an old post of mine

[michael Joseph]

sorry for any confusion!!!

I was talking about redoing the abuse, not with kids but with older men, looking for a father figure to love me. Not looking for anything sexual. Hoping things would be different now.

I am really sorry if my post was misunderstood. I went back to the post and edited it. I hope it is clearer. I would never hurt anyone, or want to hurt someone.

thanks

[ May 22, 2002: Message edited by: michael Joseph ]

[ May 22, 2002: Message edited by: michael Joseph ]

 

Your post was'nt the worst. This was posted at NOMSV recently: "It is'nt easy because whorey little boys want sex all the time and this wears me out doing and thinking about it all the time".

 

Another post at NOMSV.
"My uncle was like a marvelous greek young man, for me and I had been abused once by a babysitter, whom had used a eyedropper up me. So when I wanted to play show and tell with another boy, I was born to, I wanted to do this with him. I had been shown what happens when, I play with myself and enjoying it, or with his, Is as natural as peeing or number two"

 

Oh yeah like I'm sure this guy is 13 years old and posting his true story at NOMSV.

"There is no place for me to talk about this stuff mean I am 13 and well either have to be 18 or a girl and it really makes me mad. Oh there are places for kids like me to chat but the people their egnore me cuz they have to chat with the girls first they get more upset so they tell me. How do they know how I feel they aren't me. Oh and being gay they said it's cuz I was raped or I got raped because I was gay grrrrrrrr stupid people why doesn't anyone understand me"

 

Yet another post at NOMSV. Hey,grow a fuckin brain,people. Extensive information relating to this is available at NOMSV or as close as the Yellow Pages. This "I can't help myself" shit does'nt cut the mustard anymore.
"You know how sometimes for reasons that I don't understand, the victim abused in their childhood become just like their molesters? They end up doing the same thing that was done to them? Well that's why I have an intense feeling of shame and self-hatred. I have that attraction now. What the fuck! I wasn't even that badly abused if you even want to call it that! And now I have to be like this?!"

 

Another revealing post at NOMSV. If whining was an Olympic event this guy would win the gold medal.

"I really should be appalled by the following thoughts and behaviors: I read someone's account of their abuse with interest because of what happened to them. The more details the better. I hate myself for that. I have sought out inappropriate, illegal, and legal pictures of young boys and girls on the Internet. I hate myself for that too. I don't get outraged, incensed, mad as heck, or anything. I think I should! Why am I not? This is all wrong. These people that put this stuff out there are perverts. So I feel very hypocritical when I seek out this stuff because I know it is wrong but I have the temptation to look at it. So that makes ME like THEM in my mind. I will go for months, even as long a year with out being bothered. And then it starts. It's young boys mostly. Around the age I was abused. No surprise there, huh? There can be an attraction just to the fact that they can be cute or there can be sexual thoughts associated with it. I would like to rip that part of my brain out that contains that behavior. I think a lot about the fact that I wish this part of me didn't exist. What is worse is the fact that the Internet is so accessible. So I fight it for so long and then one day I will just give in. I really do hate that. Again, I am at work, I should be working. But I want to express this stuff. Am I latently gay? There are times when I think I have an attraction to men but I don't want to be. I've wondered. I have been married for 24 years this month…happily. I love my wife. She's beautiful. I love my kids. They are older now. Well adjusted. They surpass me in maturity. We have had our share of troubles but nothing that couldn't be worked out. This week, again, I wondered why I have no political convictions, no knowledge of the stock market and no interest in having any, or a strong stance for or against almost nothing. But how is a 12 year old when I think about it? I am like the way I was back then! When you're 12, you don't have to be encumbered with all the crap of the world. Just be a little boy and have fun because it is fleeting. None of this should be of any interest to you then. You're a KID!!!!! Well, I do believe abortion is murder and I do believe in God and Jesus. But most of the time I am still clueless while the world goes on. Sorry again for the repeat. I know I have said some of these things before. I see others write that they just want it to go away. With that I can relate. Some of you want, what seems to me, much worse things to go away. By that, I mean, your abuse was very traumatic. Mine didn't seem like it at the time. But, still there are long-range effects. All my life since about 15 or so on, I have had these feelings about young boys. Part of me enjoys it and the other part of me hates the part of me that enjoys it. Two separate people. What a load of crap! Someone tell me to shut up if I have come on here with the same old tired stuff , repeating, repeating, repeating. But that is what goes on in my head. Meds don't stop it. Doctors don't stop it. I can control it but I hate the fact that it is there in the first place to have to control!!! I was told it would never go away completely (in this life, anyway). I just have to be in control. I wish I could have had a choice. Wishful thinking……of a kid. Since I am Mr. Passive and Mr. Guilt trip, again I apologize for the repeat. I really hate being this way and some may say I just need to quit being this way. So far I have not had the “whatever” to do that. Thanks for taking the time to read my thoughts"

 

Another post at NOMSV. This one's a winner for dime porno novel of the month. Swallow that cum,guy!

