Anger

Anger
A

arghilles

Registrant
Hi!
My name is Erik. I have a problem that I need to vent.
For as long as I can possibly remember I have not shown anger. Lately, this past week I feel it coming. Irritation and feelings that I don't give a d...n about anyone or anything anymore.
Yesterday I broke one of our chairs and last week the remote control.
The real problem is that my wife and my daughter three and a half cannot handle this.
When I feel anger towards my daughter I also feel guilt cause I believe that anger from me will destroy her and make her feel like I did when I grew up because of what how my father behaved.
My wife disrespects my anger and that makes me even more frustrated. I don't have the right to be angry? She just walks off. I have listened to her frustration year after year and now I have shown frustration for two, three days and she won't respect it. Is that ok??
My daughter gets really humble and asks me if I will do this or that. I told her that dad isn't a nice person and dad better be home and she and mom can leave without me.
Bad way of saying things. I love her with all my heart, but what to do with my anger? I must get it out somehow. I can't go boxing, because it won't show up on command.

I need some good advice,

Erik
 
Hi Erik... I've struggled with anger off and on myself. Mostly keeping it in, and letting it blow up at the smallest thing, and taking it out on other people, punching walls, etc.

I started therapy actually because of it (I was extremely controlling of an ex-girlfriend and started to become physically violent) and that changed my behavior. Not overnight, but I really worked on it with my therapist. Had to go back and feel how it felt to be angry and have no control back when I was 3 and 4 years old. Very difficult, but it definately worked.

Being angry is a hard thing because people dismiss it or don't understand it or just want you to stop. This makes you work to keep it inside until you can't any longer.

I am definately still struggling with anger, but I am no longer taking it out on other people for the most part. I get moody and stuff, and have to distance myself sometimes from my g/f or friends, but it's better than screaming at or hitting her. I am still searching for a way to blow off steam that works. Haven't found it yet.

-Sean
 
Hello Erik,

Anger does need to be vented out. In a controlled manner. I'm still working on that one.

We sure do have a reason for having anger. I have a lot of it bottled inside of me and have trouble letting it out. We do not have the right, however, to let it out on others. Such as our family and friends. I can understand your wife's disrespect for anger directed at her and your daughter, and I can understand your remorse when you do.

We need to learn multiple releases for our anger. Boxing and hitting a punching bag does release some anger, and I would say pretty effectively. But what do you hit when there isn't a punching bag handy? Other methods of release are also needed. So that at least one is available at all times.

Deep slow breathing can help regain your composure when you begin to feel the anger mount. But, it still needs to be released. I hope you can find the releases you need.

Take care,
Bill
 
I was a tempermental kid that grew into a pretty calm adult. I stayed even to avoid getting in touch with my pain. I am now 36 and got married for this first time about 3 years ago (I have two beautiful step kids). Being married got me in touch with my anger. When I fight with me wife, I yell and break things. I feel ten feet tall and bullet proof. I know I am pretty pissed of at something. I do love my wife and she is my soul mate. She has given me strength and purpose to heal. I do know that the anger and rage I feel was not put there by her. I am working on healing and our marriage gets better and better although it is still hard.

Any advice anyone would have on how to begin to work through the anger I feel would be appreciated.
 
I'd like to add that you do have the right to be angery. It is better to be angry, than to hold it in. It is okay to be angry/mad at home. That is your castle, your island of safety.

Just do take it out at the innocent people around you. Yes they will see it. They should be understanding that you are angry, but feel safe that it isn't going to be projected onto them.

Take care and good luck finding the releases,
Bill
 
Hey:
Anger is a hard one to deal with. Getting counselling for you and your family might be a good idea.

Also let your family know why you are upset and tell them it is not them(unless it is)and explain what is going on in your life. We can't get help if we don't ask for it.I have a big problem asking for help but I know I need to.

Take care
Gus
 
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