Amazing Powers of Mind/Body and "Forgetting"

Hi All:

Well, I got some good news and some bad news this morning. In either case, it's a huge discovery for me. So I thought I would share it with you and see if it makes sense. Okay?

First the bad news...I know now that I have to prepare myself for the fact that my brother might have done some really nasty things to me sexually. Until now, I didn't want to think the worst. I wanted to believe it was just fondling and "harmless" things like that. (As if fondling is ever really harmless, which it isn't.)

Anyhow, I had a flashback this morning that told me something really important. When my brother was abusing me, I would get these really bad headaches. In fact, I would "will" the headaches to happen.

Why would I want a headache? Well, if my headache was bad enough, that's all I could think about. And if that was all I could think about, then nothing else was happening. And I could pretend nothing else did happen.

So the headaches I got as a child (and I got plenty of headaches) were really a way of helping me block out the abuse. Of course, now I WANT TO REMEMBER so I can heal. But understanding how I "forgot" will now help me figure out how to remember. Does that make sense?

Also, I've been having a lot of really bad physical symptoms for the last year or so. Asthma. High Blood Pressure. Bowel Problems. Headaches. Strange Chills. Muscle Pains. And on and on.

But guess what? Today, I remembered that when I was a child, I had this amazing ability to "will" myself to get sick. Like I could be perfectly normal, and then within an hour, I could put my body into a state where I was shivering with fever and running a really high temperature. This happened a few times and scared the hell out of my parents. Then after a little bit, I would just be normal again.

It seems strange, huh? But really, it makes sense if you think about it. I couldn't tell them about the abuse. I was terrified of what my older brother would do if I told. So my only way of letting them know something was really wrong, was by "willing" myself to get sick.

But here's the really good part...once I get to the bottom of all the painful memories, I can use those same powers to make myself well again. It's like I (and maybe all of us) have this amazing power to either make our bodies physically ill or healthy. And maybe we can't control all the physical things that happen to us. But maybe we can control a lot more than we realized.

So who knows? Maybe some good will come out of this after all. And soon I can make myself well in both body and mind.

Does that make sense? What do you think of this?

Thanks in advance for posting a reply,

Jasper

 

Hiya Jasper,

This isnt about my SA cos that was later but when i was really little my birthdad used to get drunk & hit me & my brother Mike & beat us & throw us around really a lot. He ran off when I was 6 & until that I got like almost no memories of anything except what he was doing to us. Not even stuff about Christmas or birthdays or my little brothers getting born. So i guess when yr hurt really bad yr memory can get affected.

Kev

 

Thanks, Kev. I'm sorry to hear what happened to you and your brother when you were little. But I guess it's a good thing our minds sometimes forget things. I just want to try and remember all I can now, so that I can get better. So even though I hate the flashbacks, each one is showing me something I've forgotten about the SA. Does that make sense?

Take care,

Jasper

 

Yeah I saw you guys talkin about flashbacks & stuff like that. But when i get one I just get terrified & want it to stop. I dont learn anything cos im too scared still.

Kev

 

[reality2k4]

I think we need to learn something here, and I am not telling anyone of how it is done.

I have read so much on mind body effects of trauma, and it goes like this.

When a kid goes through trauma, the likes of sexual trauma then the mind cannot take it in.

The mind is a clever device, and even if we think that we are indeed going mad, it is not the case.

It is just that the mind will store the memories in the body, because the mind cannot function without doing this.

Instinctively, I tried to relax as a child, and I found my little corners in life, to just cry, and wonder why, these things happened.

It is so hard for a child to encompass all of his fears, but i found ways of just relaxing and enjoying nature.

The modern day World somehow stops us from doing this as adults, but I always have to find time to be in my own "space".

ste