Am I Doomed?
I was just wondering- should I resign myself to masturbatory fantasies that give me shame and then guilt? I have been in this cycle for as long as I remember.
I have metacognitively thought about this and I think there has been a nexus of my physical abuse as a kid, coupled with sexual abuse that has brought me to the masochistic/huniliating fantasies I entertain.
I have a history of addiction and was raised Roman Catholic- just thought i would mention those tidbits as they might add clues to my behavior.
I can't seem to stop. I have also been diagnosed 9years ago) with cyclothymia.
Whatever. Sometimes I think I will have to accept that I am harboring a dirty secret and am on the margins. I can't remember when i wasn't like this. I have, at about 4th grade, begun (before the CSA) to fantasize with spanking and fetish (with nuns no less.
I don't know why i shared so much but I am really looking for answers as to whether i will ever return to my former self (before the CSA or am I to be in eternal arrested development?
I have metacognitively thought about this and I think there has been a nexus of my physical abuse as a kid, coupled with sexual abuse that has brought me to the masochistic/huniliating fantasies I entertain.
I have a history of addiction and was raised Roman Catholic- just thought i would mention those tidbits as they might add clues to my behavior.
I can't seem to stop. I have also been diagnosed 9years ago) with cyclothymia.
Whatever. Sometimes I think I will have to accept that I am harboring a dirty secret and am on the margins. I can't remember when i wasn't like this. I have, at about 4th grade, begun (before the CSA) to fantasize with spanking and fetish (with nuns no less.
I don't know why i shared so much but I am really looking for answers as to whether i will ever return to my former self (before the CSA or am I to be in eternal arrested development?