Am I the *real* me?
Having been through my experiences at a rather critical point, I have started to consider whether my "orientation" (a term that I wouldn't use if I could find a better one!) is actually my natural one. At the time, I was aware that "gay" was a thing, and never really fitted the "manly" role, which I think may have had some bearing on how I responded to my being groomed. After bringing the abuse to an end, I completely buried any feelings of attraction to men, although I did have a number of friends that would qualify as LGBT+. It wasn't that I didn't feel that way, it was more that I'd tried it, and it wasn't what I wanted (at least in my own mind). After (eventually) mentioning to my wife what I had gone through, I realised that my "relationship" hadn't been an affair, but that I had been groomed and abused, but still kept my feelings deeply buried.
While going through therapy, I started looking more into my self, and realised that I still have some "tendencies", but have never acted on them. I have lately been working through the various events of all those years ago, and oddly have found myself regretting a couple of times when I refused to do things (notably that I never gave oral). I'm not sure if I ever actually would now, as any sexual activity with anyone other than my wife would be a betrayal (much as our physical relationship is a thing of the past), but do wonder if I am really (latently) bisexual. Any thoughts?
On previewing, I noticed I seem to use quotes & parentheses a lot - this isn't intentional, just how I write!
While going through therapy, I started looking more into my self, and realised that I still have some "tendencies", but have never acted on them. I have lately been working through the various events of all those years ago, and oddly have found myself regretting a couple of times when I refused to do things (notably that I never gave oral). I'm not sure if I ever actually would now, as any sexual activity with anyone other than my wife would be a betrayal (much as our physical relationship is a thing of the past), but do wonder if I am really (latently) bisexual. Any thoughts?
On previewing, I noticed I seem to use quotes & parentheses a lot - this isn't intentional, just how I write!