Another Crappy Sunday

Another Crappy Sunday
O

orodo

Registrant
Why is it that Sunday, which should be the best day of the week, always turns out so shitty? Today my kids had football games, and I forgot to bring the pads for their pants. I had everything else, the cleats, the chairs, the snaks, helmets, cups, the whole shootin match...except for the pads. I had put them in the cellar, to get them out of the way of the housekeeper (which is me...I clean before the housekeeper comes over?????????)who cleans on Fridays. So again, it was all my fault. Dropped off the kids for pre-game practice, and offered to get coffee and bagel for the wife. She says sure. Then she starts crying. And I did not feel a thing. She said "I can't go on living like this, all the ups and downs, with a husband who is emotionally detached and does not love me." Of course, I said " That's not true, if I didn't love you I would have checked out a long time ago." End of conversation. She cried for another 1/2 hour. And I didn't. So then I spaced out for most of the games, which they both lost. Went to my Mom's for lunch after. Had not said one word to anyone since the donut shop thing. Wife suggests apple picking...I say whatever (we have two pecks of apples already, but i guess it's the experience that is the point). When we get home, she says "Don't you have anything to say?" My reply: "NO".

Am I supposed to be sorry and ask her forgiveness for something? Did I do something wrong by forgetting the stupid football pads? I am so confused.

Then tonight, I take off to go wash and clean her car. She comes storming out (this was right after my NO reply to her question, see above) and says "I HATE IT WHEN YOU JUST TAKE OFF AND DON'T SAY ANYTHING" My reply: "I am going to wash and clean your car, your majesty, would you like anything while I am out?" (Burned rubber with her car at every corner thereafter until my return.)

This is long, sorry, but it helps me to write it all down. It helps to have you guys listen I guess. Thanks.

So, then, I'm upstairs, putting away laundry, folding, washing, ironing for tomorrow, giving kids baths, and she starts in again. "Are you happy living this life?" My reply "NO" "Well what is it that you want?" My reply "Nevermind it doesn't matter what I want, it's what I need that is more important" Of course she wanted to know what I meant by that, (read she thinks I am Homosexual and want to split) and I was rather annoyed by her pestering manner. So I finally told her what I want, which I can't have. (Read "I want to meet my maker") Her reply: Oh so it's all about you and your problems again, self loathing, inconsiderate of others, always trying to do something for you, always in the NOMSV chat and tell them more than you tell me...blah blah blah i forget the rest.

Maybe I said that to get some attention, I don't know. Sometimes I feel that I NEED AND WANT to get the hell out of this world. Sometimes its just a want, but can't have. Sometimes I'm so happy to be here with myself and my family.

I don't expect any replies or advice...just the thought that you might have read this and that I, maybe, just maybe, am not alone over here. You guys are the only friends I have....
 
(((((((((((((((((((Orodo)))))))))))))))))))))))

I don't have any advice for you. I understand not having anything to say and that having your wife feel shut out. sometimes for me there is just nothing or nothing that I can say. I am thinking about you and hoping that this time with your wife will pass toi a time of acceptance, I think it can happen just don't know how to cause it.

Ken
 
Orodo
sometimes we can't do the right thing if the instructions are in front us in foot high letters.

Our problems are all consuming, or rather our recoveries are, and I have had to force myself to allocate time to what I have to do. And that definitely includes sitting down to talk with my wife properly instead of muttering something as we both head off in opposite directions.

But I don't get it right all the time and the "death stare" from the couch tells me when to leave the keyboard or the book I'm buried in pay attention.

But does anyone get it right all the time ? nobody I know for sure.

Lloydy ;)
 
Hi Brian, thanks for your reply. I am in more therapy than my wife like. I have a therapist I've been seeing for about a year, another with whom I'm working on EMDR, and psychiatrist who works the meds, my primary care physician, my Pastor, I was in a Male Survivor Group for 12 weeks, I went to a listening session and voiced my needs and wants to the Bishop, and every time I do something to work on me, she can't handle it. I wanted to go to a couple of meeting last week ( a priest who is a survivor of abuse by a priest, and an organizational meeting of "Voice of the Faithful") She shot me down on both, saying "How much more do you need?" I have requested and been denied the opportunity to go to couples therapy. "It's not my problem, it's yours." is the answer I always get. I've never heard of a doc like hers who will write Paxil without requiring talk therapy. But I'm not a medical professional, and she is, so what do I know?

About the only good things I bring to Marriage right about now are that I am faithful in body, I have never cheated, I am responsible, keeping my job so far, contribute to the operation of the household in a most significant way. I always attempt to anticipate needs of my family and others, and try to exceed their expectations, and don't expect anything in return. I've already told Mrs. O all that, and she continually says "Thats' not true, you lie, you have a distorted view of reality, you are a whacko, you are a nut case, you are gay, you are going to cheat on me and leave me, you don't love me, you don't show me you love me, blah blah blah.

Thanks Ken.

Thanks Lloydy.

Thanks to all the guys who sent me PM's. Esp. Orodo's Lil Sis.

I avoided chat last night, tried to go to bed early. Had a wicked sugar buzz from eating 6 or 7 apples while picking in the PM, a maple walnut icecream, a peanut butter ice cream, plus I ate a whole can of Pillsbury Frosting, a 1/2 gallon of cookie sandwich ice cream, 4 little debbie cakes, 2 three musketeers bars, and a pound of cheese. Today I have terrible heartburn, the runs, and am coming down with a cold.

AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH

Then this morning, when the heartburn started, I thought i was having a heart attack...sheesh.

5 year old was having a rough start to the day, didn't wanna go to school, made me late for work, made me feel like a rotten father when he said he wants a new daddy, then wife calls me at work to see how the kid did, and she asks again, "when are you gonna talk to me" no reply from me. (kinda inappropriate at work was my thought process i guess) so she says, well i guess we just go on living like this then? my reply....tears. told her i had to go, ran to the bathroom, got my shit together, back to work. stayed extra late, i guess to avoid dealing with her as much as to get the extra work done.

Why am i going on like this in this forum? Beats the shit out of me. Maybe cuz, nobody gonna judge me or attack me when I say sumthin, and if someone says something i don't wanna hear, i don't have to listen? Or I can pick and choose what I want to hear? WHAT IS wrong with me. It's me.
 
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((ORODO))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
i don't have much to say either!! but know that i will ALWAYS be here to support you!!!
take care brother!
HB
 
Thanks, Mom. I love you.

I love all you people. Your prayers help...I can feel it.

Things are better today. Don't know why or how, or for how long, but they are.
 
Orodo
you're right, nobody judges us here, nobody gives us a hard time. All we get is support.

Lloydy

PS. dont fart.... :D
 
We love you bro! Wish I knew what to do to help! I am always here...my hubby doesn't know what is going on, but he'll understand if you need to talk, get together..whatever, he'll watch kids so I can be available! Let me know, ok? Just don't block us out. We don't know what it feels like and what it takes to heal, but we ARE here for you. "Blood is thicker than water, but love is thicker than blood" (Garth Brooks song)and we got both...blood and love...
 
hehehe lloydy!

Thanks Sis. I'll be on chat soon....
 
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