alone

alone
B

batcountry

Registrant
i will always be alone

even if somebody want to be my friend i always somehow drive them away. mostly i am used to be being alone... but sometimes it's hard

everyone else is doing all the things i want to do

i cant push past it yet i still have to exist

today is a day that i lie in bed and stare at the ceiling

happy thanksgiving...
 
I understand some of what you say.
Even though you're used to it, alone is still alone.
I don't really have advice on this, except try and do new things in steps. Little bit more every time.
It needs work, to get and keep friends.
I hope you'll be able to make the effort.

Greets,

Alexander
 
Dear Batcounty vs bat in the belfrey,

Thanksgiving I usually call my friends and kin to say happy, happy. Today I didn't 'cuz I wanted to be masochist and see who would call me.
I got 1 email from Nancy in Monatana, the phone is silent. So, I will go off to my cousin's house down the road a bit and around the corner because I know his friendship is not transitory which is not the case with the rest of the cousins and friends. I will make excuses in my head why nobody called etc. But I have to remember I am going to a place full of noise and happiness (lots of little kiddies, my visit will be short) and that will keep me going. Past Thanksgiings I have been in locked wards, or too drunk to go anywhere even if I had been invited.
So I throw out the 'oh woe is me' mode, find a shirt guaranteed to offend eveyone's sensibilities and make the most of it. An Alkathon (sp?) is order after that.
Enjoy in spite of it!

froggy12
 
bc,

mostly i am used to be being alone... but sometimes it's hard
Click to expand...
I got used to pain for the first 20 or so years of life, that didn't make it easier, only a way of life. Same with being alone, although that's not as much now. Nope, no girlfriend, but I have friends I can talk to.

It's hard building relationships. It seems one of the symptoms from the SA is the difficulty in building relationships.

Andy
 
if i think about it it seems like we are all alone anyway,in the end its just me in this body and in this mind,everything else might just be a figment of my imagination,or a bad dream,i keep thinking somday im gonna wake up and say wow what a dream that was and then go back to my life. adam
 
Adam, I think almost the same way. I am alone in my body and in my head. Sometimes I believe in Plato's idea that reality is just a reflection. So I have decided that 'reality' is so absurd that I get hysterical. I watch them folks down in DC acting so serious and the problem is they believe they are serious. Sometimes its like a cartoon by Charles Adams (Adams Family, before tv) and text by Stepen King. To my therapist I am a winner since this time I have been sober soon to be 3 years, which ain't diddly unless I keep it the day. My file is now 5" deep. Fear is my enemy so I try to keep at bay 'cuz if I don't I will retreat into isolation and that my friend tried to kill me 3 times. But I am alive and I don't always like what's going on but I keep on plodding. I have nothing to lose. I have relatives and friends who would count the days until I dove head first into my cesspool of depression, so out of spite I held on. Why not? Life's a bitch but interesting.

froggy12
 
Hi Bat. Hey do you mean alone as in no friends are alone as in no intimacy? You don't strike me as someone that has NO friends.

I know what it's like to not have intimacy. I know what it's like to hunger for touch etc. One of my goals is to find these things. I have no clue where to start either. (I swear that every girl my age is TAKEN).
 
oops, I should have proofread my post first. What I meant was:

Hi Bat. Hey do you mean alone as in no friends or alone as in no intimacy?

I know what it's like to not have intimacy. I know what it's like to hunger for touch etc. One of my goals is to find these things. I have no clue where to start either. (I swear that every girl my age is TAKEN).
 
hi bc

i think you are making your way in the world right now - and the alone part will change -

my thanksgiving was the first i had spent with anyone in two years - and it was nice - but also

lots of weirdness - i can't announce outloud what happened - but - it's life -

the hosts were celebrating their 4th anniversary -
and they were fighting in front of me and their other guest - the chef (one of the parnters got completely drunk - and you can imagine the variety of wonderful things that happened after that) but the decor and the food was good - the fire was going - and the drama ensued -

i guess i could say rigth now i am alone in the world - but i think of you as part of my world in addition to the other guys here -

one of whome i know here where i live now -

i think i have myself - and it is warming to talk to you - and my friend here in Boston -

you guys make my family. all of you -

so i am actually looking out for you to check in -
as i just moved here 3 weeks ago - and this makes my days feel not alone.

hang in there, peace - mark
 
Bat,
The iceman cometh if you go too high in the ether.
You have some interests/hobbies I would think, go to where you can find similar folks who share your interests. At least try it.
No man is an island goes the cliche, but the way the oceans are rising due to the ice melt, you'd better head for higer ground before it's gurggle, gurggle.

froggy 12 where fog never clears out of the head until after noon.
 
batcountry - froggy is right!

ribbit -

i liked the zoo ioronto and went to the zoo -

i liked dnace and attended free things at the ballet school

i met people more and more -

i don't know where you are - but maybe there are some things like froggy suggests you can do

actually - i can say - thanks too - your post - is making me think of christmas -

i need to figure out what to do since i am alone as well -

i have ambition though to do something different -
last year - i served lunch at the church -

this year - maybe i will find - a city get together in Boston Commons - like at the Frog Pond.

- there is a tree lighting ceremony and free holiday snacks around here tomorrow - maybe there's one near you?

so maybe you can find things like that near you too it can be fun! plse -take photos and share 'em with us too :) !

pax /noel.
 
It is reassuring, knowing or at least hoping that we will recover in the future, however, what about when you feel lonely right now? I realize that I have a countless amount of friends. there is always someone to talk to or hang out with but I have no intimacy in my life now. It SUCKS! It's almost as if the affection in my life resembles a thin layer of butter spread out on a huge piece of bread.

Its hard to face your fears and learn to trust someone with your heart. Its hard to set boundaries for a prospective significant other. Sometimes were affraid that they'll get offended when we lay those boundaries. Maybe they will or maybe they won't. However, if they are offended, then they probably aren't material for a healthy relationship.

When I'm lonely, I try to find out what is preventing me from having an intimate relationship. There are too many opportunities out there to think that they're not available. I think about what it is that I am affraid of.

One of my main fears is being put into a social situation with a new girlfriend and not being able to hold myself up socially. I can get up and speak in front of large groups of people, but I need to work on my social skills.

In the past, I've feared being rejected, cheated on, talked about behind my back if I was a "less than perfect boyfriend". We are not perfect and we aren't supposed to be.

The writer Laura Davis who is well reknown with writing books on recovery for CSA has quoted "Lonliness is aphiliated with shame". Shame also isolates us. Are you ashamed of anything right now? Just remember that shame is a very destructive feeling. Not guilt, shame. We have no reason to be ashamed for what has happened to us. We have no reason to be ashamed of the affects that our childhood sexual abuse has had on us. We are not damaged goods, dimented or evil. We are hurt, but we will heal. WE ARE STRONG!

The truth will set us free,
Jason
 
How are you Bat?

Alexander
 
BC, I hope you find friends, its not easy but being alone is the worst thing I can think of.

Dont give up,

ste
 
Hi Bats!
 
yw
 
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