"All men are potential rapists"
Anyone else ever heard that one?
I heard it from my women's studies professor at college. I struggled with it a week before I decided, unfortunately, that maybe it was true, and thinking that way led directly to years of gaslighting by my ex and her physically, emotionally, and sexually abusing me.
If only I'd never heard that lie. And it's nothing but a lie, because it leads inevitably to a false binary that sexual abuse is ONLY one single way: men abuse women. Which leads inevitably to this conclusion: Men are bad. Women are good.
That's the only conclusion you can really draw from a statement like "all men are potential rapists." That's saying all men are criminals at heart, or that all men want to hurt women. And at core, it's really saying that men - and not women - are evil.
I went through life while I was being abused thinking I was an abuser because I believed all men are potential rapists. Women, like my ex-wife, could never abuse because they are the "good" gender.
A statement closer to the truth MIGHT be "Anyone is a potential rapist," taking gender out if it entirely. But I don't think even THAT is true. I think there are people of ALL genders who would never, ever rape. And I think I am one of them.
I heard it from my women's studies professor at college. I struggled with it a week before I decided, unfortunately, that maybe it was true, and thinking that way led directly to years of gaslighting by my ex and her physically, emotionally, and sexually abusing me.
If only I'd never heard that lie. And it's nothing but a lie, because it leads inevitably to a false binary that sexual abuse is ONLY one single way: men abuse women. Which leads inevitably to this conclusion: Men are bad. Women are good.
That's the only conclusion you can really draw from a statement like "all men are potential rapists." That's saying all men are criminals at heart, or that all men want to hurt women. And at core, it's really saying that men - and not women - are evil.
I went through life while I was being abused thinking I was an abuser because I believed all men are potential rapists. Women, like my ex-wife, could never abuse because they are the "good" gender.
A statement closer to the truth MIGHT be "Anyone is a potential rapist," taking gender out if it entirely. But I don't think even THAT is true. I think there are people of ALL genders who would never, ever rape. And I think I am one of them.