Anger just won't go away

Anger just won't go away
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Dan88

Registrant
I once again tracked down the perp who abused me. I haven't seen him in almost 20 years. And the last time I did, I threatened him to not come around me of my family again. And he hasn't. But over the last couple weeks I decided to find out where he is, and I did. I really didn't know why, but I've just been picking over this crap for some reason lately. My old therapist, as usual, got to the heart of it when I asked for his advice.

"Did you maybe want to add him to your Christmas card list?" he asked. LOL

Fact is, I'm still angry. I mostly hoped to learn that he's dead. And I have to admit, a small part of me also hoped that he was in some sort of situation where he's close to children. Because then I would have felt justified in going to his bosses and/or the police. But he's not. He's been where he is now for seven years, and I'm guessing he got bounced into his current job because his behaviour caught up with him and he could not get a decent job either ministering or teaching.

I really struggle with accepting that I'm entitled to my own anger. I would have gladly outed him if he were ministering or teaching because I could justify it as protecting someone else. But what do I do now? There's really nothing I want to confront him about. I said what I had to say years ago. But I really wanted to find out that he had died -- preferably some painful death. I had hoped that I was beyond the point of being angry, but I guess I'm not.

I do at least feel like I'm back on the right path in recovery. But I'd love to hear it if you guys have figured a way to get over the anger because I'm surprised it's bubbled up again. Does it every die?
 
Dan,

I don't think it ever will die out completely. I understand where you are at, and for me, it's the apology that I will never get from him. That's what keeps me so angry. I want all those things you described to happen as well. But like yours, he hasn't done anything, at least to my knowledge, that would get him in jail. But he is also very good at his craft. Old habits die hard as they say.

Wanting him to suffer, or see prison, is just a catalyst I want, so he will finally "come to his senses" and apology to me for all the damage he did. I just won't see it this side of heaven.

Paddling upstream with ya,
estuardo
 
Dan. Last week I talked about this with my Pdoc. I have a lot of anger; at my perps and my male relatives for the beatings I endured from them. Trouble is the relatives are all dead and I have no idea where the perps might be or even if they are alive.

He suggested that I return to the Military College where the sa took place and just walk through it and get rid of my anger that way. It has been closed for about 10 years. I am going to try and do that. But I will be really pissed if it has been torn down.
 
A couple days ago I was having a great day at work, but Monday night one of my isses starting rearing its ugly head and it was a mixture of anger and sadness. Just when you think these things settle down, they come back.

I've found sometimes the anger is secondary to other things. Other times it's the real McCoy. The only thing I've found that helps is sharing it with people who will listen. Too bad I can't just put it in the microwave and hit defrost.
 
Dan,

I remember the anger getting so much to me, that I had to deal with it, it was either let the anger go, or let it destroy me. I remember getting to a state, where I would just get home from work and be absolutely shaking, I would just lay there and do breathing exercises, and really just let my body go limp.

I realised that the anger is really part of us, it is hard to get over, but in time it gets better.
It is self destructive, because we aim all the anger at ourselves.

Think about it? Why beat yourself for something you never did? Doesn't make sense, but we do.

That's why you need to always tell yourself.
It's not your fault!

Look after yourself,

ste
 
Dan
this is spooky, what you've just posted is what I've been writing in my journal earlier tonight.

I have never really released my anger, and I'm thinking that it's building up inside me. I'm not an 'angry' person at all, but I feel that I have good reason to be angry, so I probably am - in some form or another.
But what do I do with it? where does it get released?

Thankfully I don't take it out on other ( innocent ) people, so it must be still inside my head.
If it is, then I guess it's also doing no good there, so it's got to go.

The therapist who runs our group picked up on this on Monday, although I was thinking about this anyway. I think next weeks group could be interesting.

Dave
 
Thanks guys. Good to know I'm not alone on this. Now I just got to figure out how to address it, as the usual exercises seem to just settle me down but don't really resolve the issue I'm angry about.
 
Hey, guys, good thread. I don't know if I've ever really delt with my anger...except in therapy, or by doing therapy.
I've had a couple of upsetting months and displayed some real anger...and I guess I took it out on the one I love the most. It has gotten better over the months since I've been in therapy, but every so once in a while something comes bubbling up. And since I'm not running anymore...walking about 3 miles per day, but no longer running, I've had more frequent outbursts; I suppose like a steam boiler venting itself. Most of my family expressd themselves that way...made for a tumultuous childhood, and, taught me some bad habits.
Like, Lloydy, I'll bring it up in group next week.
I feel less angry already,
I guess it helps to talk about it.

David
 
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