All coming out Triggers

[Tele1]

Between my abuse as a child and my parents divorce I never wanted to be hurt again. Always stayed away from relationships and sex. I didn’t lose my virginity till I was thirty with a woman anyways. Well except I ran into my abuser when I was in my mid twenties. He wanted to talk. I remember being so excited to run into him. I saw him twice. Then was so ashamed that I let it happen again. He would call. Part of wanting to see him, the other part filled with disgust at what I’d done.
I started the only relationship I’ve ever been in,got married and had a son, now 8. He wrote on a school assignment that he didn’t want to be alive. He even told them how he would kill him self. We had a meeting with school write away. The wanted him to see the school social worker. That was the person who abused me. I refuse it. We did find a child psychiatrist (female). For him to see. He’s doing much better. When this hole think went down. My wife was venting to my sister and her partner and mentioned my abuse. She thought she new. I started therapy myself. Since I’ve told my hole family except my mom. See has manic depression issues. Not sure how it would affect her.
I’ve always had feelings for both men and women. I recently took the Kinsey test. It puts me as Bi or slightly on the homosexual side. How do I tell this to my wife? I don’t think she would be surprised though. She has been very supportive with this hole mess. I’m 52 years old. Drove to work in tears the other day. Didn’t think this is where I’d be in my 50s. I’ve been just keeping my chin up and just remember to breathe

 

[lapchinj]

It puts me as Bi or slightly on the homosexual side. How do I tell this to my wife?

I don't really know what to say but I have to mention that I never told my wife that I'm gay. not Bi but gay. At the time men married women. there was no other way. And I was pushed into my marriage. I have to say that my wife is my best friend and we've had 6 kids together. I've learned to live with my secret. But I cannot tell her I'm gay it would break her heart. I don't like holding secrets but there is no way I'm going to fuck up a 45 year marriage because I'm gay. There is no reason to tell her. I don't want to break up the relationship. Why did I marry a woman if I was gay. I was pushed into the marriage. That's part of a long story about my past. I had run away from being a prostitute and I told nobody about my past. I wanted to live a normal life like everyone else and if that meant getting married then I was going to get married. Cross that bridge when it comes. Why fuck up a relationship if you want to stay in it.

 

[.aseity]

the school social worker. That was the person who abused me

I would report this person. They are still working in a position to be alone with vulnerable children, and have abused you in the past.. who knows if there have been others abused by that social worker.. I would report it, for your own sake and for the children going to that school now. Maybe even try to share this information with your child's psychiatrist just to better equip her to help your child in any way. Talk it over with your own therapist that the same social worker who abused you is still working in your child's school. I'm sure they will be able to help you in that regard because they are mandatory reporters and can aide you in reporting that abuser at the school.

 

[Tele1]

It happened to me in 1982. In the early 99s he got caught and did a year and a half in prison. He’s now in his mid 89s and lives in Arizona. The sad part is the school could have stopped him and chose to let a child sex abuser free. I’m more angry at the school then my abuser

 

[Dolphin42]

I'm sorry your struggling with what happened to you. There was a lot of looking the other way in the 1980s and earlier. Then in the 1990s and beyond a whole lot of "fired if accused". Now things are more balanced. @Tele1 I'm feeling your angst. I'm 59 with an 8 yo, and wish I had a long term relationship with someone like you are succeeding at. But I don't. I won't presume to give advice on how you proceed with your partner, other than to value both you and her, and find a way to not have big secrets, which is a suggestion for you mostly, since big secrets erode the keeper more than others around them.

 

[Tele1]

I'm sorry your struggling with what happened to you. There was a lot of looking the other way in the 1980s and earlier. Then in the 1990s and beyond a whole lot of "fired if accused". Now things are more balanced. @Tele1 I'm feeling your angst. I'm 59 with an 8 yo, and wish I had a long term relationship with someone like you are succeeding at. But I don't. I won't presume to give advice on how you proceed with your partner, other than to value both you and her, and find a way to not have big secrets, which is a suggestion for you mostly, since big secrets erode the keeper more than others around them.

