Angry letters to my principals

I’m just writing angry letters to them because they are somewhat responsible for allowing me to be bullied and ruining my life. One is dead now but the other is still alive. Here it goes.

Dear Mr. K,

You helped ruin my life. You knew that I was sexually assaulted in gym class and you didn’t punish my attacker severely enough. You never once tried to separate us after the first assault which led to it happening several times a week on the days I had to take gym with him. You only acted and separated us after four months of hell for me and I became too afraid to turn around in class because I didn’t know who was going to sexually assault me next. That was your first huge mistake. I had signs of severe trauma and of course I didn’t trust anyone in that class. So you decided to blame me for being bullied and being afraid of being sexually assaulted again. That was you second and biggest mistake of all. I spent 14 years hating myself and thinking it was my fault that it had happened. No one ever made me feel safe after the first incident nor that I had rights and that it was okay for me to be terrified after such an event and that I didn’t need to talk about it until I was ready. Everyone kept trying to force me to talk about the assaults before I was ready to do so. Do you know how hard and mentally draining it is trying to repress such a horrible event inside your mind to the point you want to scream and break things out of frustration? I blame myself all the time for anyone else that monster hurt because I didn’t stop him and press charges on him when I still had the chance. I only screamed at those girls the one day in study hall because the one always told me that no one cared about me or what I had to say and I found it very suspicious that she suddenly wanted to talk to me. No one ever asked for my side of the story. And when I was asked to tell it, you brushed it off as me “blaming others” for my mistakes. Is it my fault kids were saying racist things towards me? Is it my fault that I didn’t want to work with someone that did nothing but distract me in class and that I knew any assignment we were both supposed to work together on that I would be doing literally all of the work? Was it my fault that I became withdrawn and afraid of being touched by certain kids after being sexually assaulted? The answer to all of these should be no but you kept telling me it was. My life started to fall apart because you didn’t help me soon enough. I hate to say it but if it were J I know for a fact you would have acted and punished the culprit immediately and made sure it never happened to her again. I never had that because I was literally nothing to you or the school district as a whole.

I’m going to post the other letter later.
 
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manipulated

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Good for you! He was at least an accomplice after the fact to the main assault let alone the continued bullying and abusive behavior of his own on you! If it was a bank robbery he Aided and abetted after the fact he would have been charged!
 
This is an abridged version of the letter to the high school principal that is now dead. I plan on writing a more detailed version and going to his grave this weekend and reading it aloud there. I jus5 need to do this and hope that 8 can get some sort of closure.

Dear Mr. A,

The day my dad said you admitted to him that the bullying I was getting was really bad and that it wasn’t my fault and that you should have done more to help me back then is the day I lost my respect for you as a principal and a man. I respect you only a tiny bit now only as a flawed human being but not much else. Was I really that insignificant to you and the school district that trying to end the bullying and making me feel safe to go to school where I didn’t have garbage literally thrown at my Head on a daily basis too much for you to do? You knew how bad it was getting but no matter how many times I came to you for some help, you never did a single thing to help me until it was too late and I had basiygiven up on life and only dragged along the day wanting to go home so that I could silently cry myself to sleep because I didn’t think that I was worth anything and that life for me would never get any better or change for good for me. I even started to hurt myself intentionally because I thought that everything about me was wrong and I needed to be punished because I couldn’t be like everyone else like you tried to force me to do. Everything was always my fault. Did you know that I came so close to ending it all in class one day? That no one even cared enough about me to notice something was horribly wrong and i was about to do something so drastic that if I had done what I had planned and succeeded there’d be no turning back for me? It was already bad enough for me to have to go to school after J had graduated valedictorian of her class and went to Harvard. I didn’t see myself as being good enough to go to any college with a high level of respect. I constantly felt like teachers that had us both were secretly comparing me with her and thinking that I wasn’t good enough to even be in the class because I was not a straight A student. I had to constantly repress all of my thoughts and emotions because I was being constantly told to shut up because no one cared about me or what I had to say. I still don’t think I’m good enough for anyone to want to be in a relationship with me. You and your staff kept telling me none of the bullying would have happened if I had just acted differently. You blamed me for everything. My life has been a mess since then and I can never get back the horrible years that were wasted in the school. I wanted to skip school so badly just to avoid the bullies but I didn’t only because I knew if I pretended to be sick, I’d be dragged to the doctor’s and be told I’m faking and be forced to go to school anyway and also because I literally had nowhere else to go during the day. If I was a star student athlete, if I was an honor roll student on the path of going to an Ivy League school, or if I had been the son of a wealthy family I know you would have acted immediately and done something. I was nothing to you but an inconvenience. I was no better than a piece of trash since you knew how severe my bullying was and you chose to ignore the problem. If I had been anyone else you’d probably would have stepped in and helped. You knew I was getting more depressed by the day because I stopped smiling in school all together by senior year. If it were my sister you’d notice that there was a problem and try to help her. I am very ashamed to be associated with the school district. I don’t feel any pride for the school. And the saddest part is the best days of high school for me was when we had no classes and didn’t need to go to school. Why the hell would you let all of those horrible things happen to me and not try to do something about it?! I’m not saying completely eliminating all of the bullying. I’m talking about punishing them when they deserved it and checking in on me to see if I was doing okay emotional. Anything that showed me that you saw me as being a valued student in my own way and making me know that it was okay to be myself and not have to be forced to pretend to be someone that I’m not. After today, I’m never going to miss you or think of you that highly. I told you all of this because it is what needed to be said.
 
