Affirmations

Affirmations

MrDon

Registrant
Note: This is going in for my next article in the Chorus, the Voices Organization newsletter.

Affirmations

DonS

An affirmation can be described as a strong, constructive, positive statement made to help realize goals. To affirm is to make an assertion or declaration, as if already true, about something that one desires to actualize. That is what I learned in class the other night and what was written on pg 30 of my TouchAbilities, Essential Connections book by Iris Burman and Sandy Friedland. You know, this is something that I have been long acquainted with in my life but have never really thought long and hard about it.

I remember back to the days that I struggled to even think anything positive about myself which was preventing me from going outside and being around people. I did not like myself and you could probably even say that I hated myself during this time. I did not see any value, just ugliness from my past. No matter how much I talked about this in therapy, it just didnt seem to make a difference. Regardless, I had myself convinced that I was nothing, I was dirty, ugly, and responsible for everything that had happened to me. It was a self-fulfilling prophecy and the more I believed it, the more it became me. So what did I do, read on.

Shaina Noll has a CD called Songs For The Inner Child with a song on it titled, How Could Anyone. The words go like this.

How could anyone ever tell you?
You were anything less than beautiful.
How could anyone ever tell you?
You were anything less than whole
How could anyone fail to notice?
That your loving is a miracle.
How deeply youre connected to my soul.

Why do I share this with you? Well Im glad you asked. What I did for a month was listen to this song over and over. I would play it in the morning before I went to work and when I got home from work. I would listen to the song and usually try to sing it since no one else was around to hear me. But after the month went by, I found that for the first time I started believing that I was worth something and how could anyone ever tell me that I was anything different than that. Once I started believing this and letting it sink into my life, I started to change. That was the point where I began to once again venture out around people and beyond the 4 walls of my fortress I called a home. From that point on, my life has taken a new course that has led me to discover many new oceans. Some of which right now are a direct result of this time.

And as we were talking about affirmations in my class, I realized that I have been doing this a lot through my healing. Ive created affirmations for myself and used them to help me go places where my logical, afraid, self could not go. So many times when fear paralyzed me from taking a step, the affirmation would go before me. Just think in your mind for a second how powerful that could be. You dont have to be any special writer or talented person to do this. All you have to do is let yourself be yourself and focus on what you want for your life.

In class we were all asked to create an affirmation for ourselves. Currently I still struggle hard with having the confidence in life to do what I need to do. While it has improved, I get so scared at times and would love to be more confident. So it is the example I will use here and the one I will share for you. My affirmation was I AM CONFIDENT. Yes, I dont feel that way right now but I continue to repeat this to myself each day and before long, it will be the direction my body will be going. Because the more I tell myself that I am confident, the more my body will take on the necessary skills, qualities and resources to be confident.

Take a moment right now as you are reading this and think about an affirmation for yourself. Maybe you have to much debt and the affirmation could be I am wealthy or maybe you are a couch potato and want to be fit as a fiddle the affirmation could be I am healthy or I am physically fit. Maybe you struggle with hating yourself and your affirmation could be I love myself. The possibilities are enormous and as wide as the widest ocean. The power lies with in you and all you have to do is turn the facet and tap into it.

An affirmation should be something that is a simple statement. That way you can remember it easily and repeat it without much effort or thought. It should be a statement of positive thoughts and words. For instance if you are in debt, you would not want to use the phrase I want to be debt-free because your mind would still be focusing on the debt which is not a positive thought. Instead, I am wealthy would be a more positive statement. Make sure your affirmation is personal to you and make sure you can own it. Once youve created it, try to find a safe person that you can share it with because the power of the words will be multiplied many times over. And once youve done all of this, than start repeating it to yourself every day until it becomes you and you become it.

You know I often struggled through my healing with wondering where the answers were to many of the things that I faced or how I should heal or what things I needed to do to heal. But I am finding more and more that all of the time, the answers were right inside of me. They were already a part of me. Your body knows what you need and by tapping into the strength and wisdom each one of us has; we can grow and soar in ways that will amaze us.
 
I got asked where I was in the stages of Recovery. I had trouble answering until I found this list.

Now reading Don's post about affirmations makes me realize that this list is not only a pretty good and accurate description of the Recovery process (for me anyway), but a wonderful set of affirmations as well.

I hope this list has some value for you all. Thanks for this reminder Don, that it takes time and effort to "re-program" ourselves, but it is absolutely possible.

