Advice of telling

[ak]

I will be with my family for the new year eve. We have tradition for new year, of 'truth'. Everone in the family can tell the truth of something that happen in the year that we 'get away' with, and we can not be punished for it. Usually it would be when we are younger, and it is like 'I broke the lamp' or something simple as that. As my sisters and I gotten older, they are maybe of things we think of that afect our family, or if we disagree with my mom or father on something but did not have courage to say at that time. It is like to have new and clean begining ofthe next year, like to have a family confession to each other.

My parents know of what happen with me, only the very simple of it, that it happen, when, and more then one person. But my sisters and brother, they do not know. I was thinking of this year, to do that as my truth. I do not want to upset any of my family. But it feels it is hard that they can not understand me so much. Like, I am afraid to sleep in same room with my brother because of the dreams and bad feelings I wake up with sometime, I do not want to scare or upset him.

Have anyone here told more then just one person at a time of this? Do it work better if you just tell one person at a time, or would it maybe be all right to just tell my family all together? I want to, but don't want to. Wish to, but then am scared to. Just wanting advice of it if anyone have it.

andrei

 

[Morning Star]

Andrei, you have inspired me to do the same.

Thank you.

I am going home for New Years after ages. So will spill the beans to my brother and sis-in-law. As my parents know it already.

I am sure Universe will provide me the opportunity to share it too, so that it happens naturally.

Dont worry much about hurting your family, pain is always healing for the soul.

And yes, do share your growth as well. You just might foster theirs.



AJ

 

[Ivo]

Andrei,

I told to mine brother and sister few weeks ago. I told them separately and it was not pleasant thing for them to hear about it. I do feel a little bit relaxed and I am glad that they know it now. But it is still topic that they do not want to know too much about it, it scared them how dark I am inside and I can not blame them for this.

Our relationship is somehow different for worse at the moment I would say. They do not trust me any more for good reasons (I did some stupid things).

All life they thought that I am almost perfect and now they are seeing quite different picture and they are confused. It is hard for them to accept that their beloved brother is damaged on so many fields.

Beside them I told to good friend of mine. He is really great friend and he told me his problems and confusions and on that way I felt very much accepted and understood which is great feeling.

There are some other people on the list that I would like to tell but I am not ready yet and maybe would never be (first of all mine father).
This dilemma is very difficult to solve, whatever I choose would be wrong from different point of view.

For your case I am not sure that it would be the best thing to tell to your family during this family tradition of telling the truth (but this is only mine opinion, you know the best your family).

Firstly I think that you would send wrong message like you are guilty because of CSA which would not be correct.

Secondly, you would probably shock your brother and sister because they would expect to hear something simple and nothing like CSA.

It is never easy to tell something like this.

Good luck.
Ivo

 

[Leosha]

Andrei,

I am glad that you are feeling strong enough to even consider this. That is a huge sign of how far you have come in this past year.

You know your family best, of course. Perhaps it would be easier for you if you were to tell one family member first, other then your parents. Pick someone you feel closer to, and try to tell them first, so you can see the reaction and deal with it more 'one on one'. I think the reaction of any of your siblings would be different from the initial reaction of your parents, but it still could be difficult to deal with, and no matter what, will be emotional.

Do what you feel safe with, and have patience. Again, it is good you feel strong enough for this, but remember you do not have to do all this right now. You have had a rough time recently, and need to protect yourself a bit more emotionally.

You know I wish you good luck with whatever you do.

leosha