When I left home arriving at college to begin a new “adult” life, the road ahead was bright and unencumbered. My major selected, old versions of myself open for a personal reshaping, life was exciting! I had no idea what was to come and that someone else was going to “reshape” me.
The trajectory of my life was forever altered. Higher education lost, career lost, girlfriend lost, self-respect lost, confidence lost, and so much more but one of the worst of the losses was that of trust. Not only in that of the rapists but also in those that I turned to afterwards.
Looking back, I can now understand their reason for wanting nothing to do with what I was forced to deal with. Hell, I would have avoided it too if I could.
Though my original goals were forever lost, I did find a new pathway forward. A new career, a new girlfriend to later become my wife, regained, earned self-respect, a different form of confidence rebuilt and best of all restored, but wide-eyed, trust.
I wrote this for those that may be early in their dealings with their ASA. If you are in that terrible place I was, 50 years ago, it was for me, a lonely and lost space with no hope seen. In my mind I visited ideas I’d never given thought to before.
If you don’t mind a little advice from an old goat. There is hope, there is a future, there is a way forward but please try not to make the mistake I made in stuffing it away to only have it haunt decades later.
Assault pushed into the dark corners of one’s gut will not, at least in my experience, heal itself.
The trajectory of my life was forever altered. Higher education lost, career lost, girlfriend lost, self-respect lost, confidence lost, and so much more but one of the worst of the losses was that of trust. Not only in that of the rapists but also in those that I turned to afterwards.
Looking back, I can now understand their reason for wanting nothing to do with what I was forced to deal with. Hell, I would have avoided it too if I could.
Though my original goals were forever lost, I did find a new pathway forward. A new career, a new girlfriend to later become my wife, regained, earned self-respect, a different form of confidence rebuilt and best of all restored, but wide-eyed, trust.
I wrote this for those that may be early in their dealings with their ASA. If you are in that terrible place I was, 50 years ago, it was for me, a lonely and lost space with no hope seen. In my mind I visited ideas I’d never given thought to before.
If you don’t mind a little advice from an old goat. There is hope, there is a future, there is a way forward but please try not to make the mistake I made in stuffing it away to only have it haunt decades later.
Assault pushed into the dark corners of one’s gut will not, at least in my experience, heal itself.
Thanks Rick K for your kind words and on-going support.