alone once again...

[thecoopstah]

I'm sure we've heard it all before "be careful what you ask for you just might get it"....I have posted a shitload of posts lately and i am so conflicted as to who i want or what i want...Today was not a good day at all and after being in a relationship for about a month i reached my breaking point,i pushed away another person who truly cares for me.I feel guilty as though i have done something wrong and i haven't and the only thing i keep coming up with is why the abuse and truama i went through have to be so parylizing at times almost to the point i want to hurt myself or someone else or both.I am at my wits end ...i am now convinced i will always be alone and honestly i am playing the victim and could really care less if i come out of it....because playing the victim allows me to wallow in my shit and not have to take responsibility for my behavior and how i treat myself....who knows if i will ever not be alone and always so terrified of letting anyone at all .."IN"....Coop

 

[Trish4850]

...i am now convinced i will always be alone and honestly i am playing the victim and could really care less if i come out of it....because playing the victim allows me to wallow in my shit and not have to take responsibility for my behavior and how i treat myself....

Excuse me for being harsh.....BULLSHIT!

Coop, if you really believed this you would not be here, pouring your heart out, trying to figure things out, trying to make your life better, asking questions...you would not have met your lady in the first place....you would just not.

Every person on this earth has to take responsibility for themselves. They also have a responsibility to the people they meet. Those responsibilities take many forms, but the only rule is the golden rule, to treat others as you would wish to be treated yourself. That can be anything from simply being a kind person to over the top love with a plethura of emotions and deeds in between. You and everyone has the ability to do this and the right to expect it in return. I think if we deny this right to ourselves it makes it harder to extend it to someone else.

Look in the mirror Coop and see the man we see, not the one the abuser tried to destroy.

ROCK ON.........Trish

 

[Lloydy]

quote: ...i am now convinced i will always be alone and honestly i am playing the victim and could really care less if i come out of it....because playing the victim allows me to wallow in my shit and not have to take responsibility for my behavior and how i treat myself....

Excuse me for being harsh.....BULLSHIT!

I can't argue with that

Coop' what you've written there is out of "Healing 101"
You KNOW what's going on, you KNOW you don't like it, you also KNOW that it's illogical.

I also KNOW how hard this shit is to overcome, just like so many of us here. So stick with us here, we're not just getting on your case because someone has decided it's "pick on Coopstah day" today, we aren't on your case to knock you back, or tell you how to live your life. But I will stick my neck out and tell you that thinking like that is bullshit - and we both know it.

Living with the responsibility of a new relationship is a difficult thing for a survivor, but it's better than wallowing in the shit of your abusers victim! and easier...........

This thread might become an ass kicking one, but read it carefully and see what is really going on.
It's support.

So today is "let's support Coop' day!"

Dave