Against hate speak in general, and Misandry in particular

dark empathy

After unintentionally reading a collection with a number of really misandric stories, I finally had enough and decided to at least say something.

So I put This article together.

its a discussion of that collection, hate speak generally, and misandry in particular, and yes, I pretty much straight out say there that I am a male survivor of sexual abuse by women, and no I do not appreciate being made to feel like a perpetrator.
I worked really hard so that it said what I wanted saying was not vitriolic, also my lady vetted it (she goes through everything I write, there are some advantages being married to a linguist, but this one particularly).

Part of me is a little worried. This is not like telling my hole story, its putting a word out there on a site where I write book reviews and mostly talks about speculative fiction, however yes, it publically, and casually breaks the silence to make a point.

I'm a little scared I'm going to be inundated with hateful comments, my lady even offered to read any comments for me first to see what would be said.

Still we'll see. The webmaster of the site didn't bat an eyelid, just posted this up asap without hassle, then again he's been putting up my reviews since 2012, and I did mention this was a subject I was passionate about.

Also btw on that page is an article I wrote about the concept of dark lords in fantasy, which people might appreciate the message of even though its nothing to do with sexual abuse.

Oh and for anyone who wants to check out my reviews you can find them all here

Obviously, the solution for hate is more hate to some people who can’t see that hate is the problem to begin with.

dark empathy

@SDD757, Unfortunately, according to some people its just that. What is worse, is its an attitude which is to an extent being publicised and actively promoted, in the really mistaken guise of liberation. I was shocked when writing my phd on disability how many articles there were which were just streams of invective against "the able bodied order.

The problem is this sort of thing feels waaaaay too close to a lot of my own abuse, and its always something I find triggering. In the end I decided that att least I could try and put a reasonable view out there, and use my own experience as an example of why reasonable views are needed.

I'm pleased to know though, its already had at least some effect for someone. The first thing I got back was an email from the webmaster of thanking me for the article. I knew he was recently divorced, what I didn't know was that his wife was apparently an emotionally, and later physically abusive bully who victimised him for eighteen years, I don't think her abuse was sexual, but as we all know sexual abuse is just one particularly strong brand, I think he was pleased to here someone come out and say that yes, some women can be abusers, just as much as some men can, and generalisations, especially general condemnations, are always wrong.
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What a fantastic review. I hope it reaches at least a few of the people it needs to reach.

Great, great work. Thank you for your bravery, sir.

dark empathy

Thanks Strangeways.

We'll see, I haven't had any nasty comments so far, I don't know how popular that site is, though that particular short story collection does seem to have got a lot of attention.

I wouldn't call this a review exactly, since a review would mean pulling up all the stuff I did and did not like about each story (as I do in my book reviews), which is why I don't write reviews for short story collections, it was more that this particular collection, along with a stupidly large amount of pop culture content these days has a huge problem with being aggressively partisan and heavily misandric, and I wanted to for once say, in a completely reasonable, none rabid fashion that no, this is not okay.

That indeed is another part of the problem, since as the zeitgeist is so one way these days, the very few alternative opinions I've come across really are! from the insanely misogynistic dinosaurs, and thus very much not taken seriously, (the one line review on amazon which dismissed the hole collection as "liberal pablum" had about fifty dislikes).

As Andrew Greely put it in the Cardinal virtues (one of my lady's favourite books), the right wing cranks and the left wing crazies, albeit these days there are far more of the latter than the former, at least in the world of popular online culture, and the distinction has very little to do with whether private enterprise or the state has control over the means of production anyway (having read Marks, I'm a socialist myself).

I do feel a lot better though for actually having just come out and said it.