Am I Weird For Wanting to Face Him Again?

[bcollin767801]

I have read quite a few postings on this site about men that cannot forgive and want to forget, etc., and how angry many still are at there abuser. So, why do I find it so important to see my abuser again? I recently found out that he doesn't live far from me, and I have enough information that I could see him if I was so inclined. But why? Should I? Why do I feel the urge? Maybe it's because I have always felt that deep down all men are good. Maybe it's because I see sexual abuse as a sickness and a psychological problem, and not something that someone chooses to do because they are evil. Or maybe it's because I want to see if I get an apology. And what if I don't? Will there be no closure? If he doesn't apologize, does that mean he really is an evil person? As hard as it may be for some of you to understand, I never hated the man that abused me. When I turned him in, it wasn't because I wanted to see him locked up or punished. It was because I wanted him to get help. To further complicate all of the questions, and what truly disappoints me about my need for him to get help, is that I found out his most recent conviction for abuse was in 2001. His conviction for my abuse was in 91. This tells me there are no telling how many boys he abused during those 10 years (at least 1 since he was convicted). To get it off of my chest (again), and hopefully gain more perspective from other abusers, I will tell the actual story of my abuse in a seperate posting, but I am very interested to see how many of you feel the same as me (about wanting to confront my abuser) and can answer some of my lingering questions. I would be even more interested to see if anyone replies that HAS confronted their abuser and what transpired.

Thanks for your time.

Robert

 

[roadrunner]

Robert,

I don't think you are weird at all if you want to confront the man who abused you. Some survivors find that important, others don't.

My personal comment would be that you should only do this if you have a clear idea of what you want from the encounter. Think about how it will help YOU in your recovery, weighing the possibilitites that would arise from a positive encounter against the perils that would arise from a disastrous meeting. Remember too that he is a repeat offender.

Have you seen Ken Singer's excellent article on this here on MS? You can read it at https://www.malesurvivor.org/Survivors/Adult%20Survivors/Articles/singer3.htm.

Much love,
Larry

 

[shadowkid]

collin,i have confronted my abuser twice since the abuse.once in court,and after his release from prison ,if you expect any kind of remorse you may be be disappointed .i have been told so many times when talking about forgivness that god gave the us all free will which is why we are not to blame for the abuse . god gave the abuser the choice to abuse or not ,its not a sickness ,it is a choice they make because they are evil ,there is no help for them ,there is no cure .you tried to get him help ,what did he do ? abuse again .i can tell you that confronting him as an adult was the most triggering thing i have done it served no good purpose for me .all the emotions from the abuse came pouring over me ,i was 11 again and waiting for the pain to come . he laughed at me and made some shitty comment about being the best he ever had . then he started sending me stuff ,abuse type stuff in the mail ,letters about the things he did .they are evil no question about it not sick ,or somone we should excuse because they have a problem ,they are missing some basic human part that the rest of us have .treat them like what they are animals . shadow

 

[RICK57]

Robert - I went through official channels to convict my abuser (the conviction/sentence was just 8 days ago now).

I have seen the pervert around town before, and since!

I haven't taken the law into my own hands, although there were several instances where he may have absorbed the message quicker if I had done! If I had taken the law into my own hands, I don't doubt that I would have been jailed....even though he only got a suspended sentence (typing that has just made me realise why I am so pissed off at the sentence).

If you do confront the perv/perp, I doubt very much that you will receive an apology. I not that long ago asked that question here - had anyone received an apology from a perp? There were only one or two people that had actually received an apology (when you log in, look at how many people are registered here).

I was abused in 1969 - he still tries to claim that did not happen! The second complainant was abused in 1977 - he still tries to claim that did not happen! The third complainant didn't get his case heard, because his statement came too late to join the first 2. I know complainant three from childhood, and know that he was abused within the time-frame of 1969-77.


Complainant number two has told me that he is now aware of at least another six survivors of this perp. I have suspicions of a similar number. And that is only from around 1965 to 1980. Kids were seen coming out of his house in 2004 (October) and it was apparent that the same 'modus operandi' was in place then!

If it's a disease, then it's sometimes a terminal one for the victims!

He did plead guilty to try and save some of his skin in January of this year (15 months after the charges were put to him), but subsequently tried to withdraw his plea!

He has never apologised....he has just tried to squirm his way out of it, then he crawled around the judge (and some of it worked).

I have appealed against the sentence with valid reasoning that the CPS consider to be valid!

These pervs twist young minds, and that is why you find it difficult to hate!

Myself - I now completely despise the child groomer and molester! There are many words that brothers here could add to those two...I know that some will include forgiveness! In my opinion, forgiveness is only deserved by ourselves, to ourselves!

If a pervert can receive a suspended sentence, then smugly walk around his local community, like he never did anything...............

I took a pervert to court, because that was the right thing for me to do! I do not regret doing that! I don't care one bit about the perv as HE HAS NEVER SHOWN ANY REMORSE! If I woke up in the morning, and someone told me that he had done away with himself, I would go out and buy the best bottle of champagne I could afford!

Best wishes ...Rik

 

[roadrunner]

Rik,

If I woke up in the morning, and someone told me that he had done away with himself, I would go out and buy the best bottle of champagne I could afford!

Outrageous! Ring me and we will go out and buy the best bottle of champagne we CAN'T afford!

Much love,
Larry