Am I delusional/dramatic?? Was this abuse??

Am I delusional/dramatic?? Was this abuse??
V

vencedor

New Registrant
Hey...I had quite a few awkward experiences with my father and sometimes feel that they were definitely abusive to a certain extent...Heres a list of things that occurred..Please give me some feedback as to whether or not you guys feel it was normal or abnormal......We barely ever interacted, but when we did it just felt weird....


1. We were on the ground wrestling (which barely ever took place) and he grabbed my penis..When I told him to stop he said that it was a normal part of wrestling...Although this may have been true it made me feel uncomfortable.

2. He would often kiss me starting at my elbow working his way slowly up my arm to my cheek and ear and then open his lips and wet my face/ear with the inner part of his lips in a quick wet kiss/ sucky way...

3. He would sometimes grab my knee and work his way up my leg saying whatcha got there..I would tell him to stop, but he would keep at it sometimes...A couple times he tried to go under
the bottom part of my shorts asking the same question...

3. Various times when I was in the restroom he would ask me who's in there shaking the door knob many times, although I knew he knew i was in there...This kind of disturbed me...

4. He would ask me if I wanted a massage and then he would ask me to take my shirt off and he would massage me and work his way down to my behind and begin to massage my behind...
When I told him to stop massaging my behind he said it was a normal part of massages...He would often ask to give me massages telling me that I was tense...When I would say no he would often persist....

5. One time (by this time at age 21/22) he whispered something inaudible to me while pointing to his penis (he was in his underwear)

6. when I was 14 or so he would sit on my feet naked sometimes after he took a shower..How normal is that? Could this have just been playful???He made it seem like it was....


On one occassion I spoke to my mother about a couple of the incidences and she confronted him about it....He later came to me saying that he doesn't ever remember having done that...

When I spoke to him and assured him that he did and told him about the other incidences that I felt were abnormal he said that he was offended and that he would never do anything to harm his children..He also stated that it wasn't a big deal and that his father use to pinch his balls as well as his brothers' balls...


On top of all of this my father was sexually abused twice one of the times having been penetrated if I'm not mistaken.......


Sorry iit was so long what do you guys think???
 
First welcome to MS. What a brave first post.
Wow. Most, if not all of those things crossed a boundary - that boundary being that you were uncomfortable and wanted it to stop. It doesn't have to be rape to be abuse. My guess is that if you think more about these things, your reaction to them and dealing with them has followed you with other relationships later in life. The fact that you're here attests to the fact that they bothered you and have left a scar. The fact that he was abused is a separate subject sort of, in that an abuser does not necessarily go on to abuse, but many abusers were abused - so just cause it happened to him is no excuse for him to do it to you. My humble opinion is that you were sexually abused. Your responses and confronting him woud bear evidence of that. Welcome.
Paul
 
I don't know about wrestling so I can really answer that, however based on the other things he did I'm going to say its probably not a normal part of wrestling and is abusive.

The other stuff I would consider abuse, kissing, messages, all not a normal behavior for a father and son.

But remember this, its not your fault, there is nothing you could have done that would have made your father do this to you. It is his responsibilty. He may have been abused as a child but this doesn't give him the right to abuse you.

If its possible, find your self a therapist. There are a lot of feeling and issues you need to work out. Look at the list on this website. If there is no one in your area, try to find the closest therapist and see if they have any referrals for your area.

In additon, keep reading and posting to this board. Its not a substitute for therapy but it does help.
 
Welcome Vencedor,

I agree w/ Paul, boundaries parents need to have with their children were crossed- and it is the parents responsibility to maintain those boundaries. That you remember those incidents means you were uncomfortable and saw them as sexual and bothersome to you.

I'm sorry those things happened to you, you're among good people who who can support you. Welcome

Halibut
 
My dad did not do those things, but after he died someone did hurt me and he was like a dad.

I hope you are doing better with some of this, and this is a good start. Welcome!

mike
 
7. there was also a time when he said Im going to frisk you and had me kneel down by the end of the bed..He then grabbed my balls for a a few seconds....


Thought I'd add that as well.......
 
Ven...
That is definetly abuse. As I go back and read your post and our responses, it definely distills into the fact that your boundaries were violated. Parents of either sex do not touch their children's privates beyond the age of bathing them or helping with bathroom functions. part of our jobs as parents is to give children a sense of respect in those areas. We also need to teach them the balance that being naked is not bad, we also need to let them know that it is not a sexually loaded situation. But touching like your father did to you, is something I cannot ever imagine doing to my son. The thought is repulsive. Not sure if this is what you wanted to hear, but I would say you need to talk to a therapist. The fact that you are here speaks of your true feelings. Sorry you have to be here, but glad you are.
Paul
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top