Am I guilty?

Am I guilty?
R

rangerat

New Registrant
I am a heterosexual male who works as a RN in a local hospital. Recently a fellow worker who is homosexual fondled my genitals in the break room. No consent was ever given or implied. My concern is that I replied physically by swatting the man in the head. After that he pormised never to touch me again. However this promise came with some very inappropiate and disgusting jestures. I shoved a chair across the room at him and left. My question is 2 part. Is this sexual assault on his part and is my response to this episode considered assault. I am enraged. I have started investigation proceedings. What should I do? There where three witnesses to the event mentioned. One wants no part of it but the other 2 support me completely.
In addtion 2 nights earlier, Myself and the afore mentioned person where urinating in the bathroom. The man peers over the divider and states sometthing to the effect. I would reall like to do something with that.
I realize this doesn't compare to many post, But I find myself in need of adivce.
 
At first glance it appears to be assault. Some folks don't believe that a guy can be assaulted as you described.
What would it be if it happened to a woman?
What if a woman did the assaulting?
The guy who grabbed you might have thought about it as grabass, but then he did grab the wrong end, right?
If it happened as you described it, I would think that it was highly inappropriate, to say the least.
I'm sorry that you had to experience that.
Understand, that what I've just said is in no way the opinion of MaleSurvivor, it is strickly a personal opinion.

David
 
Tim
I would imagine that what he did to you would be sexual harassment, and what you did to him a perfectly natural response.

I know that I'm in a different country here, but I know that our trade unions would back you 100%, as should any big employer.

Dave
 
Tim - I agree with the guys, he harrassed (assaulted) you. He's lucky you didn't knock him the heck out!! I can not fathom any legal system can find any wrong doing on your part. His earlier comment may even be harrassment! I wouldn't let him threaten you with any retaliation! It wasn't your fault and you did nothing to provoke it!!

Howard
 
I am in agreement that he harrassed/assaulted you, and even if your response could be considered 'assault' back, I think it is quite justified response. The man is obviously and ass to perform as such in front of other people. I would make great pains to not be near him alone at all until the event investigation is completed. At that point, I think he should no longer be working with you. It is unprofessional, disgusting behavior.

Leosha
 
Yes, I agree as well. What he did is, at a minimum, sexual harrassment, and at worst, sexual assault. Depending on your location, he is subject to criminal as well as civil sanctions. This is in addition to whatever consequences he'll receive professionally.

Dewey
 
wow,

I had the same sort of thing happen to me. I find it amazing that a man can be put through so much sexual harrasment by other men, that If a woman went through people would be fired and companies would be coughingup millions in fines. I recently started a new job and was having issues with the disreguard for personal space. I work in a corporate restaurant and all the guys in the kitchen grew up in the same town in mexico(yes,I know its cliched, but they really are all mexican). I found myself in the middle of some little game where they walk by each other and try to distract someone from cooking by grabbing their ass. my delema was the general manager knew about it and even played along. The more I said no the funnier they thought it was. it even went so far as when they walked by with a broom it would end up "accidentaly" poking my ass. I never got the courage to file charges. I am new to the job and I was only there for training. it lasted about 3 months before I was done training and moved to my own store.

Now I have a problem because one of the cooks from that store is working with me and has started grabbing my ass again. I really want to say something but feel like a "pussy" for taking it so personaly. I'm glad you have the courage to take that step and have it investigated, I hope you get the satifaction of knowing you stopped someone who might have hurt someone else as well.


-Aardvark
 
One thing I have learned over the years is that unless one makes a statement, nothing will change.

As a kid I was physically and verbally harrassed by the same people from the time I entered Kindergarten until I graduated high school. It eased up about the time I was 13, when I threatened to castrate two of my worst antagonists in the middle of the school where everyone could hear. They didn't touch me again.

Aardvark, I'm not saying you should threaten anyone, much less assault anyone, but if you say nothing, nothing will change. In my view, you should take your power back.
 
Rangerat and aardvark,

It's a crazy world we live in. Had this happened to a woman or a teenage boy there would have been storms of protest, but it was a man who was harassed so he should just "deal with it" and "stop making a fuss"?

No way. These things are sexual harassment and you have as much right as anyone else to do your job without others having a grope or a poke anytime they want to get off or have a laugh.

There are laws about this everywhere, and there is nothing effeminate about telling someone either they obey these laws or you will report them. This has nothing to do with homosexuals by the way, it has everything to do with bullies and assholes. I agree with Dewey2k 100%. Nothing will change unless you let it be known that you absolutely claim the right that you and you alone decide who can touch you.

