ambiguity

[24yearsandcounting]

I remember back in the day: I read my sisters diary to try to figure out why she was acting weird, only to learn my dad was abusing her. I remember as he thought he was being smart when he would thinly veil his abusive relationship behind falsities, and BULLogny. I don't know why people think they can cover stuff up and not actually reveal what evil they are doing. Sometimes you can read into stuff and there really is truth under those lies, sometimes, it's nothing. Most of the time I've learned it is something.
So tell me:
Unambiguously
Is this website against child abuse or not? Silly question to ask you might say, but I'm asking anyway.
I don't think it is for child abuse, but lately I've been lied to so much, I've gotten burned out to a point I think there is something under everything.
Basically, I was hoping to hear your stories, no lies, truth only, and hopefully happy beginnings. I an think of so many people who don't have complicated, drama stuffed lives, that are happy, ignorant, focused, stable, independant people. I imagine they are around some place enjoying some sitcom, hanging out with their family, and otherwise having a life. I saw such a person today, who matches all of those descriptions. Sometimes you just know. Man, I wanted to jump off the bus and hang out with her and her family on the porch of their house.

 

[dwf]

Hello 24,

Many of us guys here understand the confusion and
pain that comes with sexual abuse.

You asked:

So tell me:
Unambiguously
Is this website against child abuse or not?

Have no doubt about it. This site, the people who started and those involved in it today are against child abuse. Specifically we are doing all that we can to overcome the sexual abuse of men and boys.

Many give of their time and energy as volunteers behind the scenes. Even more come here and somehow find the courage to offer their stories in order to heal themselves and offer a hand to the next guy who comes along.

I first came here and read for a while without posting. I'll always remember the first time I wrote a few words here. It was the first time I had ever publicly identified myself as a victim of sexual abuse. It was powerful and real.

I hope that you will come to find the same sort of hope and strength that I have found here among this group of survivors.

As far as looking at others and imagining how happy they must be compared to the way you feel, I was given some very good advice once that I'll pass on to you.

I was told "Don't compare your insides to other people's outsides." There are lots of ways we find to hide our pain and sorrow. Not every smile is full of joy, not every 'normal' family is happy behind the scenes.

It has been really helpful to me to try and identify the feelings I have in common with other guys. Though our situations may be different in time and space, our emotional reactions are so very much the same. And in that similarity, there is comfort and hope.

And I hope that you will continue to come and read and post as you see fit. We are here for one reason only; to help men and boys overcome the terrible effects of sexual abuse.

Regards,

 

[24yearsandcounting]

I'll tell you why I asked. I posted something about a certain star now on trial for something and I had to wonder if my indictment of him was the real reason that thread was canned. Perhaps it was canned out of his defense. I talked to a moderator and I understand why it was canned, -I think.
Confusion can be sorted out with patience. Patience is something I've learned through no other way then having a lot of opportunities to use it.
As far as my posting about seeing someone else: I saw someone at the very same spot I was in life, but I was on the bus. I was having a fine day, the weather was perfect, there wasn't any bs going on, the bus rolls by, I see a whole family hanging out doing nothing but talk and shoot the stuff. Sure appearances can be deceiving, but I've hung out with people like this before, that is why I had the feeling that I know their life isn't cram-packed with crap. Something stupid happens, and someone or everyone would forfeit ego, surrender their attitude, and make stupid fun of the whole thing, then forget about it in the least dramatic way, -go on with life and not miss a beat. Apologies would probably be given, accepted, or declined because they were not deemed neccessary. Even if someone does have a attitude it isn't taken seriously. I've had some tense argments w/ my roomates w/ out using a single cuss word, these people would probably cuss like sailers and not take it seriously. If you had a transcript of our arguments, it would look like their debate is about to be settled by fisticuffs, and we are having a nice talk, when it is the other way around.
I haven't watch a sitcom in years, for various reasons, I don't read for fun, etc, etc. The particular 'place' these people were at was one of just enjoying life, no bull. I'm just saying I need to make more time for the simple uncomplicated things.
I wrote this the other day, thinking I can live my life without this. This doesn't have to touch, spoil, complicate every thing in my life. People in therapy, even some therapists I've met view the world through therapy goggles. It can help in many instances, but is uneccessary how I've heard it applied sometimes.

 

[24yearsandcounting]

I saw larry king again the other night. Talking about near death survivors. One had a good comment: "I'm not going to let this event, and the injury define my life". This doesn't have to taint absolutely every single thing in my life.
Some of these people, I mentioned earlier can go a whole day without being reminded of child abuse, a whole day, without having to talk about incest or anything else. A day is a understatement, it could be more like day(s), weeks, months and some cases years without one single solitary thought about this crap.
I think about that woman, sometimes and want to give up on life.
I 'm not comparing myself to anyone else, it is just that, I happen to know people like the ones I saw that day, and I even blend in sometimes (although I'm the most withdrawn of any of these people). I know I would be just like them were it not for these things. It is kinda like I two way mirror. I see them, what they are saying, how, why, what, etc, I'm on the same page but I'm not connected w/ them in anyway. The other side of two way mirrors are often dark, just like my life sometimes, people don't see that in me. Sometimes they do see that and it makes them not interested in being friends or something. I have church to go to, and if I didn't have that, I don't think I would have any friends at all. There is a saying, there is no such thing as what could have been. I don't know how I would have turned out if I didn't join this church when I was 16. Probably a lot worse. Going to church is a challenge, sometimes dragging myself to church more like it. I often times leave feeling many times better then when I arrived, on top of learning things, and sharing what I think and know. I feel somewhat connected to these people, but they are mostly white and race is a partial, to major factor w/ some people I meet. -Different survivor forum altogether- anyone know any good native american survivor forum?
I have learned many thing from church over the years, some direct, some indirectly you could only know if you went.