Anger...

Anger...
M

MM

Registrant
I need some help with something that happened to me.

Some things happened here on MS that made me really upset and really angry. I usually feel angry only at my parents but this time I was feeling mad at everybody and especially at me for being so inadequate. Then, after a discussion with my gf I got really angry and yelled at her, really bad.

I never thought I could do such a thing she was shocked and let me know right away she wouldnt tolerate that kind of behaviour at all. I felt so bad, like I was doing the same my father did to me. Why did I do that? I read some of the posts about anger and most of them talk about being angry at themselves, punishing themselves and trying to hurt themselves. How can I hurt somebody I love? With no reason at all?

I think I need some medication to help me with that, Im gonna talk to my T about it next week. Does anybody relate to that? Is there something I should do and Im not doing?
 
Mark,

I have been there!

If I may suggest:

First, tell your GF you are sorry, if you have not done already. I think it will help you and her deal with the aftermath of feelings.

Second, take it easy on yourself. You cannot change that it happen but you can deal with the results and recover to minimize the damage. You did well by posting here so now it is out.

Third, think about what you can do to learn how to deal with anger better. Talking to your T is defintely good. One of the posts mentioned Anger Management training (sorry not to remember where I saw it). It might help shed light on some things.

You have done lots of progress since you arrived here! Hang in there!

Sorry this is a bit of a shotgun reply but I have to get going to work.

Peace,
Freedom.
 
while you are healing, your emotions are bare and peaked. you are dealing with a whole new world, and it isn't unusual for every emotion to be heightened. you are brimming with all sorts of things now, from fear to depression and yes even anger. keep talking, and remember to give yourself some slack. this is a hard time you are in, adn it gets better as you slowly heal.
 
Mark:

never thought I could do such a thing she was shocked and let me know right away she wouldnt tolerate that kind of behaviour at all. I felt so bad, like I was doing the same my father did to me. Why did I do that? I read some of the posts about anger and most of them talk about being angry at themselves, punishing themselves and trying to hurt themselves. How can I hurt somebody I love? With no reason at all?

I think I need some medication to help me with that, Im gonna talk to my T about it next week. Does anybody relate to that? Is there something I should do and Im not doing?
Click to expand...
Mark it is not so unusual to strike out at the people we love the most. For myself it was a self perpetuating myth. I was a useless piece of garbage and if anything great came into my life I felt I did not deserve it so I tried to push it away. And when I did it confirmed that I really was garbage. And I always felt so terrible whwen I had a row with my wife or daughter. To this day if they are upset or ill I am so afraid it is my fault to the point where I annoy them with my apologies. This also creates another problem. If I keep telling them I am worthless they begin to realize that we do not value their opinions. That can be harmful too. Really a vicious cirle that is like a merry go round. So Mark you are not alone.

It is also ok to get angry at others here. We look around and see some doing better than us(or appearing to do so) and that pisses us off. Makes us feel inferior and like garbage again. That is natural believe me because it is reinforcing what you were told so long ago and how you feel.

Mark what you really have to do, in my humble opinion, is to start to relax a bit more and heed the words of the serenity prayer.

God Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdow to know the difference.

Additionally, any man can fight the battles of today. It is when he adds those two awful eternities, yesterday and tomorrow, that he cannot cope. There is absolutely no reason to worry or fret about the mistakes etc about yesterday. It is gone forever and it cannot be changed. And why worry about tomorrow because it is as yet unborn. The sun will rise bright or behind a mask of clouds and it will be a new today. And you can fight the battles of today. So dont worry about it. These two eternities have a terrible affect on us.

Now there are certain steps I would recommend.

1. On your bathroom mirror write a note that says Eve thinks I am terrifice and she is the person I love and trust the most. So,. she must be right.
I KNOW NOW I AM NOT WORTHLESS AND I DO HAVE VALUE

2. Keep this note in your wallet. "What happened to me was the worst thing in my life. I was totally helpless and trained to bear it. When I could I escaped and survived. It takes courage to escape and survive. And I did that. THEREFORE I AM COURAGEOUS AND BY ASSOCIATION I AM STRONG. Every time that you feel otherwise take it out and ready it

3. Another note for the bathroom mirror.
"Damit I deserve some good things in my life and I have it. I am healing and I have Eve. And there will be many more good things coming my way. Friendships, cameraderie and a sense of belonging. And I am going to embrace those as they happen.
 
Mark what you really have to do, in my humble opinion, is to start to relax a bit more and heed the words of the serenity prayer.

God Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdow to know the difference
Click to expand...
Mike, I'm afraid I didn't understand what you said... are you talking about religion? Like having faith and believing in God?
 
Nope:

Mark: How about

"May I have the serenity to accept the things I cannot change the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference"
 
Mark
I'd try to do without the med's if you possibly can, they mask the problem - instead of dealing with it.

And dealing with anger is hard for us, we need to release our anger - we have every right to be f*****g angry. But our anger needs a direction.

I find anger hard to release, I bottle everything up, and that's not the best thing to do.
But recently I have released anger at my perps, by writing, and talking in our group sessions.
I might not seem that angry at the group, but for me it's angry !

But I do remember earlier in my recovery that I felt very frustrated, I wanted to be better right then - that very day. And I did get edgy and abrupt with people for very little reason.
I was feeling angry and releasing some of it - but in the wrong directions.

I've talked with you before about 'acceptance' - and it covers a wide range of things, and we need to accept that we do make mistakes sometimes.
Accept the mistake, explain it to your girlfriend, talk it through with her. She's on YOUR side, she WANTS to understand you, she LOVES you.

Have no secrets, discuss it all.

That's far better than pills.

Dave
 
Mark

I really mean this in a good way so if I say it wrong my apologies.

First getting angry is pretty normal, especially considering your history and the work you are doing ot recover. So don't beat yourselp up about that.

Second, lashing out at someone you love, while it happens, it is not a good thing. you do need to tell your therapist and start working on this. I don't know about the meds, I am on an anti depressent and have been for a while, it works great for me and I have no desire to ever quit taking it, but everyone is different and has different opinions about meds. If you really want a thorough going over on meds have your T refer you to a good Psychiatrist for a consult.

Now the part I am worried about saying well.

you should talk to your girlfriend. You should apologize, tell her you are sorry and most of all thank her profusely for telling you you were out of control and that she wasn't going to be talked to in that fashion. That took some guts on her part to tell you that rather than just take it, or just leave. You should admire her for doing that, and acknowledge to her how great it was that she stood up for herself and to you. That is a very good thing.

It sounds even more like you have a wonderful woman in your life.

All my best.
BT
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top