live my life as best I can and use my pain and the pain from each victims story to steel my heart and fight these motherfuckers anywhere and any way that I can.
 
Amen WillP.

But first you have to learn to fox your own demons before going after the real world ones.
Losing control in the presence of one of these parasites could be a very bad thing for the survivor not ready to handle it.
 
we all have something to get over, some worse than others. and that is only a perception.

are pain is are pain it can't be compared.

it is real ! It is ours. It is sad she was killed and devistating to her family.
 
A life lost at a young age is a tragedy, any time before your time is up is too short.
I nearly lost my brother to suicide, thankfully alert friends found him and he's ok now, but I did lose a dear childhood friend who's history is the same as ours to suicide, and I know what pain it leaves behind. I'm fighting back the tears to write this.

The deviants that rape and kill are without doubt the lowest scum imaginable, and should be hounded to the bitter end.
I don't agree one bit that this poor girl is better off dead, there is a life after abuse and rape, not a perfect life I know, but a good satisfying life is possible and she should have had the chance we have.

The chance of recovery IS THERE, and we should be take the anger we feel at this poor childs death and turn it into strength through revenge.
Revenge is being strong and proving these abusers wrong.

WE CAN DO IT !!!

Lloydy
 
How can you say death is not the answer...Do you really think you will suffer more in death than you have enduring what you've endured????....I had a baby brother die when i was young and i guess i've envied him all my life...At least this poor child does not have to endure the damage done to her...The more i try to "recover", the more i believe recovery is impossible for me and i have to question whether it is really possible for anybody....Maybe if her parents loved her and sought her real help, maybe.....unfortunately, i did not or do not have that love......i guess because i am unworthy......michaelb
 
I guess all that I can say with regard to choosing life over death is that my abuse happened 30 years ago. My life now is filled with bad things that are clearly attributable to my abuse. I get extremely depressed, I have a very poor self image, I suffer flashbacks and repressed memories, I have a poor relationship with my parents and siblings, I act out, I have addiction problems, and the list goes on and on.

All of that being said, not a day goes by that I can't find at least one thing that makes me glad to be alive. Sometimes I have to look pretty damn hard to find it. Sometimes I even may have to convince myself that I found something. But death is final. I don't know if there is anything after we die, but I do know that there is joy in living. It may be as simple as playing catch with my dogs or as truly awe-inspiring as seeing my baby take his first steps. We were certainly not able to control what happened to us as boys, but we can definitely control how we let it affect us now. Now, I'm not saying that by simply saying "I won't let my abuse affect my life" will suddenly make your problems go away. But we can definitely choose to look for the good things in life. The good may not always outweigh the bad, but the harder you try to identify positive things in life, the more positive things you will find.

P.S. Reading these posts and knowing that we are all trying to recover from abuse and that we all have little victories occasionally is one of those good things about life that I was talking about.
 
Bravo WillP and Lloydy!

I admire greatly each of your words and feelings. I agree so much. In WillP's words..."We were certainly not able to control what happened to us as boys, but we can definitely control how we let it affect us now." This is the kind of thought, feeling, frame of mind, attitude, etc. I try to hold onto in every moment. To take responsibility for my feelings, my actions, my words, and my healing. This is the only way to create for myself the kind of life I have always deserved.

WillP, reading your quote lifted my spirit and brought a smile to both my face and my heart. Thank you so much for what you said. I am going through a tough time in my life and your words helped guide me back onto a healthier path. May we all reach the place where we commit to creating and living the kind of lives all survivors deserve! Sincerely,

rafael :)
 
Thanks Rafael,
I know the loss of a life affects us all deeply, and I suppose it doesn't matter if the child dies as a victim or an adult SA victim takes their own life, the abuser is the murderer whichever way we look at it.

So many of us have been far too close to that narrow line, many are still still performing a desperate balancing act.
But I'm sure that as long as they have the will and the courage to come here and share their load with others, they will stay the right side of the line.

All the people I have experience of who have tried, or succeeded, in taking their own lives were living in secrecy about whatever problem they were enduring. I certainly did.
And that is surely the biggest problem, maintaining the secrecy, and keeping the facade of "being ok" to the outside world.
Share your burden with just ONE person and the load is shared and lightened. But I know it's hard.
The temptation, through depression, is to retreat back into the secret world once more. It looks an easy, comfortable place to be. We tell ourselves "say nothing, it's easier that way" but it isn't.
Tell the world, tell your friends, tell us- over and over again if you want, never shut up about it, 'cause if you do the bastards come creeping back into your head.

This topic, like many others, has drifted off at a tangent, but death's a hard thing to ignore, and like I said, if it happens it's another murder, even if a coroner says it's suicide.

Remember this from the M.A.S.H. theme tune ?
"that suicide is painless It brings on many changes and I can take or leave it if I please....and you can do the same thing if you please."

Lloydy
 
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