I’m luck to have found someone that supports me. I’ve recently told most of my family. I’ve been alway closet to my sister and told her a lot. We have a lot of similarities in our past. We both were cutters. Both liked the pain of cutting ourselves. Both thought of suicide. She came out as gay when she was in her early 20s. Neither one of us felt like we could talk to our parents. I’ve always blamed myself for my abuse. I could have stopped it,said no. My T said it’s every one’s fault but mine. And largely my parents because I didn’t feel comfortable talking to them when I was younger

 

[TJ jeff]

Tele 1 - I know there are some here who will probably disagree with me - but I think that it's a very good thing that you got him a child psychiatrist outside of the school to talk with - he may be much more relaxed in an outside of school setting - I really hope that he opens up and talks to her

I was kind of forced to talk to a school counselor in 3rd grade (too many trips to the principals office from fights on the playground from kids bullying me until I'd finally stand up for myself) - took me a while to open up to him even though he was the dad of one of my few friends at that time - over the course of that school year I told him "everything" (the physical/mental abuse at home - the sexual abuse from the uncle) - he wrote everything down in his notebook (even had pictures in it taken by the school nurse and principal) - but nothing was every done with what he wrote down (no idea what ever happened to the pictures) - the year was 1980 - I don't think the school really wanted to get involved in trying to help me - they just wanted my school behavior and grades to improve - took me until high school to finally start getting decent grades

 

[lapchinj]

I know there are some here who will probably disagree with me - but I think that it's a very good thing that you got him a child psychiatrist outside of the school to talk with - he may be much more relaxed in an outside of school setting

I don't think anyone could argue against doing that. It was very good he went that way

 

[Tele1]

I don't really know what to say but I have to mention that I never told my wife that I'm gay. not Bi but gay. At the time men married women. there was no other way. And I was pushed into my marriage. I have to say that my wife is my best friend and we've had 6 kids together. I've learned to live with my secret. But I cannot tell her I'm gay it would break her heart. I don't like holding secrets but there is no way I'm going to fuck up a 45 year marriage because I'm gay. There is no reason to tell her. I don't want to break up the relationship. Why did I marry a woman if I was gay. I was pushed into the marriage. That's part of a long story about my past. I had run away from being a prostitute and I told nobody abomy past. I wanted to live a normal life like everyone else and if that meant getting married then I was going to get married. Cross that bridge when it comes. Why fuck up a relationship if you want to stay in it.

I totally understand. We all have a common thread that connects us all but we all have to weave our own web with that thread Do what is right for you.

 

[Tele1]

I totally understand. We all have a common thread that connects us all but we all have to weave our own web with that thread Do what is right for you.

My son is doing much better. My wife had a good job for 41/2 years but it was a high stress job. It was hard to not bring it home. It affects both my son and I. She quit 2 months ago. That has changed our stress level in the hole household. She took a big pay cut but our quality of live has changed so much. We can all relax

 

[Tele1]

Tele 1 - I know there are some here who will probably disagree with me - but I think that it's a very good thing that you got him a child psychiatrist outside of the school to talk with - he may be much more relaxed in an outside of school setting - I really hope that he opens up and talks to her

I was kind of forced to talk to a school counselor in 3rd grade (too many trips to the principals office from fights on the playground from kids bullying me until I'd finally stand up for myself) - took me a while to open up to him even though he was the dad of one of my few friends at that time - over the course of that school year I told him "everything" (the physical/mental abuse at home - the sexual abuse from the uncle) - he wrote everything down in his notebook (even had pictures in it taken by the school nurse and principal) - but nothing was every done with what he wrote down (no idea what ever happened to the pictures) - the year was 1980 - I don't think the school really wanted to get involved in trying to help me - they just wanted my school behavior and grades to improve - took me until high school to finally start getting decent grades

The therapy has been good for us both. It took 40 years for me to start the process. Was hard since it was the school social worker that started this whole mess in my life. I pushed this horrible thing down my hole life. Can’t do it anymore