Donald
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I can't control the waves, but I am learning to Surf.
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STAGE ONE: REMEMBERING
  • I am in a breakthrough crisis, having gained some sense of my abuse.
  • I have determined that I was physically, sexually or emotionally abused as a child.
  • I have made a commitment to recovery from my childhood abuse.
  • I shall re-experience each set of memories as they surface in my mind.
  • I accept that I was powerless over my abusers' actions which holds THEM responsible.
  • I can respect my shame and anger as a consequence of my abuse, but shall try not to turn it against myself or others.
  • I can sense my inner child whose efforts to survive now can be appreciated.
STAGE TWO: MOURNING
  • I have made an inventory of the problem areas in my adult life.
  • I have identified the parts of myself connected to self-sabotage.
  • I can control my anger and find healthy outlets for my aggression.
  • I can identify faulty beliefs and distorted perceptions in myself and others.
  • I am facing my shame and developing self-compassion.
  • I accept that I have the right to be who I want to be and live the way I want to live.
  • I am able to grieve my childhood and mourn the loss of those who failed me.
STAGE THREE: HEALING
  • I am entitled to take the initiative to share in life's riches.
  • I am strengthening the healthy parts of myself, adding to my self-esteem.
  • I can make necessary changes in my behavior and relationships at home and work.
  • I have resolved the abuse with my offenders to the extent that is acceptable to me.
  • I hold my own meaning about the abuse that releases me from the legacy of the past.
  • I see myself as a thriver in all aspects of life - love, work, parenting, and play.
  • I am resolved in the reunion of my new self and eternal soul.
 
What's the collective noun for a pair of Don's ?
a pride maybe ?

Anyway, does this mean we have another list going ? a list to oppose the list of lies, a list of I will- I can- I have- I shall.

Here's a couple of mine to start with....

I can change my life
I can make a difference

Lloydy
 
Mr. Don:

I like this thread! I know I need to affirm myself a lot more; that has never been easy for me.

I know from experience that no matter how much others may affirm me, if I don't affirm myself I won't believe the affirmations of others. And I think that if I can regularly affirm myself, I will depend on the affirmations of others less (tho of course we all need some affirmation from others).

Yeah, its hard to say things about yourself that you don't always feel, and may even feel very much the opposite. Especially when those weren't the messages you received growing up, and may not receive much now.

But tho I've not experienced it much, I believe that usually at least we have to change our actions--and words--in order to change our feelings, not the other way around.

I guess we all know its easier to say something than to do it or act like it. Yet, if we can keep saying it, trying to mean & believe it, it sure can't hurt in helping us to act accordingly, & will most probably help a lot. At least that's what I would think. I oughta try it more!

"An affirmation should be something that is a simple statement. That way you can remember it easily and repeat it without much effort or thought. It should be a statement of positive thoughts and words."

Good tips for a realistic & significant affirmation, Mr. Don. Life can be complicated (and negative) enuf, particularly for us survivors. Positive & simple, simply positive (positively simple?).

Thanks Mr. Don

Wuame
 
Don NY:

I don't know where you found those stages of recovery. I've seen others; I like your list. It is indeed a great list of affirmations. Very thot-provoking.

At least for me, in my brief recovery experience, I seem to process & move back & forth thru these stages and the different points of them you listed.

Definitely I'm still primarily in stage one, which is ok (I'm affirming myself in that!).

I've dabbled quite a bit in stage two but to do more than dabble I need to go deeper in some stage one areas. Especially "I can respect my shame and anger as a consequence of my abuse, but shall try not to turn it against myself or others."

I keep trying to jump straight to stage 3 (maybe thats not unusual?), but I'm learning (often the hard way) that I can only jump there thru stages 1 & 2.

It seems to me all areas could be worked on simeltaneously. But at least for me, it seems the primary focus & work has to be from one to two to three. Life kinda seems to work that way doesn't it?

Thanks for the list & the stages, Don NY!

Wuame
 
Lloydy:

Yes! Just what we need to oppose the list of lies--a list of truths!

Yes, truths! I believe that the lies are of my false self. I also believe the affirmations are truths about my true, real self, as I am meant to be & can be.

At least, that's what I'm affirming about myself!

One affirmation to add to the list: "I affirm myself!"

Wuame
 
Thanks Don-NY for the list and Mr. Don for starting the topic. After reading through this thread I realized how important affirmation is. I am in Stage Three: Healing and my presence there had to be pointed out to me by my counselor. In the last month I have realized:

I am OK,
I like myself,
I am strong and confident, and
I have and can continue to change my life.

I feel good now and despite some stressful times in the last few weeks, I have remained strong and have not strayed off the positive course I have charted for myself.

And to DON-NY, the list of stages really struck a chord with me. When I started counseling last November I remember reading through Mike Lew's book, “Victims no Longer” and seeing a list of negative, abusive acts that may have occurred at home during your childhood and another list of Current Effects that one may experience in your adult life. As I read through the items and checked off what I experienced I was sick and disgusted. I could not read further and I put the book down for months. It was a pleasure to read through those Three Stages of Healing and for a change, check off something positive and know that I have put the abuse is behind me. I am moving forward and after reading this thread, I have started to add various affirmations to my daily routine.

Thanks again gentlemen.

Gary-CDN
 
Affirmations. What a great string of posts. Don, the three stages of healing was so clarifying & powerful for me and I've printed it to look at when I feel like I need to get my bearings or to counter the lost-self pity place. It helps to have a roadmap. Thanks guys...t
 
I am a man
not the abused
boy I was
I am alive
at last
I'm not afraid
to love
I love
myself
my wife
my kids
you guys
I am worth
being loved
I know
I am
Loved
 
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