Anger

Anger
J

Jaysen

Registrant
Well you made me think about this Larry, I don't know where it went or why it went, but it's definitely gone. Not all of it but most of it. Now when I do feel angry I can handle it, deal with it and put it away. Maybe it was the alcohol/drugs, not sure. Like I said it's not all gone, I do still feel angry toward the abusers in my life and I have a right to that, but the anger doesn't control me anymore.
J
 
Jay,

That's absolutely it! How could you look back at what happened to you and NOT feel anger? Recovery doesn't mean we forget what was done to us or trick ourselves into thinking it doesn't matter anymore; healing is about learning ways to keep those memories from hurting us and hijacking our lives.

The problem arises when the anger controls us, sucks up emotional resources we needs for other things, and compromsies our ability to function. If you are past that bro, that's great news!

In the past your anger may have taken on a life of its own because you were into drugs and alcohol as well. I know I used to sit around screaming drunk and off my head on grass, acid and whatever else was around, and feel so freaking angry with myself that this had happened ... again! Giving up that stuff, Jay, has taken you away from a whole world of grief.

Much love,
Larry
 
I tell you what, I'd love an ice cold beer right now, or even a piss warm one for that matter! But it's not worth a world of grief.

Funny thing is the anger was replaced with a shit load of sadness for a while, not sure why. A guy at group told me it was like a grieving process kind of thing I was going through... Doesn't make sense to me because what could I possibly be grieving?
 
Jaysen,

You are grieving for the joy and happiness you lost as a boy and for the years you lost as a young man acting out in drugs, drinking, and opportunistic sex. You are grieving because you are beginning to see it should have been better. You were important. You were special. You were worth loving. Why the fuck did that not count?

But it counts now. Always remember that. YOU MADE it count by taking control of your life back. The grief is a stage and it will pass. What lies beyond it is VERY cool indeed.

Much love,
Larry
 
Yeah it should have been better.
But as far as me being special? worth loving? well I'm not there yet, not convinced yet.
But I'll get there eventually.
 
Jay,

Yes, you will indeed get there. In the interim think of this one: Have you ever seen, or could you ever imagine such a thing as a child who isn't worth loving?

Much love,
Larry
 
Yeah actually I have, like when I get dragged to the mall or some store and there's some screaming sneezing bratty little son of a...

Just kidding ;)
I hear what you're saying Larry
 
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