*Triggers Possible* after therapy relationships

[AnEmptyCardboardBox]

my girlfriend just broke up with me. 5 years.

its for the best, she practiced a kind of religion called non-duality, or the hindu version is called neo advaita. i tried to respect her beliefs for years, but over the last couple months ive realized that those beliefs are straight up abuse. i even said to her, "this religion seems like it was designed for predators."

some of their principles
this world is an illusion, maya, trying to keep us from seeing true reality
non-doership
dont ask anyone for anything
dont seek to change anyone or anything
everyone is entirely responsible for their own decisions
accept what is, whatever it might be
there is no 'self' as we commonly think of it
there is no good or bad, right or wrong
we should only do what feels good for ourselves

its always seemed really culty to me, and over the last couple of months ive been increasingly unable to respect all that. at one point i said 'dont ask for anything is a delusional principle. its a double bind, where you are never able to succeed, its impossible.'

anyways, right now i feel like i went from being groomed into a family sex cult into being groomed for a weird new age cult.

i know i am in a particular emotional state, and it will pass. i still feel like i cant believe it. did this really just happen? she was abusing me to get me to join her cult, and i was letting her?

right now, it feels like ill never touch a woman again. 2 sexual partners in 18 years, and this is what i get. i know some part of it is me seeking to repeat the pattern, but really. i had so much therapy. fuck this.

 

[Jack1]

Your girlfriend reminds me of my ex-wife. She didn't belong to a cult but her personal philosophy was very similar. She was unfaithful almost the entire five years we were married and had me at one point accepting that it was not only okay but that it's what I needed. My excessive fear of abandonment made the whole thing worse.

I don't know if it would help you saying this but my life really turned around after we separated. I met the woman of my dreams and we have two grown children and four grandchildren. If my ex and I had stuck together my life would not only continue to be chaotic, it would have spiraled downward. I went through a period of never wanting a woman or sex again ever but that eventually passed. There is hope. You can reorganize your life and live successfully.

 

[AnEmptyCardboardBox]

Your girlfriend reminds me of my ex-wife. She didn't belong to a cult but her personal philosophy was very similar. She was unfaithful almost the entire five years we were married and had me at one point accepting that it was not only okay but that it's what I needed. My excessive fear of abandonment made the whole thing worse.

I don't know if it would help you saying this but my life really turned around after we separated. I met the woman of my dreams and we have two grown children and four grandchildren. If my ex and I had stuck together my life would not only continue to be chaotic, it would have spiraled downward. I went through a period of never wanting a woman or sex again ever but that eventually passed. There is hope. You can reorganize your life and live successfully.

thank you so much for the response. i know all of what you say is true, and i am lucky that there are no children or marriage to make separation more difficult, and i am
grateful for that.

i am also keenly aware, right now, just how much the cognitive dissonance was destroying my ability to function.
i can see, almost hour to hour, changes in cognitive functioning, impulse control, dissociation, internal and external chaos, etc. so theres clear evidence for the benefit to me.

i dont know that ill ever have children, the csa i have dealt with in my life, i dont know i would ever be able to leave them with anyone else. perhaps ill meet someone i can trust, im early 40s so i got a little bit of time yet. that i had years of therapy and i still let myself get trapped here, it makes me question all that hard work, question myself.
i knew about and had worked with my attachment issues, i learned about cult dynamics as a beginning to understand my abusive relationship, i still let this happen.

im happy to hear that you made it, and especially that you have grandchildren. that you made it and made it so good that you didnt let that shit go down for your kids, you found a way. im crying right now just thinking about how far away that feels, and how happy i am that someone made it out of this hell and managed to avoid propagating this darkness.