Good luck,
Larry
 
We get into situations of power confrontations when we dont respect our own power. Let me ask you: DO you feel powerless somewhere? Is your surrounding reflecting your inner truth? Then change your inner reality and you will never have to face another power struggle again. Otherwise you will keep fighting these battles endlessly. Acknowledging your own power, the power of your Self, for as they say: True power lies within.

...
Remember Rosa Parks? She refused to leave her seat, knowing well that she is all alone in her bus. No one else had the courage to stand up against injustice.

But then as she knew well, she wasnt alone, she had her faith by her side.

So she stood up, and changed a nation.
...................................
 
To all your replys Thank you. When I initiated the investigation more than one male person at my work place came up and offered testimony involving this person or another. Initial response by Human Resources did seem positive though I felt like Adam sitting across from the serpant. Again thank you for your input and support.
 
Well, R, I've got to agree with pretty much everything that has been said here. I'm glad you came across this site and have posted your message. More importantly you have reached out for help as a result of you being wronged and having been assaulted.

I have no reservations in regarding this as sexual assualt. Who says that there must be direct skin-to-skin contact for sexual assualt to be considered just that? I also see this person as actually setting you up in his perverted way of forcing himslef upon you. First was his inappropriate comment in the urinals, then came his phyical contact. Who knows where this would have all ended. Sorry if this shocks you, but I know from my past abuse the setup cycle and how it starts and progresses.

So, should you be more angry then if this strikes a cord with you? Absolutely yes! This WAS assualt and if you feel to proceed and take further action then I would certainly be backing that action. I'm just so glad you had other witnesses to back you up. Also, if you don't report this guy, then who will be his next victim?

Please don't take that as a guilt trip of it now being all up to you. What I mean is, if taking this further will cause you too much grief or emotional hurt then I'd say don't proceed. It's not your responsiblitly to stop him, so if you can't take it further then fine. If you do have the strength to take it further then I applaud you and want you to know you will be helping others perhaps as well. I hope I've expressed that clearly to you. Do what you feel comfortable with. You are OK no matter what you do.

I probably don't need to convey this, as you've possibly picked it up in my tone, but I'm angry that this happended to you - you have my heart felt compassion. Thanks for sharing.
 
Tim,

What he has done is criminal behavior. It is beyond sexual harassment and depending on the PA criminal code, he has committed either sexual assault or sexual battery, possibly both.
From the 1996 Merriam-Webster Law dictionary:
Battery:
Law. The unlawful and unwanted touching or striking of one person by another, with the intention of bringing about a harmful or offensive contact.

Sexual Assault:
Conduct of a sexual or indecent nature toward another person that is accompanied by actual or threatened physical force or that induces fear, shame, or mental suffering. In its less serious forms it may be the equivalent of statutory rape.
Click to expand...
If your employer follows Federal guidlines, he should be terminated.

Let me give you some advice as a jaded New Yorker, who has had the misfortune of several encounters with the legal system in my 53 years.

My main conern is that a person who would do these types of things is the type who will try to turn it back on you, especially if he loses his job.

Can you imagine that he might file charges or sue you for striking him??

I would report this to the police so there is an official record of the entire incident. You don't have to press charges although that may not be in your control. You may want to initiate an order of protection as well.

Secondly, I would get a lawyer and have him send a notice of claim, which is basically official notice that you reserve the right to take civil action (sue) for his actions.

Again, you don't have to sue, but this can force him to accept responsibility, in writing, and legally, for the entire incident, and hold you harmless for striking him (that is, he can't sue you).

I'm not a lawyer, but I've been around the block enough legally, to know this is all good advice.

Think about it. Do you believe it will all end if he is fired? And what if he isn't?
 
Tim,
Peering at you in the bathroom was sexual harrassment and the subsequent assault was just that ... sexual assault. My only caution is: be careful. In this very litigious world, a guy like that might try to turn the tables and take you to court for physical assault. Although your response might seem natural, the courts will generally dictate that you can only use as much force as is necessary to repel the assault.
Peace, Andrew
 
Okay, I haven't seen any indications of any military-spin on this one, so here's my response:

In accordance with the rather mind-numbing ammount of sexual harrasment training (which for those who might be confused, is training on what it is, and that it's 100% against both civilian laws and the UCMJ, or Uniform Code of Military Justice), the perp in is guilty of two counts of sexual assault/harrasment. Unfortunately, you would probably be charged with assault or aggrivated assault. However there is a world of difference between being charged, and being found guilty of the charge.

Bottom line: You have rights, as does everyone else, to NOT be assaulted or harassed, sexually or otherwise.

Stay ontop of the investigation, and don't let them try to stymie you on it. If they pull the "We'll inform you of our findings" or "All information is restricted to the investigators" types of lines, call their bluff. You, as the plaintiff, have the right to being kept informed of the process.
 
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