Angry at the people who did this- anyone relate?

Angry at the people who did this- anyone relate?
I

Iwanttohelphim

Registrant
I am really very angry and sad and frustrated at the fact of abuse and the people who did this to my soon to be X- the abuse, because he is not dealing with facing it- and I am NOT pushing him- I would rather let him go than be pushed- they took the man I love from me. They took the love of my life and now I have to live with that. I have to live everyday in pain and sadness because my F is too damaged to function...he is a good man and a beautiful heart...but he is now abusive...I am atr my wits end and wanting to smash those people for taking away the joy from his heart......

anyone relate How do you handle? How do you keep the relationship together?
 
That's the sad fact of life for some survivors, and the people around them.

The abuse he's showing you isn't right, and however much you love him you don't deserve abuse from anyone.

Hopefully leaving him will make him realise that HE needs to do something about his behaviours, maybe it will shock him into action? Who knows?

You're right "they took the man I love from me."
Abuse does just that, but this man - "he is a good man and a beautiful heart." - is still there somewhere, locked away by his past.

But he has to see that, and then do something about it, before that side of him returns.

Take care
Dave
 
I've been feeling what I describe as a "white-hot" flame of anger in my being for the last two months since I learned more about the abuse in my s/o's past. The anger is directed at anyone who would harm a child in this way, any child, not just him. I have been "grieving" since he told me--denial, anger, acceptance....I had to grieve the loss of hope for a wonderful relationship and come to the place where I can let go if he will not help himself. I still have hope--hope that we are at the beginning of a difficult road that we travel together. But right now I am staring down a path with two forks--one we travel together or one I travel without someone with whom I had hoped to share a lifetime partnership.
 
I completely understand the anger. Its heat burns my heart and then turns it cold as ice. My b/fs abusers are both dead. One several years ago and the other about a month ago; they are his parents. I wont seek them out, but I would spit on their graves and worse if I came across them. To feel like that is ugly so I dont tell anyone for fear they will think that I am ugly. I am usually able to put the anger in a box and not think about it, but if something comes up that makes me think about it, my usually even disposition disappears and the anger is there, just waiting to make me explode. I never met these monsters in human form, but they have given me the ability to hate and for that too they should rot in hell.

Clemente, I am also standing at that fork in the road. I know which way I want to go, but it remains to be seen if we will go together or not. Right now, hes trying, so Ill stand there and wait for a while.

ROCK ON..........Trish
 
"but they have given me the ability to hate and for that too they should rot in hell."


That is what is so dangerous- before I realized what all was reallt going on with my guy, his abusing ME was THE issue- and yes, it was the acute problem, and at the very end I was so ANGRY that he brought "hate and rage and volence into my life"

I had not asked for that and I was furious that he did not protect me by keping it out of my life and I was furious that he was the one who brought it in. It felt so awful to be capable of that kind of out of control and very angry feeling.

My heart is breaking and I feel like I am grieving a death- not a relationship death, but the death of a person. He IS dying inside and I miss him and I love him and I want him to come home and be OK.

Then I started thinking about WHY he was
 
oops-

I started thinking about WHy is he doing this, why does he think this way, WHAT is going on with him? and then I started to learn more and join support groups and get to counselling FOR ME and as I put my own life back together, so much became clear, things I "intellectually" knew, and even said to him, became much more clear and I grieve for his heart and his hurting soul. It almost makes it worse to really understand him...and I can't do diddly....

I really want to make those people suffer for what they did to him and to me. I HATE THEM.
 
Iwanttohelphim,

Your screen name sums up the frustration and rage I think. That's one of the great tragedies of abuse: there are so many people who would be ready and willing to help the survivor if only he would call on them. But for that to work he has to WANT help and be willing to accept it. Sometimes he needs to be near meltdown before that harsh truth looms so large that he just can't ignore it anymore.

What's urgent in this case is that you are suffering abuse from him. And the harsh truth here is that no one's life and future should be sacrificed to that, no matter how wonderful other aspects of the relationship may be.

Much love,
Larry
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top