Advice needed

Advice needed
M

mark250676

Registrant
My perp escaped police action for due to a couple of legal loop holes. Over the years I've tried to come to terms with this.

But today I found out that his father is a govener at the local primary school. My abuser lead me to believe his father abused him but as my mum and dad still live in the community I've decided to protect them and not put the abuse into the public following the police's decision.

But I can't risk his father having access to kids without doing so.

What do I do. Ring the school from a call phone? Write them a letter?

The worst thing is it's the school I went to when I was abused by his son!
 
Mark,

do not use a public phone it is traceable, and it could come back on you.

The evidence is pretty superficial, and maybe you ask the police to make the school aware of your fears without involving yourself.

You could also write to him voicing your fears over safety on information you know, and ask him if his job is consistant with his familys' past, but that also poses a risk.

None of us can be the "thought police", we have to at least go on fact, so just beware, and as for the loophole, care to exaggerate,

ste
 
I was 7 his son was 15.

At this point I still feel I need to justify that! I have a daughter who is 6. If what happened to me happened to her I would break the law.

But for some reason I have some guilt. And some pitty for my perp. His childhood must have been shit. But then he made mine shit as well.
 
You know Mark,

I felt sorry for my perp, because I thought, how could any man do that to me as a child, but hey, the abuse is being shifted from him to me.

The key issue to think about is the age, and how young kids view their lives on what they should know about adults.

The young kid cannot understand why? He is being hurt and just shows love even when hurt.


Hey, its never yr problem, its theirs, and put it where it belongs, and yes, I have trouble, but its getting there,

ste
 
And however much it's hurt us that's where the cycle stopped!

It's just so hard to deal with the sea of emotions, anger, hatred, self hatred, isolation, depression etc that we put up with.
 
Mark,

One thing you can do would be to write a letter to the school explaining exactly what you say in your first post above. Just stick to the facts - what you know, and distinguish that from what you have been told. I would also call a citizen's advice bureau to ask about legal implications. But I doubt there would be a public scandal because the school will almost certainly keep it quiet. But at least you will have alerted them.

Another alternative is to call the Child Abuse Hotline number closest to you ( www.thechildabusehotline.com ) and report what you know. Guidelines are on their website. What you say will be confidential and you cannot be held legally responsible so long as you have acted in good faith.

I would not bother with an anonymous call from a pay phone. That will look like a crank call and they will ignore it.

Much love,
Larry
 
Here we go

Dear Mrs .......,
It's not easy for me to write this letter but when I discovered the identity of one of your board of goveners I felt I must do so. Throughout the late 1980's I was sexually abused by the son of Mr ........ . I am also aware of at least one other child who was abused in the same way. I have subsequently had great difficulty overcoming the pyschological effects of the abuse. I was advised by the NSPCC that I would not be able to pursue the matter with the police as his son was under the age of consent when he carried out the abuse. It is also true to say that I have no recollection of Mr. ...... being in any way involved in the abuse. However it is true to say that this abuse went on in his house by his son who was of such an age that he would have had to have learnt this behaviour from some area of his life. As such I felt if I had a relative attending your school I would want the school teacher to be in an informed position to make decisions about who is suitable to be a govener.

Yours
 
Would like advice on this. Pretty sure it's the way to go in the morning... But always value the boards view.

Thanks

Mark
 
Mark,

I appreciate your concerns, but as it stands your letter presents a weak case. The problem is that if a man's son is an abuser, that doesn't mean he is also an abuser, unless you have specific evidence concerning this.

Much love,
Larry
 
Larry,
Spose it come's down to the discussion whether it's nature or a product of upbringing that makes perps abuse. As a parent I wouldn't want his father to be a govener at my kid's school but thats very personal and loaded with my experience's.
 
Mark,

I look back and I wonder if my comment to you was too abrupt. Perhaps so, in which case my apologies.

What I had in mind was the impact your letter will have on the authorities at your child's school. A positive way to put my remark would have been to say that the more specific and detailed you can be, the more convincing your argument becomes and the more difficult it becomes to ignore it.

That's unfortunately what happens to many letters of warning. They just get ignored or filed away and never even answered.

Much love,
Larry
 
Larry,
Your post wasn't harshly worded. It's actually made me look at my reason's for wanting to write to the school. It seem's to be based on both protecting kids, I've got three under the age of 5 so there all going into the school system at different levels at the moment, and the other is my need for revenge on my perp and his family. I always remember my parent's saying, after I told them of the abuse, that they always thought it was strange that my perp's father kept pornographic magazine's lying around the house. I think this forged a link in my mind that made me come down on the side of him needing to take some responsibility for his son's actions as he was undeniably bringing his son up in a dysfunctional household (loads more indicators that I won't go into here).

In all I think I need to think about it before I take action.

Cheers

Mark
 
Mark,

So maybe what you are saying is that you need to feel you are empowered and able to fight back?

There are lots of ways of doing that, and the problem is that the negative ones can be very frustrating and waste a lot of the emotional energy we need for other things. If we look again, perhaps we can find positive outlets that can give that same sense of satisfaction and empowerment.

One can work with youth groups, for example, or just donate money each month to the NSPCC. Keeping in touch with abuse issues and writing to MPs also helps.

But the first thing we can do to help others is to work for our own recovery. If we can become a strong and stable element in society we will be able to do far more than if we are still struggling. And you are a Dad - wow: three under the age of 5! That is cool beyond words. How about becoming active in parent groups at school and seeing how their schools need help? There is ALWAYS something to do where kids are running around. ;)

Much love,
Larry
 
Larry,
Thanks you've turned this round from a negative to a positive. I'm going to ask to become a govener for my kids school. They mentioned it about 3 months ago but I didn't take it forward.

Thanks

Mark
 
Mark,

What a great idea! I didn't think of that one - sounds perfect for you. I really do think what you need is to know and feel you are empowered. So hey, may as well be in a positive way that builds up your resources rather than in a negative way that sucks them away.

Much love,
Larry
 
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