Advice needed!

Advice needed!
T

Thomson

Registrant
A little background is needed before i come to my original question.

My state is different from most of you as you people are living in liberal societies where most of the people are educated and know about their well being. I have selected a display name "Thomson", which is misleading, as i am from south asia, and i don't want to reveal my real name(due to obvious reasons). My age is around 22. Our society is very backward and things like talking about CSA are considered taboo and never talked about. But i want to confront my abuser, to let myself in peace and go on with my life. But the consequences of the word spilling over to my relatives or for that matter my parents(which would be a nightmare), are grave. As CSA is thought of as shameful for the suvivor as the society is male dominated, and such acts are thought of as being girly. So it becomes a stigma for the survivor.

My problem is that in such a background and circumstances what should i do? I want to confront my perp. but doing it face to face is not possible. I can do it on the messenger. I am confused about my course of action.


PS. I don't know how to become MS member as i want to share my story with all of you (i hope that would relieve my pain a little bit).
 
Thomson,
You can share anything you feel comfortable on this board as a guest, the need to be a member is not essential to do so.

Cultural stigma plays a major part in most cases, but as you rightly point out this will vary depending on what society and community group you live in. As I live in the UK I can only base any advice on my expereinces and a certain level of empathy.

You've made a really important step coming here and talking about your abuse. Your identity will remain as safe as you want it to be and you only need to talk about what your comfoirtable with.

A lot of people like to write to their abuser and many people don't even send the letter, as it helps just to write it. Take your time and do things at your own pace.

All the best

Mark
 
Great to have you here,

I wanted to confront the guy as well but he died before I got the chance. Writing a letter is a great way to do it, a third party is a good idea too. In his face is what I wish I could have experienced. I know that confronting them either way you choose does help in the recovery process.

I felt just like you about the girly thing, in the USA it is the same way you described in your country but you have to remember you had nothing to do with it so what happenned to you has nothing to do with your desire to be with a man, nor does it make you less of a man but as you stated, others are not as smart, backwards I believe is the word you used. Backward ass people they are every where.

Take care,
 
Thomson,

I come also from a culture that is still quite 'delayed' in their acceptance of child sexual abuse, specially of males. Therapy is still often thought to be a sign of great insanity or emotional (and thus personal) weakness, and obviously anyone who has been abused, as a male, by a male, they must be gay. Even a male who is abused by a female, they are thought either to be weak, or else that it should be an honor that they get such experience with the older women.

I agree with what others have said, that you can feel free to speak anything of your past and your issues here. There is anonymity, and you will find advice from others who have been victims of similar crimes.

I wish you good luck if you do choose to confront, and I agree that by letter or on computer may be something safer and more controlled by you. I just hope you do not go into it with any expectations of response, because you could get any kind of response, or even none at all.

Leosha
 
Thanks a lot everyone for your words of support, i greatly appreciate that. I am working on my current situation and about the ways of confrontation. I think, in my circumstances, it would be better to confrom him on internet.

I am already feeling better by sharing my thoughts with you guys. I would share my story soon enough, but i am not comfortable sharing it on a public forum, that's why i asked about the MaleSurvivor membership.
 
Thomson,

here is where you can get information on how to join.

Membership

Leosha
 
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