Alive
Well I dont know how to really expain this, As I ride this emotional rollercoaster.
But I feel as if I have been reborn. As if the old shell I was once so attached to has been shed and the person that so dreamed of being released is free.
Although I am barely into my recovery I have immersed myself in to gaining all the information both good and bad about the recovery process. Having totally avoided anything that remotely hit on the subject of SA, I crave the knowledge now.
I be moving to fast, maybe its good or bad, so far it has been good as I can let it go and though I am a little gun shy still I really am not terrifed that I might feel emotional pain or emmbaresment. That when that happens its all part of of being normal (or as normal as I can be tight now)
Lord how I wish I could of released this demon long ago. The thing that keeps digging at me is the pain I have caused to the best person to ever enter my life besides my beautiful children.
I might be over doing it and headed for a let down or a set back. But as I ponder that possibility I can really feel that its all part of the learning process and its to be expected and let downs are part of life and its ok to feel, I mean really feel.
Its like gaining a new sense. One more thing to really feel life.
Yes I am sure I am going to want to the wall that once was my l only security that I knew. But now as I walk among the unknowing I truely realize its ok. They will never know and that is ok.
Life is good and getting better, I just hope my first crash is not to hard
Peace
But I feel as if I have been reborn. As if the old shell I was once so attached to has been shed and the person that so dreamed of being released is free.
Although I am barely into my recovery I have immersed myself in to gaining all the information both good and bad about the recovery process. Having totally avoided anything that remotely hit on the subject of SA, I crave the knowledge now.
I be moving to fast, maybe its good or bad, so far it has been good as I can let it go and though I am a little gun shy still I really am not terrifed that I might feel emotional pain or emmbaresment. That when that happens its all part of of being normal (or as normal as I can be tight now)
Lord how I wish I could of released this demon long ago. The thing that keeps digging at me is the pain I have caused to the best person to ever enter my life besides my beautiful children.
I might be over doing it and headed for a let down or a set back. But as I ponder that possibility I can really feel that its all part of the learning process and its to be expected and let downs are part of life and its ok to feel, I mean really feel.
Its like gaining a new sense. One more thing to really feel life.
Yes I am sure I am going to want to the wall that once was my l only security that I knew. But now as I walk among the unknowing I truely realize its ok. They will never know and that is ok.
Life is good and getting better, I just hope my first crash is not to hard
Peace
