Alone......

Alone......
J

Jaco

Registrant
I read last night "Victims no longer" and on the chapter about "lost of Childhood" I made a connection of the child who is alone.

I have always been a loner in my live and never let any one came into it. I can not remember all my CSA only a few things.

I can not even remember what my abuser toled me, not to speak out. This is sort of frustrating as why did I not toled my parents? :mad:

Why does children not speak out? Why do they keep these things inside themselfes?
This morning when I got up my girl got up with me and although she is still very small and do not understand, I toled her that she must always talk to me and her mom about what ever she wants to. And I hope that she will..................

On Sunday night a very informative TV programme caled Carte Blanche ( www.carteblanche.co.za the top stories is still there ) had an insert about two different kids who died due to the fact that one of the parents beat them to death. This was so shocking to me and tears run down my face.

The more I am aware of Child abuse the more I am hearing of more cases of child abuse.

I need to SPEAK OUT about CSA. The world needs to know what the effects is of CSA or any abuse for that matter.......
:confused:
 
Morning Star.

My aloneness also jump out the window after I toled my wife about my deep dark secret.

Every day I now know that I am better off for her knowing what I have done. It still hurts her like hell. But I know that she LOVES me so much that she is willing to stand by me.

This year has turned from bad to better for me as I am feeling much better and my lonelyness has gone.

Now I have someone that I cna talk to and who stands by me.

I love her so much.
 
Jaco,

Why does children not speak out? Why do they keep these things inside themselfes?
Click to expand...
There are many reasons why a child will not speak out. Most importantly, the child does not understand what is happening to him and why. He is flooded with emotions of guilt, shame, fear, and confusion, and in many cases (as in mine) he does not even get the idea that this is about sex. In any case, who will he tell? His trust in the world as a safe place for himself has been utterly destroyed, and when he looks around he sees this happening to no one else. He thinks he is all alone.

Sometimes the abuser is a parent, of course, and in most cases the abuser is at least known to the boy. The abuser may have information or power that allows him to control or threaten the boy. I was told, for example, that if I told anyone, who knows, one day I might find that someone had run over my dog. He also told me that if I told anyone no one would believe me and that he, as an elder in our church, would get the Session to vote and I would be sent to hell. If the boy has siblings, the abuser may threaten harm to these other kids.

Or the abuser may just be very clever. He may tell the boy things like "This is our special time" or "This is our secret". It is also easy to trick a boy by pointing out the pleasurable sexual feelings he gets, or referring to the fact that he gets an erection: "See? You like it."

An abused boy's feelings about himself will usually sink so low, and so quickly, that it's very easy to keep him quiet. In fact, the boy will fear that others can tell what is happening just by looking at him, and keeping the secret becomes the most important task in his life.

The wonder isn't that most kids don't speak out. The amazing thing is that some actually dDO. We have some incredibly brave teenagers here on the site, and by coming here they are already taking the first step to break the silence.

Things have of course changed over the years. The sexual abuse of boys is now recognized as a major social and moral issue and awareness has increased a lot. Just to give you one example: I was abused, along with at least 5 other boys, by a leader of our Boy Scout troop. That was back at a time when any man who volunteered to help out was automatically welcomed as a "good guy". Now, however, leaders are vetted and trained, there are clear guidelines about contacts between the adults and the boys, and every new Scout receives a CDRom about abuse in his Scout handbook.

That said, you are of course right. There is so much more to be done.

Much love,
Larry
 
Jaco, this place is the best thing I can think of to help with the feeling of being alone. I just hope others can find their way here. I can't even remember what I did before this site. Oh yea, I wrote to myself, I wrote out my thoughts and talked to my wife and friends. These things helped but the guys here are by far the most important to my recovery because they know what I am talking about, they know exactly how I feel.

Glad to have you,
 
Jaco,

The more I am aware of Child abuse the more I am hearing of more cases of child abuse.
Click to expand...
its like a drug, something we cannot put into the past without losing what we fought so long to do.
Its the cases you never hear about that worry me, because it is mostly dealt with through kids keeping silent.

Aloneness is a place we all hate to be, but sometimes it is better to be alone.
Loneliness equals safety,

ste
 
Alone = Stress = Acting out.

I have realised that I need to be more relaxed in my life.

This week has been a bad week for me. There is so much going in in my mind that I am scared off.

I have started making more conecttions to my CSA and it is scary. But I need to confront the demonds that is chasing me.

One by one slowly I am getting there.

One by one they will fall and Jaco will came out the winner.

This moring again I realised that I have repeatedly "abused" myself by acting out.

I also realised that my parents did not do enough to protect me when I toled them Kobus molested me. They have down sized my CSA. He got away. They have never talked to me about why they did not pursue the case to get him locked up. How many kids did he molested. They could have stoped it from other kids getting molested....
They did not...
Like shadowkid said.. My parents also SUCK....

My dad is dead so I can't even try and talk to him to get a answer.

My mind is not my own this week.

Confused/stressed dad today
 
Jaco,

The early stages of recovery can really be rough, specifically because that's when we are flooded by a lot of raw questions that we are not yet equipped to answer or even discuss.

When this happened to me, I somehow realized that what I needed most was not a pile of answers. I needed to feel that I was not alone. I needed to see that my pain was understood; I needed to feel that it mattered. It helped me so much to come here and see that confirmed to me every single day.

Jaco, just speak out and say what hurts. You will be heard. Ask for what you need.

Much love,
Larry
 
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