Did we have the same school? Sorry that you had to go through that, the bad thing is it's still the same at a lot of schools. Sports are God and the boys need a outlet for their needs and you're it. After all we can't be having our girls come up pregnant can we.
Some things never change but I am glad you have MS the people here are great. By the way it took more courage than I have to write that letter. Thanks for sharing!
 
Capt. sadden to hear what you went through. I was not bullied like you must have been but yet I also was terrified in school from middle through high school. I tried to be invisible. I avoided PE since the middle school, I was urinated on in the shower by an older kid in front of others. To this dayoutside here and my T I never revealed it to anyone then or now. I still carry shame.

School should not be this bad memory like you have, it should have been safe. I know my experience was not as sever as apparently yours was but I admire you putting it in a letter format to the principals. I worry even today not near enough school admin or coaches realize the lifelong impact those years have on kids. We are not weak we were kids.

Thank you for sharing.
 
Dear Mr smc 1972

I am saddened that you had to endure so much in school, it's just not fair. I would hate to be raising kids into today's world. I am truly thankful that you shared with us. By sharing you took a lot of power back from your abuser. Schools need to do much better than they are. I feel for you, both as the boy and now the adult.

I could tell you many things about urine because it was used a lot in the old days. Mom used it for many things. She would wash off cuts scrapes, scratches with pee. Also pee was used for the hives, sunburn, bug bites. We had to gargle pee for sore throats, tooth aches or if we bite the inside of our mouth. Pee was poured into our ears if we had an ear ache and it worked. When I had a stomach ache I had to drink it. Mom also used pee as a enema solution by letting them insert their self into me.

To me pee is just warm salty liquid that would take some of the hurt away. I am sorry that for you it was used to hurt and demean you. Kids can be so cruel to others and never think about it as an adult. Yet we are left with their actions that hurt us in more ways than we know. .
 
I went to the grave today and to,d him everything that I wanted to tell him. I told him how not helping me made me feel like I wasn’t worth it and now I don’t know if I’m worth anyone to be with me. Back then I didn’t even apply to that many colleges because I didn’t think I would ever be good enough to be accepted. I mean if I wasn’t even good enough for the principal to help me with my severe bullying problem then what would make me good enough for a college to accept me? I even told him how sometimes I wonder if I started to try and end it all that day in class if anyone would notice me hurting myself and I would get the help I needed sooner and not feel ashamed to tell them about the sexual assaults without feeling judged and have a better life where I’m not struggling to survive with two part time jobs? I’ll never know the reason why he chose not to help me. I told him that I believed if it was my sister, he’d act quickly and make sure it would never happen again. I wasn’t good enough for that.
 
I am saddened that you had to endure so much in school, it's just not fair. I would hate to be raising kids into today's world. I am truly thankful that you shared with us. By sharing you took a lot of power back from your abuser. Schools need to do much better than they are. I feel for you, both as the boy and now the adult.
Thank you I wish I could say that event is no big deal it was 36 years ago yet I still let it eat at me when I think about it.

I went to the grave today and to,d him everything that I wanted to tell him. I told him how not helping me made me feel like I wasn’t worth it and now I don’t know if I’m worth anyone to be with me
Good for you to vent and let him know no matter if he has passed I think he heard you. It is easy for us to view ourselves as worthless I know I do the same and have for so freaking long. I know for me even have people tell me I am worthy such as here it’s still not easy for me. I know logically I am just as your are but emotionally it’s harder. You are worthy you did nothing wrong.
Back then I didn’t even apply to that many colleges because I didn’t think I would ever be good enough to be accepted.
It is amazing to me how things from our childhood really impacted our lives. I to never finished college as I felt I was not good enough I convinced myself I was a failure and I did fail. I hate today when adults don’t think there actions can have lasting lifelong impacts on kids. My regret is that I have let that feeling last even to today. I am not sure your age or if you ever did finish college. I will say don’t do like me and make excuses like I will be to old by the time I finish. I am 48 now and had that thoughts since I was 30. I think now if I would have had faith in myself I would have been done so many years ago. Thank you for sharing things.
 
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