almost 3 yrs, and a HUGE break thru!
beautifuldisaster
Registrant
Hello all,
I have not been around for awhile. All for good reason. I did want to check in though and share, because it takes the support, the scary reality, and the good stuff to keep us all going.
We just had our 2nd wedding anniversary, and our 3rd year together anniversary.
Our road has been amazingly long, difficult and sometimes I felt as close to impossible as it could be.
My husband is a wonderful man, with a lot of layers....most of the layers are painful. He denied them. He was hard to an extent. He lied about how he felt, because he made himself believe it didnt matter and to survive he made it not matter.
We have been down an extremely rocky road, but we had a big break thru in April.
I discovered he was calling, and receiving calls from another woman.
I was crushed......I had been loving and supporting this man......trying to show him the good stuff a loving relationship could give.
I had been taking him to church, and he was opening up to the idea of a good and loving God.
I had shared my love, my pain, my family...everything.
I was shocked, and although my love is true and deep I was ready to jump ship to save myself.
There is a fine line between brave and stupid.
To make a long story short, when he saw that the one person who was dedicated to him for the right reasons, and loved him no matter was ready to walk out the door something happened.
He looked me straight in the eye and said "I will do what ever it takes to fix this, I will go talk to someone". That was HUGE. He had never given me an answer and at all costs darted therapy.
Since April, not only has he started therapy and opened up to the idea of learning about himself he has also begun to shed the denial, lies and minimizing of his problems. His therapist is wonderful and my husband has gained respect for him when in the beginning I know he was terrified.
He has addressed many, many issues.
Those include the Madonna-Whore syndrome, disassociation, and parts of what isnt considered a true sex addiction, but recognizing similar behaviors.
I think the most important of all was his decision to stop the lying, minimizing and denial....that has opened huge doors for him.
Dont get me wrong......things still are not rosey, but they are getting pretty close.
His vunerability issues are diminishing, and he is opening up.
It would have killed me to walk out that door, and I will stand by this man till I take my last breath......ultimately it took time, time for him to see I wasnt going to just walk away. It took patience. It took self sacrifice (believe me, now I have some issues we have to address together!) and it took God. It took strength for me to put my foot down and make him accountable for his behavior. He finally accepted Jesus in his heart and admitted that is problems are bigger than he is....accepting there was someone bigger than his problems waiting to help him deal with them.
And, it took lots of prayer.
This weekend was our anniversary, he was better to me than I ever could imagine a man could be to a woman....and he told me this was the first time in his life he felt wonderful just being alive.
I just wanted to update everyone.....you havent seen me much, because things are going so good!
xo to you all!
I have not been around for awhile. All for good reason. I did want to check in though and share, because it takes the support, the scary reality, and the good stuff to keep us all going.
We just had our 2nd wedding anniversary, and our 3rd year together anniversary.
Our road has been amazingly long, difficult and sometimes I felt as close to impossible as it could be.
My husband is a wonderful man, with a lot of layers....most of the layers are painful. He denied them. He was hard to an extent. He lied about how he felt, because he made himself believe it didnt matter and to survive he made it not matter.
We have been down an extremely rocky road, but we had a big break thru in April.
I discovered he was calling, and receiving calls from another woman.
I was crushed......I had been loving and supporting this man......trying to show him the good stuff a loving relationship could give.
I had been taking him to church, and he was opening up to the idea of a good and loving God.
I had shared my love, my pain, my family...everything.
I was shocked, and although my love is true and deep I was ready to jump ship to save myself.
There is a fine line between brave and stupid.
To make a long story short, when he saw that the one person who was dedicated to him for the right reasons, and loved him no matter was ready to walk out the door something happened.
He looked me straight in the eye and said "I will do what ever it takes to fix this, I will go talk to someone". That was HUGE. He had never given me an answer and at all costs darted therapy.
Since April, not only has he started therapy and opened up to the idea of learning about himself he has also begun to shed the denial, lies and minimizing of his problems. His therapist is wonderful and my husband has gained respect for him when in the beginning I know he was terrified.
He has addressed many, many issues.
Those include the Madonna-Whore syndrome, disassociation, and parts of what isnt considered a true sex addiction, but recognizing similar behaviors.
I think the most important of all was his decision to stop the lying, minimizing and denial....that has opened huge doors for him.
Dont get me wrong......things still are not rosey, but they are getting pretty close.
His vunerability issues are diminishing, and he is opening up.
It would have killed me to walk out that door, and I will stand by this man till I take my last breath......ultimately it took time, time for him to see I wasnt going to just walk away. It took patience. It took self sacrifice (believe me, now I have some issues we have to address together!) and it took God. It took strength for me to put my foot down and make him accountable for his behavior. He finally accepted Jesus in his heart and admitted that is problems are bigger than he is....accepting there was someone bigger than his problems waiting to help him deal with them.
And, it took lots of prayer.
This weekend was our anniversary, he was better to me than I ever could imagine a man could be to a woman....and he told me this was the first time in his life he felt wonderful just being alive.
I just wanted to update everyone.....you havent seen me much, because things are going so good!
xo to you all!
