Advice please

Advice please
A

alexey

Registrant
I would like to thank you for your support, first of all. I surely value the courage you've given to me. I also want to share with you my concerns.

I was raped when I was 11, and there was my younger brother, 8, so I guess this event harmed both of us. Though those veterans of war, soldiers, didn't sexually abused him in a direct way, they seemed to verbally hurt him as well as me.

In the presence I live with my brother, who is 19, and I have started to notice that he strangely relates to me sometimes. He either doesn't listen to me or tries to control me. There are times when he is crude and mean. May it be that the way the criminals related to me has affected my brother's attitude toward me too? I guess he may occasionally have a disgusting feeling or be embarassed in my presence. I just want to know if this can be the case.

Thank you.

Alexey
 
Alexey,

I guess this would depend on your relationship with your brother, but if this were me I would look for a good time when we were alone and not feeling stressed or pressured by other things, and just ask him what's going on. You could say you notice that he reacts to you strangely and is there anything he feels uncomfortable about. Let him know that he can talk to you and that you will not blame him for his feelings.

Those feelings, by the way, may not be what you want to hear, but whatever they are he needs to express them so they can be talked about and resolved. He is very likely confused about what happened to you and his feelings may reflect that.

Good luck!

Much love,
Larry
 
Alexey,

I do not know how you and your brother are together. Can you ask him about these feelings you get from him? Can you have an open talk with him about why he treats you the way he does? I have always found that open honest talks are the best way of dealing with issues.

lots of love, Nathan
 
Nathan and Larry, thank you. I believe the sincere talk is a courageous act. It is difficult to do, but the relationship is worth it. We've never discussed with my brother that event of abuse, but earlier my brother has said about my psychological trauma, and I think it's possible to catch up this topic.

Love,

Alexey
 
Alexey,

When you talk to your brother try to stay away from accusations - that will just throw him onto the defensive. Perhaps put it in the form of questions: "When you said xxx that made me think yyy and I wonder if we can talk about this, because you are my brother and I don't want there to be misunderstandings between us."

A serious conversation goes much better when both sides see that the aim is a solution rather than a victory.

Much love,
Larry
 
Thanks a lot for advice, Larry.

:)

Alexey
 
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