"My dad, well, really step dad (he had been around since I was two so he was the only dad I knew) was out of work again. Money was non existent in our house, but there always seemed to be enough for the cigarettes and beer. My dad was a severe alcoholic, but usually did his drinking at night. That is when he would come to me. Now, however, he was home all day and could just sit around the house and drink. As usual, he would tell me to go take a shower. I guess it was best for him if I was clean. I would go, without argument, to the shower and clean myself thoroughly. I found at an early age to do what he said or a beating would surely come. He had already taken a shower before he called for me. Then I would go to his room and he would be laying in bed completely nude. I was, of course, nude also. What I wanted was to get to it and make him cum as quickly as possible because I was completely disgusted by the whole thing. I remember wishing that he would not want to kiss and do all that foreplay crap before we got started. Of course, my wishes hardly ever came true and in this instance he wanted to get it all. I laid down next to him on my back and he would crawl on top of me and begin kissing me. It was horrible. I would rather have his dick in my mouth than his tongue if that gives you a clue to how disgusting it was. His mouth tasted like cigarette smoke and beer. It was sickening. Finally he would position me in the 69 position and we would begin sucking each other at the same time. I found different ways to get him off fast while putting his dick in my mouth as little as possible. He really seemed to enjoy sucking me. He would also swallow my cum (my younger experiences there was no cum of course), but when he came in my mouth I just could not swallow it so I would hold it in my mouth until he told me it was ok to go spit it out. I would go spit and then get dressed and leave. The actual orgasm felt good but nothing else did. I hated him each time it happened. I don't ever remember blaming myself for him doing this to me. I just felt at the time like I had no choice. When my older brother and I had sexual encounters, however, it was completely different, but that is another story."

 

Another blue ribbon winner post at NOMSV. Wuddaya think he's saying here? Keep in mind that professional help to stop this is and has been freely available for years. I'd like to get rich by robbing banks but I don't do it. We all have desires. But don't take fantasy to realization because doing so will destroy others. And ourselves.

"I think that ppl interprete my appearance as 'oversexed' and a threat for kids.
Can it also be the way i sometimes look at kids? So frivolous and spontanious as they can be. Not afraid to touch and without grown up sexual intentions. They are no threat as grown ups can be. They have parents taking care of them in a good way. Sometimes i feel jealous, longing for being a kid, getting a safe hug, not getting sexual abused, but really been taken care of"

 

Here it is in a nutshell. For you guys out there fantasizing or actualizing sex with boys is cool,take a cold shower. Get a friggin grip. Jack off to photos of boys half-nekked in your county newspaper's advertisements of summer clothing for kids. Or close your eyes and fantasize a loving relationship with a tennybobber. Tinfoil does'nt care a rat's fucking ass what turns you on as long as you don't follow thru on your perverted wants and attack a child. If you've done that,are doing that or wanna do that...give it another thought. That's not a request. It's a warning.

 

[michael Joseph]

never thought this post would bring such a responce tinfoil! But that is ok. you take care of your self, keep responding if you need to.

 

I expect to be banned from NOMSV soon. As I have been at other 'survivor' websites going back years.

 

[michael Joseph]

hey dont get banned, talk if you need to there is always private messages!

 

[Lloydy]

It's a fine line between relating our experiences and writing our own porn, something I've been very concious of.
But the biggest problem is that everyone's line is in a different friggin place !!

Don't get banned Tinfoil, we NEED angry stuff here
Lloydy

 

[Just Call me J]

The best advice I can give is to give spoiler space when you know you're writing something graphic. This issue has come up before here.

We all need to vent. But some people aren't in the same space, and will need a warning to get out before they find themselves somewhere they don't want to be.

Thanks for all your input, Tinfoil! You really are a welcome voice here (for those in a place to hear it).

We're in this together.

Jeremy

 

Well I'll be damned. I almost did'nt return. Thought for certain I'd be ripped to shreds. That's happened to me so many times at other survivor sites I lost count long ago. I first gained Internet access just after Windows95 appeared on the scene. Someone showed me how to websearch information. After he & his wife left the room the first word I websearched was "incest". I was taken aback,stunned. Since 1958 I had done searches in libraries,etc. Found little info. And here before me was "incest:found 8,087 entries". Holy mackeral! I spent hours reading thru the sites. Unfortunately,I did'nt know about "history,temp,temporary internet" etc or "delete" back then. Which explains why the hubby & wife quickly dumped me like a hot rock after they'd read where I'd been websurfing. "Omigawd Martha,we gotta PREVERT in our house!". Heh,heh.
I quickly found "survivor" websites. All were female victims at that time. Did'nt have to be a rocket scientist knowing "Judy" was actually Bob who posted "I'm thirteen and love sucking my father's cock" at these sites. Then male survivor sites came into being,became increasingly popular. Well wuddaya know. Same thing only moreso.
I think I know what's going on now. Ran into it while dealing with the judge Ronald Kline situation. If I'm correct,then the people posting pro-pedo/boylover stuff are the good guys. At least some of them.
By the way. Anyone notice anything strange about the photo of NOMSV's retreat? Out of focus photo,blurred,puke green lawn,overcast sky,black tree branches reaching out,stark buildings,no humans present though vehicals are parked there seemingly abandoned. Yeah,I'd visit the place. If I had the National Guard with me and a flight of F16s overhead. I'd want Mulder & Scully,too. Looks like a job for the Ghost Busters!