Am I going to have flashbacks?

[justsomeguy]

I talked to my therapist yesterday, and I will be having weekly appointments from now on. She basically just told me that if I have a gut feeling about this then she had no reason to doubt that I'm wrong.

I guess I'm glad that I'm able to talk to someone who isn't going to doubt me as most of my family probably would. But I am also kind of afraid because without being able to deny this like I used to, I know I just have to deal with it. I've already noticed some signs of PTSD. Mainly I feel on edge, afraid (mainly when I'm alone), I'm getting startled easily, and I'm having insomnia.

Since I was probably a baby when this happened, I have no memory of it, but I've read that you can still have flashbacks with feelings and emotions. I'm not sure what I'm going to do if this happens, because I will probably feel suicidal. I've had some experiences that I might call flashbacks, and I did suddenly have the urge to kill myself, but at the time I had no context for it. I had a feeling at the time that my dad had molested me, and I dismissed it as impossible, but maybe I was thinking of my stepfather, and because I have no memory of him I thought it was my real dad.

I guess I'm just asking for tips on what to do if/when this happens again.

 

[Ceremony]

I hope your therapy gives you help. Seems like a good start.

There's some good articles in links on the MS homepage. Maybe you have time to check?

 

[justsomeguy]

I'll be honest. I think I just need to be able to talk to people. Half the time I'm posting here because I'm just looking for someone to talk to me, because I don't want to be alone. Maybe there's a better place for that?

I used an online chat hotline thing a few days ago, but it took hours before someone was available. I don't feel comfortable talking to most of the people I know, so I have to find other places. I just get very worked up with the thoughts in my head. I don't know how else to deal with it other than to vent what I'm thinking.

 

[Ceremony]

You tried the chat here? I know it can be hit or miss. I can't log onto chat niw, my computer broke, and this phone can't log in.

There is private message here and can be Ok? Then there's the forum here. I'm trying to get my son to sleep at the moment. That would interfere messaging and posts for a while, but I plan to be around for about an hour more.

 

[Ceremony]

It's good you want to talk, and hard to wait I know. I really do understand urgency. I might be someone here at MS who can be shown an example of posting way too much. For now, I do it. I think when I slow down, I'll be better?

I'm new too Jsg, though I have some experience. I hope by being with you a bit, this helps you.

 

[Ceremony]

Be careful about reading too many posts to soon, there are things around that have a different energy than many new people to MS are used to.

I know the MS articles really can help. And being careful, read a bit and move on when posts are too involved with deep emotions. This is time to navigate the parts you can deal with, step by step.

 

[Bluedogone]

I think half the battle with flashbacks is first, just being aware they will come, and second, having someone to discuss them with. So many times those around us have no idea how they can have such an impact on our emotional well bring or else accuse us of making a really big deal out of what to them seems pretty minor.

Most everyone here completely understands the impact flashbacks have, and know for sure they're very real. One of the first things, (and most important to me) was a realization that I wasn't alone, there really are people who've experienced the exact same things as I have, and are survivors. If they can, then I can.

I'm sure guys are going to have a better answer than me. The only way I know to deal with them is to be aware of areas that especially get to me, and be on guard when I know before hand they will possibly come. But there are still those times when they come unexpectedly and from out of nowhere. Not always successful, but I try to be as calm as I can, deep breath, and repeat some of my favorite phrases. Like: it wasn't my fault, I have no reason to have shame. I'm worthy. I didn't give you a spirit of fear, but of power, of love, of a sound mind. It doesn't always work but your own special affirmations help defuse a possible explosive situation.

Best wishes, and good luck.

CJ

 

[Ceremony]

A flashback can be vivid, or less so. Some can be profoundly disturbing an many less so. Like CJ notes, be aware.

I hope you will release fear about it. Deep diaphram breathing can help, it builds up oxygen to clear your mind. Do you suffer any panic attacks?

Therapy is a good place to seek management ideas. To have them fit to your needs. I use the 5 senses anchoring technique sometimes.

 

[dark empathy]

Hi jsg.
As Ceremony said, the fact your wanting to talk is a good thing. That is what this forum is for, come and be incoherent, or upset or whatever and just write it.
I couldn't ever get the chat to work myself, also I like the fact that I can write forums and posts here in my own time.

One thing I will say, is beware of self diagnosis or of expecting things will be in a particular way. Articles are by their nature generalizations, and how you experience things will be very individual to you.

For example, I never used to believe I had many flashbacks myself, not of the "lose touch with reality see what's happening" hollywood style.
Then I realized I frequently would tense up in certain situations, would become defensive, would get an impression of threat.
I then realized I was experiencing literal, physical flashbacks, some so strong I could feel their hands on me.

As I said, it's one of these things that you just have to wait and see how it rolls around. You can be prepared somewhat by reading articles and the like, but what and where things take you will depend upon your own journey.
then the really important question is what you do when it does! happen and how you pick yourself up, and coming and talking to guys here is a dam good start to that.

One thing i will say, is it does get better.

Luke.

 

[betrayed boy]

hi jsg, i had my 1st FB during healing circle i was totally frreaked out good thing anom the HC mod was there and got me through it as i had no idea about them it shocked me big time, yes some are so real its weird i was more or less in the 3rd person just watching what happened the feeling of dread was intense and everything was so vivid and looked like it did back then it was all period the decor of the room everything, its good u at least know about the potential to have one so ur ready in a sense to deal with it, i've since had a couple more of them if u can write everything down u can recall it will help, i also talked them over with my T during sessions which really helped me out too, hope this helps u out some, and u can always stop into chat lots of guys helped me out in there too, healing circle is normally on sun. and wed. nights at 900 pm eastern time go into chat about 15 min. early to join in. BB