Afraid to trust but truly want to...

[thecoopstah]

I've never been one who is comfortable with letting people "in"..All my life i had to essentially fend for myself and always stay two or three steps ahead of anyone who i thought was up to no good.I see myself doing an awful lot of self analysis about whether i can or even want to for that matter,trust people.I'm in recovery for alcoholism and over 4 years sober,in therapy ever since the memories re-surfaced in 2004 and long before i got sober i haveISSUEswith trust and lately i seem to question everything people say and do when it directly(or indirectly)has to do with me and it's so friggin emotionally drainging me of any drive i have left.I know i am trustworthy and pretty damn honest as well and yet i always find something,anything in most people what's wrong with them and if they're not on the intelectual level i am in a conversation i shut them out of my life comepletely.I am judgemental and i do not like how i feel.I am at my wits end,i deeply want to begin to trust but how do you stop doing the very thing i'm not only used to but have done all my life.I realize it will not happen overnight and it ceratinly wil not happen until i am ready to not feel so vulnerable with others.Has anyone had to deal with or is even dealing with it today and how did you allow yourself to go there (if you will)..Someone elses perspective,advice and of course perception will greatly improve my desire to let people "in" and move toward a meaningful and whole life in the future.Thank you Coopstah.

 

[roadrunner]

Rich,

One thing that has helped me is something I just mentioned in a post to another guy. I was desperate to have contacts beyond colleagues at the University and elsewhere in the academic world, so I decided to look for an organization dedicated to an old interest of mine: blues and roots music. I found one, joined, and it has been great for me. I have a circle of new friends who haven't the slightest idea about my abuse history, and they just like me and accept me as Larry.

One area where I got a lot of unexpected help was trust. I was able to relate to these people as and when I felt I could, and at my own pace. Relating to them in the context of a shared hobby stressed to me that they really were just innocent good people who wanted to be friends with me. It didn't happen overnight, of course, but it did happen.

Perhaps something like this would help you too. Pick up on something you already like, and work on it with other people with a similar interest.

Much love,
Larry

 

[sabata]

congrats on the being sober..i to am 4 years sober..what a rude awaking..now i have to deal with everything that i avoided for years...learning things i never learned..basic stuff..how to deal with simple emotions and getting along with people...yet it is worth it...my csa just kinda appeared out of no where..in my mind...my t said sometimes your mind doesnt allow you to rember something..until you are ready to deal with....march on my friend steve