An Open Letter to 'that' Boy...

Here goes cause I just had to do this for my assignmet for my T.

Little G
Hello little guy its me and I am you you are me.
I have faith in you and you have faith in me. Know that I love you more than anything in the whole wide world. It hurt us what crazy Rea did to us. But she is old and slow and she cannot hurt us anymore. We will not be taken away when we tell everyone. There are a lot of people who love us and like us. We are not ugly and disgusting. The only thing that is ugly and disgusting is HER always HER. I hope that she remembers what happened for the rest of her natural life. And when her kids ask why I want nothing to do with them I hope she has a good time explaining that one. She wwill never know where we live ever agin so she cannot hurt us ever again. I would kill before I ever let that happen to you again. My dearest little Glen.
 
Dear Friend, we have been thru a lot together, lately I have realised that I had abandoned you when you needed me most. and I still do the same, when ever you are feeling vulnerabel I shutdown.

I was scared to reach out to you when you needed me most. I was too busy running away from my pain, that forgot it was yours too. Instead I supress you deep with food and acting out.

I promise I will not give up any more. and we shall fight it together.

We wont let fear take over our lives any more. Neither let any man or woman push us around. We will stand up for what we are, just the way we are. We will not look at others for acceptance or approval. We are complete and whole by ourselves.

Please forgive me if you can, we need to now heal together, and we need to learn to love and live together.

I admire you for your courage as a soul and your journey as a human being.

peace,love and gratitude to you
 
There was the little kid, and there was the protector. I spent so much time "protecting" you that you didn't get a chance to live, to love, to play. I keep reminding myself that the protecting was a survival instinct then, but that we don't need that now. Now I'm going to do my best to give you the family you never had, the friends I kept away, and lots and lots of love.

I will never make you go places you don't want to, and I know you feel like your family is still back there, but I want to show you that there are people who really care about you, who don't judge you, and who want only the best for you.

Most of all, you were a good kid. It wasn't your fault. Those horrible relatives were the evil ones. You couldn't control what those big people thought or felt. You were innocent, shaped by their horrors and tortures. Now we're going to let go. Let them be, grow old, and die as the evil men they were. You and I are going to live life, and it's going to be a good one.
 
Minni me, como estas? How are you today? I hope you are feeling like the bright, charming, adventerous, beautiful little boy with the cute golden locks you once were, what happened to us was satanic and was never your fault, you were overlooked and were the focus of no one but God who had to wittness what happened to us and who experienced a pain comparable to the greatest pain ever experienced by anyone ever when he saw his only begotten son tourtured on the stake, and at that momment that we were abused he in his perfect justice, wisdom, power, and love put together a plan to heal us and make us even better if we continue to look to him and walk in his ways, because he is "very tender in affection and is merciful". Well now _____ you are the focus of someone else as well and that someone is me, although imperfect and limited I will do my very best to insure you are safe and truly loved and nurtured, I promise I won't do anything else to scare you, you are safe now because I am the only thing in the universe that has the power to seperate you from God's love and his healing plan and I won't do it, I promise you that. You are safe to tell me everything else that happened when you are ready, you are safe to heal from this, you don't have to pretend to be an "adult" that's responsible for everyone around you anymore you can go back to being that bright, charming, loving, adventurous, beautiful little boy with the cute golden locks you are, and enjoy your life as a blessed boy as you grow into the loving, compassionate, wise, intelligent, powerfull, handsome, God serving man you will naturally become. That's where we are going ______, it may take us 1000 years to get there perfectly and completely, but what's the rush, we got the time.

I love you and my love for you will overflow and envelope everyone around us too.
__________
 
I am not prepared to do this yet. I still have difficulty to accept that there is a 'little' me, even though I know it, with the DID. But as I am responding to things here, I did not wish this to get lost off the page, so I am 'bumping' it up.

Congratulations, to those of you with the courage to do this.

Leosha
 
Good John,
I know you are in there. You have been watching everything as through a periscope. I was strong, tough, hard when you were small, weak, lost. No one else could help. No one else would help. Now you are loved. There are people who will go out of there way for you. People who you have only met a few times. There are good people out there. You are not alone anymore. You can go to them. They understand pain, loss. They will help you anyway they can. You saw that last night and it made you cry. I realized people do care. They are not all hard soldiers like I have been. You can come out, you have for little instances in the past. Now I know why I cried at small scenes in movies and no one else did. You still cry when the old man in Saving Private Ryan turns to his wife and asks if he was a good man. You r doing it right now. Stop hiding. Let them touch your heart. Open up to them. Step into the light. I have held you in the dark for so long. My heart is dark, full of hate, jealousy, guilt, shame. That is not yours. You have been hiding in the back drop for so long. There is no more fear. He can never touch you again. There are people who need you. They need your love. Your understanding. They have gotten mine and it was bitter. Be a good person. You are a good person. You care. Your heart goes out to people in need. Help them. Dont let me hold you back any longer. IT IS NOT WEAK TO SHOW THAT YOU CARE! We've got to trade places. I will still be here. I will wait until you need me. Take the wheel. I'll ride in back. When you need me at work, dont be scared. I got your back. We've always tried to do the right thing for others, now lets do it for us.
John
 
I feel like I have things fairly together. BUT, even the contemplation of writing a letter to the child I was, or the child in me, nearly makes me come completely unravelled. I'm not sure I could hold it together. And I hate to admit weakness.
Peace, Andrew
 
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