After first therapy session: Psychoanalysis?

[riviera]

Hi

Yesterday my boyfriend (M) and I went to his first therapy session. It was more an evaluation of the situation as the original idea was that the psychologist who interviewed him yesterday was going to decide who will be the right person to see him and what type of therapy would be the best. We have the handicap that my boyf is Irish and we live in Spain. To find an English speaking therapist in Madrid is not an easy task. But I managed to find this place and the psychologist who saw M speaks English though is not her mother tongue.After we explained why we were there she asked me to leave the room and chat with him in private as she considered it was not a couple matter. So I left and they chatted for about an hour.

The Psychologist's opinion

Her opinion was that M is in a very good moment to be in therapy. She reckoned that it is not only the SA but there are other issues there, such as loneliness, worthlessness,etc.(we knew that anyway, though we know that those issues are undoubtedly related to his SA). She was 'surprised' that M went straight saying that he was SA and so on. She said that in her experience people usually goes there cause of depression, anxiety, etc. and after few sessions then the SA is uncovered. She offered herself to be his therapist. Said that the most important thing is to feel comfortable with the therapist, etc. So far so good.

At the end I asked her about her qualifications and experience on SA in males. I stressed out the importance of having experience on the matter in order to get results. She is a psychoanalyst and has been working as such for about 15 years. She is specialized in family violence, SA among others. She admitted that she has treated more women than men.

My boyfriend's opinion

M said that she was alright to talk to, he felt comfortable. Said that they talked about a lot of things he has already had gone through with me and had no problems whatsoever going over them again (eg. she asked him about whether he could pronounce his perp name). It was funny cause this interview made him realized how much stuff he has released and dealt with in the last 7 months. M told me that there was one thing that therapists always say (she did as well yesterday)- You must trust me. He said that is exactly what his perp used to tell him... So he felt a bit strange about it. He again pointed out that for years he has been speaking to strangers and what he needs now is to speak to me, his family, my family as he is doing at the moment...

My opinion

- Is psychoanalysis a proper therapy to treat the effects of SA in adulthood? Not sure about that. She was too focused on what happened and nothing on how he does feel right now.

- Is she the right person for M? For some reason I got the feeling that she was genuinely interested in the case but she did not gave straight answers about her experience on SA in males or gave us any info at all about SA or aftermath effects (as general info or something)

I just want to avoid going backwards or spoiling all the improvements he has made so far...
XXX
H

 

[TRACYUK]

My partner went through a bit of a process in finding the right therapist for him. At a later stage we read info for therapists in (sorry can't remember which book, either courage to heal- Bass and Davies or Victim no longer -Mike Lew)It gives some great info on what to look for in a therapist and I wish we'd read it earlier.

Some key things the book said had been important for a therapist to be/have when supporting survivors of CSA had been absent in some initial therapy discussions and he had left feeling quite upset.

My partner went with his gut reaction as to who did/did not feel right, coupled with the fact that the one he chose is from a charity specialising in this work.

One piece of advise I've read that really resonated was " the survivor is the architect of his own healing, the therapist is there to afirm and be an ally"

GOOD LUCK

Tracy

 

[Ken Singer LCSW]

While I don't think psychoanalysis is the best way to address sexual abuse issues (though my friend and respected colleague, Richard Gartner would disagree with me), it can be useful. Richard's books, "Betrayed as Boys" and "Beyond Betrayal" (available at Amazon through the MS bookstore) have a psychoanalytical orientation and I would conclude the skill and experience of the therapist is probably more important than the technique or approach.

My concern is that if the therapist said, "You must trust me", it can sound like the perpetrator. I realize this is what M said he heard and what Riviera reported and the psychologist is speaking an non-native language, so there can be lots of room for misunderstanding in the trust statement.

The other concern is that therapists tend to focus on what they are most comfortable or experienced with. Less experience in this area may be a way the therapist learns more about male victimization. If it feels that she is more interested in learning from M rather than using her skills and experience to help him out, it may not be the best match.

Since the choices are limited, this may be the best you can do for now. Check out the "Consumer's Guide to Therapist Shopping" posted on this site.

Ken