Another day is here and I still feel like a worthless unemployed bum. I have never been able to hold a job for more than a few years- I get really depressed and feel trapped which kills my work ethic. That's when I start to act out. Covid killed my last job last year and I can't help thinking how much I want a new job and I don't. I finally came to terms with what happened when I was a boy later last year. I had to stop betraying my wife's trust and find a way to become a functional adult in his 40s. I am terrified of being in the workplace again. Mid life crisis coupled with my PTSD and the guilt/shame of acting out have frozen me in place. I need to find a successful career and be somebody. I have many years to make up for. How do people find the strength? Sorry for the ranting. I needed to get this off my chest this morning. I need a win. I need something to look forward to. Peace.